The Verdict
Working women: Whose decision is it anyway?

Working women: Whose decision is it anyway?

Why would a husband encourage his wife to work, and upon obtaining a good job, for some odd reason, dissaude her?

Ayesha Pervez December 07, 2012

The other day I was watching a Pakistani drama in which a young couple was discussing their future plans. The following conversation played out:

Boy: As soon as we get married I want both of us to make a lot of money!

Girl: But what if I don’t want to work?

Boy: I will make sure you do.

Girl: So if I say that I don’t want to work after marriage, you won’t marry me?

Boy: No.

The girl got upset and the scene changed, I stopped paying further attention to the play as just then my friend brought over a tray of snacks.

However, later that night, I happened to be reading the news when I came across an article about a popular morning show host whose marriage broke down recently. I was surprised to read the comments by the readers in which most of them laid the blame solely on the show host, stating that it was completely her fault because her husband had wanted her to quit her ‘glitzy and glamorous’ job but she decided not to give up her career and went ahead with the divorce.

Interestingly though, it was also mentioned in the article that her husband had encouraged her in the beginning of her career and had even accompanied her to a couple of her shows, appearing quite happy about the entire thing. Yet when she became too involved in her career is when he gave her an ultimatum; either she leaves her career or him.

Now the question that puzzles me is, should it be a woman’s choice whether she wants to work or not post marriage?

If yes, should she be able to decide the terms of her work by herself - which field she wants to work in, what her hours will be, how many days off she gets and so on - or will her husband decide?

There are no doubts to the benefits of working. Whether it be simple employment, a business or a full fledged career - working empowers a woman with confidence, independence and security. It is indeed a great feeling for a woman to be able to utilise her education and skills, benefit society and perhaps even contribute to her household.

I know several women who love working and they believe that every woman should be employed. A friend of mine, who worked during her single days, has not been working since she got married as her husband is not in favour of it. This girl is a religious, obedient person and she yearns to work in the field of education but is unable to convince her husband.

On the other hand, I also know countless women (young and middle aged) who wish they could stay at home, take care of the children and household yet they work because they are ‘urged’ to and it is ‘expected’ of them to bring something to the table.

Contrastingly, I also know of men who complain that their wives spend so much time on their career that they along with the children and household are neglected quite severely.

Ironically, these same husbands had encouraged their wives to work in the 'golden' days of their marriage.

Sometime ago, a colleague of mine told me that her husband made it clear to her that she ‘must’ work, yet when she got a job in ‘real estate’, he got upset and gave her a verbal list of jobs she could and could not do! I have heard of several other incidents where a friend got a good job offer but for some reason or the other, her husband, who compels her to apply in the first place, did not allow her to accept it.

In light of everything I have narrated above, I would like to pose the following questions;

Whose decision should it be whether or not a woman works and the kind of career she opts for?

Moreover, why is it that the same husbands who encourage or coerce their wives to work or have a career in the first place, then turn back and complain when she starts enjoying what she does?

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Read more by Ayesha here.

WRITTEN BY:
Ayesha Pervez Currently pursuing TESL in Canada, Ayesha Pervez is an English Literature graduate from the University of Karachi who has completed courses in short-fiction and journalism from Harvard University.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

More by this writer

COMMENTS (88)

Ali S | 11 years ago | Reply @Zainab: Reality check. You're not entitled to skipping any other normal responsibilities or any favors because you work. Working is not your right, it's a privilege. About time you stopped viewing "female equality" through rose-tinted lenses.

Sidra Ahmed | 11 years ago | Reply There are billions of women in the world; how can one solution (either yes or no to women working) be suitable for ALL of them? The answer will vary depending on different variables, such as the presence of kids, their respective ages, the views of both husband and wife, and the support system available to the family. However, this should definitely be discussed before rishtas are finalized, otherwise I could see it as being a huge cause of marital strife.

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Working Woman | 12 years ago | Reply Working Man: Whose decision is it anyway??????

Red | 12 years ago | Reply AKKK Thanks :)

ilyas afridi | 12 years ago | Reply every woman should have freedom of choice if she wants to do job or work if she wants to work then she should must be given to do it so. but she dont want to do it then she should not b force.................................i like this blog v much as the author has shown the difference faces of society and all these problems are present in our society.

