What makes a complete woman?

‘Everyone hates me and makes fun of me because I am ugly and I am not feminine enough’ said my student.

Maryam Sakeenah February 04, 2013
One of my teenage students stopped me on my way to class, sniffling and holding back the torrent of tears, desperate for help. She said she wished to end her life because,
‘Everyone hates me and makes fun of me because I am ugly and I am not feminine enough’.

The girl was a brainy, hardworking young lady; one who would score excellent grades but suffered terrible pressure from peers because she did not dress or wax or style her hair like other girls her age did.

I was revolted by our collective inability to accept human beings as they are without trying to smooth the 'rough edges' to make us all clones of the ideal stereotype set down by society.

The ideal stereotype is reinforced relentlessly through advertisements and the entertainment industry that creates images that exercise enormous influence on our minds.

Grotesque billboards stare down at the city telling us how ‘Slim is the in thing’, while TV commercials tell us that not having the latest brand of cell phone or the fairest skin tone makes one highly ineligible for marriage; and that people who stutter stand no chance at all for their appalling, socially incorrect inability.

In her article ‘The Balancing Act of Being Female’, Lisa Wade talks about how as a woman one has to conform to expectations of behaviour in varying situations; how it is a daily battle to play up to the demands an oversexed society puts on women.

From dress to demeanour, all is sized up and judged for social appropriacy: when being flirty may be appealing, and what crosses the line into ‘asking for it’. At the workplace it ought to be ‘proper’ but not in the least ‘prudish’, and a slight misdemeanour may just spill it over into inappropriately ‘cheeky’ and hence wholly undesirable.

It is a lot of pressure, which most women agree to subject themselves to as they dress in the rightly sized heels to convey the attitude the occasion demands. Often, the pressure from society is not recognised as it is mistaken for the woman’s freedom and natural right to look good and feel desired. However, this may make women spend more than their ability to get that right sort of look to make them win the nod of approval from a society that objectifies femininity.

On the flip side, the pressure it builds on women who may look different, to conform and look like who they are not is brutally oppressive.

The images, stereotypes and values created by the entertainment, cosmetic and the advertising industries are brutally insensitive and build pressure on women to look, dress, act a certain way or be condemned to social marginalisation. The materialist-commercial ethic values physicality over and above all else, and this is far worse for women due to the commercial obsession with the woman’s body for selling soap or cooking oil or cell phones.

The pressure this builds plays havoc with individual lives as it smothers the natural diversity of human beings. God made us in varying shapes, sizes, colours and personalities simply because that is how the world was meant to be. The colours made by God are painted in a tawdry plastic hue in one unvarying, flat stroke of sameness. Women mutilate their own bodies to feel more accepted; botox, nose-jobs, liposuction and plastic surgeries have been steadily on the rise in this society.

In the context of all this, the Muslim veil takes on significance. For me, it has always meant a refusal to subject myself to judgement by a commercialised, oversexed society. It is immensely liberating from the pressure of having to conform to the social standard of how I ought to look.

It is a refusal to allow myself to be judged merely by how I look or what I wear, a refusal to be subjected to the lustful stare of an onlooker. I spend far less on my clothes, hair and makeup than most women in my income bracket.

The veil for me is liberty.

Breaking me free from the fetters, it raises me onto a more spiritual and intellectual plane and this defines my social interaction while deflecting attention away from physicality.

But then again, to be judged as more pious and holy than my veil-less counterparts is equally disconcerting.

I wish we could just learn the simple lesson that human beings are more than the sum of all the clothes they wear.
Maryam Sakeenah She teaches Sociology, Literature and Islamic Studies in Lahore and has authored a book documenting Islamic and Oriental responses to the Clash of Civilizations thesis. Maryam is also a social worker running an organization providing free virtual primary education for the poor and Tweets @MaryamSakeenah1
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.


Insaan | 10 years ago | Reply @A convert to Islam: A veiled muslimah is most certainly more pious than the veil-less; as the Noble Qur’an (as well as several Hadiths) clearly states in the Ayat’s that this is obligatory for all women In real life a Muslim veil less women can be more pious than a veiled one. A veil con't control the mind or hormones of the women or men who look at her. Most Muslim women in US don't wear veil or burqa, except some middle age converts to Islam.
BachelorBoy | 10 years ago | Reply That suppose to be another curse our mediocre society is following since the emergence of visual technology, Comparatively, of this modern and far more modest age of measuring things instead of seeing goodness in personalities, our Pakistani society is paying a lot in the shape of those pittyless vulnerablities, which ain't supposedly conceived to b a curse on this Islamic, Family originated society, where people ain't allowed to do free sex during their blooming days and bare illegitimate childs. Spontaneously extreme fallout of moralistic values from our Palistani society is carrying tons of filth and literoicities in it...
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