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6 Pakistani species of crazy, maddening brides-to-be

6 Pakistani species of crazy, maddening brides-to-be

“Lady, you need to quit worrying about the girls in his life. You have already managed to trap the poor guy!”

Rakshinda Mujeeb November 05, 2013

Wedding season is upon us and love is in the air. Every girl dreams of her fairytale wedding from the day her mother utters these kind words of wisdom,

“Susral ja kar naak mat katva daina!”

(Don’t embarrass us when you go to your in-laws house!)

Don’t get me wrong, I love being online, but it is thanks to these social networks that we are constantly bombarded by overexcited, overanxious brides who take great pains to keep everyone updated on how they are managing their pre-wedding day jitters.

Frankly speaking dear brides, we aren't interested in the unwanted ‘sneak peek’ of every lovey-dovey moment that you encounter in the days before your big day, or the superfluous arguments you claim to have had.

Here are some of the brides I have come across on social media, and here is where we let the bride bashing begin!

1. The hyper bride

This species of brides is often seen posting ‘countdown’ statuses on any social media platform they can get their hands on. Their posts inevitably read something like this:

“10 days left to my BIG day guys... ahhhh!”

“4 days to go... sooooo excited!!!!”

“Shopping for the big day! Best. Feeling. Ever!!”

It’s even more hilarious because in most cases, the hubby-to-be is tagged in the über excited post. I can imagine this gives our already nervous, knight-in-shining armour, cold feet as he starts thinking,

“Haye! Main kahan phasnay ja raha hun?”

(Gosh, where have I gotten myself stuck?)

My take:

Woman, you need to relax! Getting married really is not rocket science and people have actually been doing it for centuries. Seriously, there is no need for a blow-by-blow countdown!

2. The Bollywood influenced bride

No, this is not a rare species and can be found in numerous Pakistani families. These girls dream of the perfect, larger-than-life wedding ceremony, the highlight of which of course, is the mehndi day.

How could it be anything but that?

They beg and cajole cousins and friends to practice dance performances while secretly practising dance moves themselves as well, so that if someone ‘happens to pull them up’ (it has to seem spontaneous of course) onto the dance floor, they know the groove.

I even know of some brides who forced the hubby-to-be to follow dance videos on YouTube.

My take:

Girl, you really shouldn’t have spent so much time watching Karan Johar movies.

3. The researcher bride

This species will be seen posting strange questions to salon pages on social networks, like:

“Does the Valima package include a facial?”

“Is a ‘mani-pedi’ inclusive of the wedding services?”

“Rose Beauty Parlor mein tou sirf Rs10,000 ka makeup hai, phir aap kyun double le rahay hain?”

(Rose Beauty Parlour charges only Rs10,000 for bridal makeup, then why are you charging double the price?)

My take:

Salon managers, please block these data collection brides, at least from your social pages.

4. The obnoxious bride

This species takes its inspiration from the Star Plus villains. They invite almost everyone in their circle and in their ‘circle’s circles’, but fight over inviting the groom’s female friends, saying,

“Atif tou mera bachpan ka dost hai, tum Saleema ko kyun bula rahay ho?”

(Atif is my childhood friend, why are you inviting Saleema?)

My take:

Lady, you need to quit worrying about the girls in his life. You have already managed to trap the poor guy remember?

5. The anorexic bride

This bride takes a confirmation from no less than three people as to how many calories a cake rusk contains, before gobbling it down with orange juice. These brides literally starve themselves to look like model Fayezah Ansari, on their wedding day.

My take:

Please, please stick to this regime after marriage as well, and don’t turn into female versions of Bappi Lehri (enormous jewellery plus the giant mass) like most Pakistani women!

6. The desperate hormonal bride

This bride takes it upon herself to inform everyone from the husband-to-be himself to everyone on her friends’ list, his friends’ list, her ‘followers’, his ‘followers’ – pretty much everyone they know – that she misses him and can’t wait to begin her life with him.