AKKK | 12 years ago | Reply @Red your mom seems like a pretty awesome woman

Red | 12 years ago | Reply I just want to reiterate, as I said before, men are not the only ones who enforce gender roles and women are not its only victims. It's ingrained in both sexes. The women who make men feel bad for not being able to find work when they are trying to are not women I would support. Having said that, I would also like to make clear that when you don't have a job, you just don't lie around the house. You either try to find a job or do work around the house, find a hobby, etc. Someone who just sits around doing nothing isn't someone I would admire, whether that person is a man or woman is irrelevant. My grandfather was physically active even after retirement. He took on honorary positions, went out and met people and was always busy. He stayed that active till he passed away in his 90s. My mom stays at home these days but she is always involved in some project or another now that we are grown up. It's so hard to explain things here. I hope the difference is clear. I did see man just lying around literally just sleeping and watching television and not doing anything for years once. Hell, my mother didn't let me or my sister lounge around for so much as two months after our respective graduations. Say, if I had been working on publishing a paper or studying for GMAT, she might not have bothered me. As things stood, she literally handed me every job opening she found in the paper and told me to apply.

Red | 12 years ago | Reply Ahmed "If no sane woman is ready to marry a stay at home husband, I say no sane man should marry a woman who is not willing to have a job and contribute equally to finances." You implied no sane woman would marry a stay at home husband, I showed you that they do. A lot of the men in the article are not bringing in a "healthy" income compared to their full-time working wives, a subjective indicator if there ever was one to begin. One example is of a man who is not earning at all, part time or free lance or full time. My purpose was to provide examples of real life couples, not to push the work of the female authors. Also, contrary to what people may believe, stay at home does not imply no creative output or work in the day. Many housewives in Pakistan have part time jobs or are running businesses from their houses. Not in any way to imply that housework, child care or old age care is in any not work. It is. It is what allows many men to be able to work the long hours that they do to earn as much as they do. Something one should always take into consideration when one talks about who is bringing in the finances. As the article mentioned, paying for the same work that the woman or man is doing around the house can cost as much as that person would be earning working outside. On top of that, the person who only takes care of the house and children is also sacrificing years of experience in their field which means that if they do decide to join the work force in the future, say after their children graduate or something unexpected happens like a divorce or the death of the earning spouse, they are significantly behind the rest of their age group in earning power. Now from "no sane woman", you are talking about "almost all women". Good. In the space of two comments, you've modified your statement for the better. Attitudes don't change overnight. My point was merely that couples did exist that were experimenting with different house and child care responsibilities and that attitudes do change. You are an example yourself of the kind of flexible arrangement the article talks about where there is no rigidly drawn line about who is supposed to take care of the children and a couple goes with what is logical and best for their situation. I can't determine the pace of change obviously. People just forget history. We've already come a long distance from the marriage dynamics of the past century. As for assumptions, I apologize. Instead of saying Ahmed may think that staying at home, etc., I should have said Ahmed believes all women think staying at home, etc. Which also you've now clarified is not a belief you hold to be true for all women so moot point. As far as ET commentors go, I really don't believe they are representative of all women. All women do not live in Pakistan, are literate, would deign to comment on this article, etc. Just like I know better than to believe all the women on jezebel.com are representative of my entire sex.

AKKK | 12 years ago | Reply @Ahmed Yes you are right, any man who stays at home loses respect of his family, I have seen this first hand. One of our family friends is getting a lot of crap from his wife and kids because he has been unemployed for some years... he doesnt want to go home anymore ...

Ahmed | 12 years ago | Reply @ Red Also, there are hosts of articles which explain how much resentment the spouses of these stay at home dads harbor. Listen to the author of the book that has been mentioned in the article only. She is full of contempt for men who according to her have not made it ( financially). She is no advocate for choices, but only flouting how a big failure men are ( your supposed stay at home dads).

