A daddy’s letter to his little girl (about her future husband)

In the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you. Love Daddy.

Kelly Flanagan May 04, 2013
Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting.

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the colour of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,

Daddy

———

This post is, of course, dedicated to my daughter, my Cutie-Pie. But I also want to dedicate it beyond her.

I wrote it for my wife, who has courageously held on to her sense of worth and has always held me accountable to being that kind of “boy.”

I wrote it for every grown woman I have met inside and outside of my therapy office—the women who have never known this voice of a Daddy.

And I wrote it for the generation of boys-becoming-men who need to be reminded of what is really important—my little girl finding a loving, lifelong companion is dependent upon at least one of you figuring this out. I’m praying for you.

This post originally appeared here 

Follow Dr Kelly on Twitter @DrKellyFlanagan 
WRITTEN BY:
Kelly Flanagan A licensed clinical psychologist, practicing at Alliance Clinical Associates in Wheaton, IL. He is also a writer and blogs regularly about the redemption of our personal, relational, and communal lives. Kelly is married, has three children, and enjoys learning from them how to be a kid again. He tweets @DrKellyFlanagan
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

COMMENTS (20)

Jude Allen | 7 years ago | Reply You are a shining example to many many Pakistani fathers who I hope will look at their daughters as little angels and not as burdens that need to be married off. I admire you and I hope to raise my cutie pie the same way as described. I'm inspired as many others are too. All the best my friend. God bless you.
An envious Daughter | 7 years ago | Reply Dear Concerned Father, You are completely right. These days all a girl can think about is how to keep her guy interested. Most parents encourage it, especially mothers and close friends.Moreover, in the society we live, these things are hardly discussed. A girl is kept away from boys with threats and glares. So in turn, a girl fails to act as she should. She keeps nervous, and self conscious, Unable to blend into a new lifestyle. There are very rare parents who allow their daughters around boys enough so they can feel comfortable around them. I am ecstatic to know there are fathers who care about their daughter and understand what they need. What they deserve.Im sure your daughter is lucky to have you. If only Other fathers thought in the understanding way that you do then maybe their daughters would not have to feel inferiority complexes and suffer such hardships. I am almost envious of your daughter. If only I had such an understanding father! An envious daughter
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