To top it off, she even tags the hotel that the couple is staying in on their wedding night, regardless of whether it is 1am or 4am!

My take:

My dear, why waste so much time in publishing your entire life on Facebook? Instead, check the hotel for hidden cameras!

WRITTEN BY:
Rakshinda Mujeeb Researcher by profession, writer by choice. She also works as a content writer for an NGO. She enjoys the impact her articles have on readers.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

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COMMENTS (47)

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply After reading some of the comments, another thing occurred to me. While it's understandable that people are excited about the big day and want to celebrate it and/or announce it to everyone yada yada, for a lot of people (particularly on the subcontinent) it's become about putting on a show, not the personal celebration. I've heard countless stories about families bankrupting themselves to get their daughter's jewelry, clothes, fancy venue, etc etc only for fear of the answer to that dreaded question if they don't: log kya kahaengay? Susral kya sochingay? Instead of WANTING to celebrate it as a personal milestone, the approach is all about selling the clothes off your own back for the sake of pleasing the people you plan to invite to said celebration. The problem lies with the amount of importance given to weddings and the price people are willing to pay for it, not the fact that it's considered important or celebration worthy at all. Yes it's important, yes it's a big day and yes those who want to announce each detail to everyone in the social media world have a right to do so, but is it worth spending money one doesn't have on? Or putting yourself in debt for it? This question I'm asking would be irrelevant were it not as common on the subcontinent as it is, and frighteningly more so. The stores about dowry-related disasters and in-law expectations should be a thing of the past now, but sadly, they're not. Still very much a reality in our society and I hate that people are put under pressure to do things a certain way. Those who can't afford or simply don't desire a blow-out wedding shouldn't HAVE to have one, just as people who DO dream about it, silly as it may seem to some of us (i.e. me), have the right to do so as well. Went off topic with this rant. Cheers.

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply As I've stated before, it is most certainly an important day, but not one worth revolving everything else around. And all of what you said can be achieved without the self-inflicted stress often endured by wedding planners, i.e. brides, and sometimes grooms as well. You seem to be struggling to understand what I wrote as you have missed the point. Beg pardon, but have I given you the impression that I think it should be prohibited for someone to dream about their wedding day...? Or that it's a problem for ME personally if they don't? You stated, "'some of you' don't do it, that's not 'our' propblem." Right you are. Have I said it should be? I believe not. I don't like being grouped into one category as the author has done so in this blog. Her statement that ALL girls dream of their fairy tale wedding is incorrect, and I pointed out just that. If you choose to dream about your fairy tale wedding or prince charming's white horse, by all means you're free to do just that. The assumption that EVERYONE does that is what I have a problem with. Happy wedding dreaming and cheers.

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Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply Perhaps I shall elaborate a bit. Although it's one very important day, and understandably people want it to be memorable, I don't understand when it gets to the degree of becoming more of a stress for yourself and everyone around you rather than a positive milestone. It's meant to be a fond memory; it doesn't have to be perfect to be memorable. Instead of fretting over details or putting on a show for the sake of others, which is very common, why not simply make it a celebration for starting a new chapter in your life? A marriage is worth fighting/stressing for; a fairy tale wedding, in my opinion, is not. The stereo-types associated with "bridezillas' is a creation stemming from society's expectation for the glamorous story book wedding. And I never made a correlation between the wedding day itself and the marriage thereafter, or stated that the type of wedding one has has any impact on the type of marriage one has; I simply observed that people often seem to work harder at creating a perfect wedding day and less inclined to creating a working marriage. The two are not be directly related. Furthermore, I also never said there was one single reason for marriage ending in divorce. But in my observation, and statistically speaking, many marriages have crumbled for reasons none other than the couple is unwilling to compromise. Having the perfect wedding for many is important; for me, it isn't. I'd much rather create a successful marriage than worry about my wedding day or make plans for months in advance. In closing, while it's indeed an important day, today's world has made it a 'do or die' day; if they hadn't, weddings wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry in the US now. I stand by my own feelings about weddings. It is one day for me, and while I want it to be a memorable one, I'm not willing to stress myself out or terrorize those around me, losing sight of what's really important to achieve an idea of perfection. If I'm happy with the person I'm marrying, the rest will fall into place. Cheers.