Ahmed | 12 years ago | Reply @Red, Stop projecting your assumptions onto others. You know nothing about me. I take care of my child during the day, apart from having a career. This allows my wife to have a career as well. But if I will stop bringing a healthy income, she is going to totally lose all respect for me, like almost all women, no matter what I do at home. Just look at all the comments on this very page and tell me what all of these women think of men apart from being an ATM.

Red | 12 years ago | Reply AKKK I hear you. My mother has never spent anything on herself and she sacrificed to educate me. She's the reason why we have a house and savings. Some people like putting women down so much they are blind to their own surroundings. I bet half the men commenting here have mothers who have sacrificed their own comfort to make sure they never wanted for anything. How quickly they forget...

Red | 12 years ago | Reply Ms. Ras Thank you for your polite response. We may disagree but it was a pleasure interacting with you.

Red | 12 years ago | Reply @peace Well, firstly, I don't advocate changing gender roles as much as I challenge the concept of gender roles itself. They are a societal construction. That's my stance. You may disagree. I believe there will always be people who do things differently than how you want them to in the world. Expecting all people to follow an unwritten and constantly evolving "gender role", which varies even within the same family, not to mention across tribes, cities, countries, continents and time, is naive. I believe in letting people be who they are. As long as they're not hurting anyone, who am I to dictate that anyone should fit in with my particular understanding of how they should behave? Secondly, "wasting money" is not even a gender role. It's a stereotype. I like breaking down stereotypes and I do it very well because I back it up with research. Whether that research boils down to how women are taught to behave and how they are raised, well, we don't know, do we? You raise a woman more equally by placing less emphasis on how she should sacrifice herself for her family and maybe she'd spend more on herself as well. It makes for another good research question. Thirdly, not all of us consider religion to be the be all and end all of everything. Which goes back to my first point, people are different. Fourthly, my "examples" were all from Pakistan. To reiterate, I would be pretty surprised if none of you have ever seen a man waste money. Watch your friends closely. Not all men will be spending on clothes like my friend there but they will have their interest and they will spend/waste (however you want to think of it) money on it. It could be anything - cars/bikes, video games, vacations, gambling, alcohol/cigarettes/drugs, shoes, suits, gadgets, the list is practically endless. If you were talking about my earlier example of stay-at-home dads, it was to show that it is possible, in response to someone's comment that no woman would ever marry a stay-at-home man. Again, the purpose is to take a step back and try not to project how we feel about a subject on the rest of the world. Ahmed may think staying at home is something awful for a man to do but if you value caring for and nurturing children it's a whole different perspective. Not all women marry men for their ability to bring in money and not all men marry women to have live-in maids. Many men and women marry only for companionship because they are perfectly independent and able to survive on their own. Some men do not want to miss out on seeing their children grow up and more power to them. Everyone should be able to make that choice without society dictating how they should feel about it. Men are forced into so-called gender roles as much as women are and it's not healthy for them anymore than it is healthy for women. Some men feel more strongly for children, for having them and caring for them, than some women do and that is OKAY. If you did read that article, it was more about flexibility anyways. More and more people will be working from home in the coming decades. I know a lot of men who work from home as graphic designers or computer engineers. Sometimes it's just a matter of being practical. If you're already working from home, whether you are a man or a woman, it makes sense for you to take care of the children and household unless you decide to hire a nanny and cook, which, by the way, is also OKAY. Whatever works for the couple. Lastly, I live in the west and they seem pretty sane to me. I see both men and women out with strollers all the time. I see a lot of love around me and it always warms my heart. Maybe I'm missing something? With regards, A liberal-fascist :)

AKKK | 12 years ago | Reply @Red I couldnt agree with you more ... men spend more on useless things than women... my own father and my sisters husbands are the biggest wasteful spenders I have seen ... nifact if my mother had not secretly saved money my father would have blown it all off on trips, clothes, perfumes... it was my mother who saved money for us 5 siblings to be able to study and get married. And one of my elder sisters husband is always spending money on clothes and shoes and she hardly spends on herself.

Of course they should! | 12 years ago | Reply @AKKK: Haha! I'm not a man, rest assured!....whatever, I'm not here to convince you to change your mind, you're welcome to live with your thoughts. If you think the man only has one job, then you're sadly misinformed. Im aware not all women are like that, i did say "if you want to do that, then work for it using your own money". I gave points for both sides. Seems like you're deliberately missing some of my points, just for the sake of disagreeing. Oh well. Each to their own...but, and i cant stress this enough, I'm not a man! Comes with the territory of anonymous posting, I guess. Won't be here again...so do what you will from now on.

peace | 12 years ago | Reply @pakiboy: agreed @Red: why are you suggesting changing gender roles when the role of men and role of women are defied by the Islam. you are giving examples of western countries but are you not observing the increasing numbers of phscological cases over there? increasing numbers of brats over there? when you try to alter the roles nature has defined then you are bound to face the euphoria of problems.

Red | 12 years ago | Reply Some people here seem to have the misconception that only women "blow off" money. I can assure you that, according to research, women are more likely to spend money on their family than on themselves which is why funding is usually directed at them rather than the men. http://www.jrf.org.uk/media-centre/family-benefits-paid-mothers-more-likely-be-spent-children-says-study http://www.freakonomics.com/2011/01/28/how-women-and-men-spend-their-money/ This research has proven again and again and again in different contexts and NGOs usually operate on this principle. I find it hard to believe that no one here has come across a wasteful man. I know as many men as women who "waste" funds. I remember a newly married guy friend's wife had to make him cut his credit card because he spent everything he earned on designer shirts. He was actually living on credit and had zero savings despite working for 3 years. Another guy friend of mine will insist on 4 and 5 star hotels during vacations while the women with hostels. I could go on and on and on with examples like this from the middle and upper class. I also don't believe none of you are aware of cases in lower class families where the women earn and the husbands blow the money they earn on drugs and cigarettes. I actually interviewed a lot of women and, from what I learned, women were more keen to educate their children than the men were and often struggled alone to fulfill this dream of theirs so the theory I mentioned earlier bore out even in my very micro study.

Insaan | 12 years ago | Reply @Working Woman: "Plus Islam has ascribed a certain division of labour for men and women and neither can shirk their responsibilities. There is no harm IF THE HUSBAND WISHES for the wife to have a job that doesn’t neglect the family, and it doesn’t mean that he isn’t accepting her right to freedom". Does Islam say a husband has the right to decide if his wife works or not? Do you also support a Muslim man's right to lightly beat his wife and have 4 wives?

Hasnain Raza | 12 years ago | Reply Ofcourse choice should be given to the wife to choose to work post marriage or choose not to. Depending on her qualification, she should pursue a suitable job. Her working hours must not exceed eight, if it is six, that's even better. If she doesn't want to work, then in that case, responsibility to earn money still lies on her husband, she should b left free on her own choice. Now the situation mentioned by Ayesha where husband first suggests/pushes her wife to work, and later on, after some years, instructs her to stay at home, is not that unexpected. Ofcourse level of responsibilities of both genders change with time. The later they grow post marriage, their lifestyle changes, children come into their life, so their bringing-up, schooling and certain other duties are also to be taken care of. What they should do is to decide mutually on the best possible solution. It must not be like "I want this & you don't" or "you can't do that" attitude, afterall they are life partners and they have to manage whole of their life together. If on one day, wife should unhappily leave her job to take care her household chores, may be in the near future, she gets a chance again to have good time for job. Its the husband who has to work all the time until his retirement. Wife should enjoy that flexibility and ease which Allah has allocated to her (in terms of doing job to earn money). Very nice article ayesha, specially the use of linking words and coherence of paragraphs. Keep it up, up to the sky :-) ..... and Unblock the blocked ones ok? cheers.

AKKK | 12 years ago | Reply @Ofcourse they should: Men already have enough on their plates? Seriously? what about women? They get pregnant and give birth, do the housework, manage the domestic staff, manage the children, social gatherings and parties, take care of demanding inlaws, take care of their own parents, have to look good according to soceitys standard.... and what do men have to do? Just one job. You are definitely a man under a womans cover!

AKKK | 12 years ago | Reply @Ofcourse they should: Wow you have some bad images of women in your head.... not all of them like going on endless shopping sprees and buying the latest handbag - some of them are quite simple housewives who would prefer to stay home and take care of the children and household rather than do double duty i.e work inside and outside the house. You career women dont even know how you are being misused by working both inside and outside your homes... hah so much for equality. Now do all the work and enjoy.