sana imtiaz | 11 years ago | Reply i kept smiling while reading this,,,,so true...its a REALITY,,,i think we should grow up..i do understand that wedding is a one time event but it does not mean to start a pompous show with daily updates..well one can share this stuff with family or close friends isnt it enough???why facebook and if facebook then why not to make use of customize settings...in the hustle and bustle of our lives to indulge everyone even acquaintance in your daily updates makes no sense,,, and i think lets not be candid or critical about it ot to serious about it...its hilarius,give it a read and laugh out loud:)))))

Najia | 11 years ago | Reply I really enjoyed reading this article. But I guess times have changed. I got married 10 yrs back but now what I have observed is that the new brides are more into material things than the relationship itself. Keep writing

Sarah B. Haider | 11 years ago | Reply Women had been getting married since the beginning of time. Did our moms and grandmoms go haywire telling everyone in the mohalla how they were feeling about their big day? Guess no. Hence, this kind of behaviour is part excitement and part attention-seeking.

nishantsirohi123 | 11 years ago | Reply husbands facebook status- suhagraat hei ghunghat utha raha hu mein 1 like (wife)

Deen Sheikh | 11 years ago | Reply Pakistanis are a super judgmental lot, deal with it.

Shairose Ukanji | 11 years ago | Reply People go on posting about their tours, work life, family occasions; you might as well have done the same at least once (that's of course an understatement). So what is wrong in brides-to-be posting about their happenings; RELAX, that's pretty fine and normal.

Sarah B. Haider | 11 years ago | Reply Spot on! Hilarious but very true. However, the kind of society we live in, people ALWAYS tend to attack those who pinpoint the shortcomings of human nature. I remember posting a note on FB on a somewhat similar topic and people wrote comments like , "Keep Calm Sarah. Tumhari bhi hojayegi shadi". Another one said, "Seems like a case of sour grapes." At that time, I was furious, but now that I think of it, I laugh it off - not on myself, but the shallowness and judgmental nature of the majority. Moreover, every girl should remember that though excitement is pretty natural and everyone has the right to be happy but none of the obsessions mentioned in this blog would lead to a successful married life. So be excited and all but don't overdo things. P.S. We should not forget the extremely cheap desi brides who are eager to narrate their suhaag raat tales to their friends. Even those girls who intently listen to such tales should get a life instead of being nosy about someone's post-marital nocturnal activities.

Sana | 11 years ago "P.S. We should not forget the extremely cheap desi brides who are eager to narrate their suhaag raat tales to their friends. Even those girls who intently listen to such tales should get a life instead of being nosy about someone's post-marital nocturnal activities." - hahahaha, spot on seriously!! I don't understand how can you even think of sharing such personal details with your friends/sisters/cousins! I mean seriously! And on top of that, those girls keenly listening and even asking questions and getting all excited on someone else's "personal" thing - its all beyond me really!!

Sarah B. Haider | 11 years ago | Reply Can't agree more!

afza | 11 years ago | Reply seriously i enjoyed your reply more than the blog :)

Yumna | 11 years ago | Reply LOL. this is nothing but a case of sour grapes..just because 'people have been getting married for years' doesn't mean there should be no excitement, for the girl it IS her first time. it IS a big deal for her. in our country we lose out on reasons to celebrate every single day, let it be and go find something that makes you happy instead :) Just a casual read of a few blogs on this forum makes one realize how much negativity people have in their hearts..instead of commending the positives we fish out all sorts of things and dwell on them in such a negative way. no wonder we sit on our bums and whine while everyone around us including the neighbours 'we love to hate so much' sends out missions to Mars and progresses so well! P.S.: pretty sure the next reply to follow would be about 'how India should be doing something about the poor, spending resources elsewhere instead of sending missions to Mars yada yada..'