Of course they should! | 12 years ago | Reply @AKKK: Because men already have enough on their plates without having added the extra pressure of the wife who essentially leeches off him? There's a difference between using the money he earnes for the good of both of you and bleeding him dry, just so that you can buy that next pair of shoes or hand-bag etc. If you want to do that, then work for it using your own money! This should, as a rule, be the case when his income is essentially hand-to-mouth. And also be the case when you're rolling in it! Just because there's hefty income doesn't mean you blow it needlessly. People in general need to have a respect for hard-earned money aswell, which isn't the always case. Free-loading off your partner isn't fair (it's extra stress and tiring), just as him using you as an interactive incubator to top up the human race isn't fair (it's extra stress and tiring too!). I'm not talking about women that are forced to work, I'm talking about those women who went through the whole rat-race of getting to a good uni and then WANT to work that are dictated to by their partners under when/where/how/what work they are "allowed" to do. That is also not fair. What's wrong with having mutual respect for each other? Women shouldn't be expecting a walking talking ATM, that isn't the only thing what he was made for, similarly men shouldn't expect her to be pregnant ALL the time/doing your laundry, they are not the only things she was made for.

Some one | 12 years ago | Reply Most decent educated well Brought up men give their wives freedom & respect to work or not & also bring up a heathy happy home both understand each other & happiness Its got nothing to do with permission & being a Man & it has nothing to do with Religion stop bring religion into every thing . all those women who feel that after marriage they should not work well their mindset is that women are just Baby Production Machines or that their husbands are reallllllly RICH . or their husbands feel dominated if their wives work

Human | 12 years ago | Reply @Anonymous: I do not agree with you . A working woman can also look fater her home & family yes if your husband is rich & can have you only beign a house wife Fine good for you . But some women dont like sitting home the wntire day & just being a house wife so its her choice dear

EnJay | 12 years ago | Reply Everyone must realize that its all about balance and a little "give n take" but doesnt mean that the choice of where, how and when to work should be dictated to her, because at the end of the day it is her choice to do what she wants, whether she wants to work or not. The concept that she shouldn't work or should reconsider her career options when she gets married is a socially inept concept that may lead to frustration and problems in the relationship.

Ali Asif | 12 years ago | Reply I wonder people (both men and women) who prefer lifestyle over their children or family should ever get married. Women should work or not? Considering the current inflation rate, there are quite rare chances that anyone can make enough (to make a difference) while not working full time. Which means if a women decides to work, there is a greater possibility that her residential responsibilities are bound to be affected which can lead to bigger disasters. But yes, if she wants to do work to utilize the leisure time after dealing with the households, i don't think a reasonable man should have a problem with it. Equality between men and women has been made a joke mostly by the western culture. The word equality doesn't mean that a women should be equal to a man in all regards and vice versa. I am not talking religious here, it's a scientific fact. Both the sexes have different physiology and psychology which ofcourse is adopted mostly to the tasks they are supposed to carry out. It's just the wrong thought that have been injected into our minds that if a women does not work, it's an orthodox way of living one's life. Probably, it's because the society has become more important to us than our loved ones and all we think about is ourselves and the status in the society.

Ms. Ras | 12 years ago | Reply @Diddly poo Yes you are surely lucky if you have met more such men who dont want to be in a dominating position but I on the other hand have come across situations and people which have formed up my opinion. I wish the world will be filled with more such good natured and understanding men.

AKKK | 12 years ago | Reply @Ofcourse they should: Why shouldnt women freeload off their partners? It is a wifes God given right to spend of her husbands money just as it is a husbands right for his wife to bear him children and take care of him and the household. Why this extra pressure on women to take care of the house, kids and even work?