1984 | 11 years ago | Reply Honestly,wedding is the just the tip of the iceberg...Since I'm 27 yr olf unmarried,I'm in that phase where half of my former classmates are married and most of the female ones have kids... Some standard trends I find among them 1.Young couples showering their love towards each other on FB like "So lucky to have her" etc... I'm like "Dude,she's average looking at best...Our class girls looked way better than her" 2.Couples standing in poses remnising famous movie posters and one person(obviously paid by them) commenting "Wow you look like Sharukh and Kajol in so-and-so movie" I'm like "Dear Madam,Have u seen that movie or have you seen Shahrukh and Kajol ??If yes,how DARE you compare these faces with them" 3.We get it that your wife knows how to make gajar ka halwa(though it looks as black as dabur chywanprash)..Please dont post the photos and say its delicious blah blah ... Dude,I know you will have to sleep in the couch if you complain it,but dont spread the misery 4.Couples who have the bucket list of covering every single state in the USA and tag them in one location every weekend..Not sure whether this guy is working or just on a vacation from his father in laws money because onsite IT folks find it difficult to manage work-life balance 5.New mothers..I can write an entire paragraph for them...We understand that you are the most luckiest mother who have given birth to the most cutest,intelligent baby on earth who will invariably do some degree and work in a dull job in the future or get married to a dull guy.. Please dont take photos everyday and upload them for likes...Videos of him eating the first orange etc isnt cool when he's struggling over that sour slice..Thankfully noone posted the video of their kid pooping yet U can add few more if u like....

1993 | 11 years ago my friendly advice for you is ,,it is better for you to remain unmarried!!,as a girl i can say that 60% of girls will come under one of these categories(bcoz of boys mindset girls are behaving like this)whether it is pakistan or India,,i am an Indian (feminist)!!!

Loner | 11 years ago | Reply Good read. specially such girls should think of those who face troubles and being single is tougher on them instead they go on showing off their marriage

Ghostrider | 11 years ago | Reply "wedding season is upon us..." since when did muharram a wedding season? I think its the season when least marriages take place

usman | 11 years ago | Reply well written

Parvez | 11 years ago | Reply You restricted it to only 6 types, surely if you pushed your active imagination you could have gone upto 10 at least...........that was a fun read.

S | 11 years ago | Reply Frankly, I found this article to be extremely unfair towards girls who are planning/ excited about such an important and happy event in their lives. Women across the world are like this before their wedding. Why we can't be happy for others and find every chance to find faults in our own people is beyond me!! Try and be happy for others. Very disappointing article.

Shmeetes | 11 years ago I don't think that a wedding should be given so much importance by women. Yes it is important, but women pour their hearts and pockets out for weddings and 'shaadi' while men remain quite normal and calm during the affair. This is one of the things destroying girls in the subcontinent. All they think about is finding a man to depend on, and if they don't get that, they despair. Women should be stronger, and not define the value of their life on finding a good husband or having an overly extravagant wedding. Their value is intrinsic, it's defined by THEIR qualities and THEIR achievements and THEIR independence. This is why all these excited brides are annoying. If men don't seem to care so much, why should we? Our lives should have meaning without all this.

Shail Arora | 11 years ago | Reply A very interesting read, quite hilarious... "don’t turn into female versions of Bappi Lehri (enormous jewellery plus the giant mass) like most Pakistani women"... it's the same here in India. In fact, it's the same with guys too. They would start pumping up those biceps/triceps and workout for a month or so before the wedding and then it's all long lost history.

marium | 11 years ago | Reply This is a fine piece of brides mania going on...lolz good job

Sana | 11 years ago | Reply Nope! She means you don't need to be dieting only for the wedding day. You should be healthy otherwise as well, of course not anorexic....but the healthy eating & calorie count should matter always, not just before your wedding ;)

Sana | 11 years ago | Reply Hi-5!!!

boco | 11 years ago | Reply While the observations were mildly amusing the author's take on all types of brides was generally tiresome. I object to the bit about the 'researcher bride' - every girl (bride or not) has a right to a good bargain!

Noman Ansari | 11 years ago | Reply Umm... why don't you ignore it if you hate it so much. I would understand it if it was all IN YOUR FACE, but you seem to be going out of your way to find these posts only to get irritated. I don't know... if you don't like it, ignore them or just hide their posts on Facebook? It seems like it is an anxious and exciting time for them so let them have it? How is it hurting you? All you have to do is take the time to hide their posts, or just remove them from your friends list. "This species will be seen posting strange questions to salon pages on social networks, like:" It just seems like you are going out of your way to find these posts. "Salon managers, please block these data collection brides, at least from your social pages." Why would they block their biggest customers? Some of your things make sense, but this doesn't.

Guest | 11 years ago | Reply oh please lady.. .people usually get married once... there is nothing wrong with getting excited about their "big day" if you think they are wasting their time in posting this stuff on facebook, its their time not yours. And if you think they are wasting your time, try deactivating your facebook account to save your time because facebook is about socializing.be happy about others. accept them as they are.

Hilarious | 11 years ago Baji/bhaiyya aap to jazbaati he hogaye. Laugh it off !

Slob | 11 years ago | Reply hahaha omg! i have so many brides like this on my facebook. thumbs up girl

farheen | 11 years ago | Reply hilarious!!

Samra | 11 years ago | Reply Absolutely right.. I don't understand what's wrong with the girls.. why they can't stop showing off ! Pissed off

sarah | 11 years ago | Reply give the girls a break this will be the highlight of their married life! Be nice x

Indian | 11 years ago | Reply Seems like pakistani women watch serials too much on star plus.Serial kam dekha kijiye.You r getting nothing out of it .

123xyz | 11 years ago serials are fun.

Critical | 11 years ago | Reply "To top it off, she even tags the hotel that the couple is staying in on their wedding night, regardless of whether it is 1am or 4am!" Honestly,if a newly married bride is on social network at 1am on her wedding night.....It speaks a lot about her husband....

Aik-Paki | 11 years ago | Reply Very nicely written and argued article

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply Another annoying trait in a bride (or groom) to be: fretting over every little detail striving for "the perfect wedding" making the lives of people around you hell. It's one day people. It's supposed to be a celebration not a nightmare. If people focused half the attention they give the wedding itself on the marriage instead, the divorce rate around the world wouldn't be what it is. P.S. Not EVERY girl dreams about her fairy tale wedding. Some of us live in reality and don't have the time to worry about such things ;) Cheers.

gp65 | 11 years ago I agree with most of your posts but not this one. It is not 'just one day'. It is one of the biggest milestones in the girl's life that she will look back fondly with for years. Wanting a picture perfect wedding is in no way correalted (positively or negatively) with working towards a good marriage. There are many reasons besides people not working on their marriages that result in a divorce by the way.

123xyz | 11 years ago such things?? its important day of life . people want to cherish it. they look back at those moments captured in photos or videos . they talk about it, laugh and enjoy remembering those moments. 'some of you' dont do it, thats not 'our' propblem.

Guest | 11 years ago | Reply So what you are telling girls is that they should be "anorexic" and "starve themselves" after they get married too...:/

The Failed Rebel | 11 years ago | Reply Good, Rakshinda. You have highlighted how people try to decorate their lives with plastic, false impressions, and beefed emotions, though inside, they are as hollow as as a dried well.

Hashim | 11 years ago | Reply Funny article and nice read. Thanks.

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6 Pakistani species of crazy, maddening brides-to-be

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