Of course they should! | 12 years ago | Reply @Sandwich-Lover: I'll be honest here, I laughed at this, :)... I work with guys like you. @pakiboy: I'm not married. But I read some of your previous points and agree with you, that women shouldn't freeload off their partners, as is the case sometimes, unfortunately. I'm yet to come across a man that thinks like I do. I couldn't actually believe one of my colleagues still had the mindset that women were only made for making babies! Needless to say, we don't get along. And im aware that not all men are like that. But hopefully when I do eventually meet someone, we both understand each other well enough to, as you said, tell each other our expectations of the other. I'm not the first woman to say that ambition is an attractive trait, I'm a very ambitious person, so I'd prefer someone who was the same. Not too much to ask in my eyes. But it's just such a shame that when women who get to competitive courses, graduate and then marry and do nothing! My cousin has the mentality that "they're not going to DO anything with that degree, so they may as well give up their place to a male", which makes me sick! So I hope you understand what I was trying to say. I'm no man hating feminazi, just trying to make my life a better one.

Diddly poo | 12 years ago | Reply @Ms. Ras: With respect to your opinion, I disagree. I've met many many such men who are perfectly secure with themselves as this is what they were taught. They were not taught that they must be the more 'powerful' figure in a relationship (earn more, be more dominating, make the decisions, etc) and better understand the word PARTNERship. They see the woman in their life as an equal partner, not subordinate. Men like that are not bothered if their wife earns more. I agree with being more or less on par with your partner (as far as education and intelligence goes, for obvious reasons), but I won't dumb myself down or down play my achievements/potential to earn with my future partner, whoever he may be, just so he doesn't feel insecure. Nor will I aim to find a guy who earns more. That's a superficial relationship to me. Men are not babies. The reason some men you've come across may be insecure is because they were not taught NOT to be threatened by a woman with earning power. I'm lucky to be around many secure men, that is why I know it's very possible. The time to make excuses and 'baby' grown men is gone.This is not only a poor expectation from women, it's an insult to real men (keyword: REAL).

Sandwich-Lover | 12 years ago | Reply @of course they should, do you smell that? Me neither..time for you to go back to the kitchen.

Ahsan Raza | 12 years ago | Reply In my opinion writer is giving one sided view. I have seen many women (in my own family) who envied my mother because she was a strong, career woman with having liberty to take decision of her and her kids lives, with say (mostly final) in any house matters. While seen my mother envying housewives. So mostly people envy others. I agree, now many women pursuing and want to pursue her careers after marriages also, but you would find a big chunk still with the mentality of a dependent. Who picture themselves a staying home, taking career of children and cooking food kind a ladies, their choice! Now, these ladies can be a perfect partner for a pro housewives dude. But its 21st century and, I see a woman a brain, a contributor, a citizen, a change maker, a much important part of society than just a dependent and kids carer of a narrow minded, short sighted, jealous husband.

Ms. Ras | 12 years ago | Reply @Diddly Poo @ Red You got it wrong. The point was that if women wishes to work after marriage it is much more advisable to find some one who is either equally qualified and employed or better. This is because men are generally insecure whehter educated or not and insecurity is nurutured if the wife is earning more than him. There definitiely could be men who are not insecure and who are understanding and kind hearted but majority is not.This was only a piece of suggestion for women who insist on working after marriage out of their own choice. Good luck to both of you for your aspirations.

Red | 12 years ago | Reply Ms. Ras I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was supposed to marry an insecure, whiny, tantrum-throwing boy. I always assumed I would marry a confident, grown man. Likewise, I always planned to marry a kind and understanding man. Why on earth would I marry (or stay married to) a nasty, hateful person anyways? I plan to do a PhD. I doubt there's a higher qualification than that? On top of that, I'm very ambitious as well. I plan to do very well in my field. I suppose this means I shouldn't marry. shrugs Oh well. It's not like marriage is my end goal in life. Not all of us are alike Ms. Ras. Not even close.

Diddly poo | 12 years ago | Reply @Ms. Ras: Telling girls to choose someone better employed isn't the right advice. It's archaic and it basically says it's okay if a guy's a whiny insecure mess, long as some woman is there to baby him. I'm not planning to marry a little boy, I would like to marry a young man. The MOST unattractive quality to me in ANYONE is insecurity. If he's secure, as a REAL man is and should be, he won't care.

Lams | 12 years ago | Reply This topic gets me really riled up because it shows how lazy & immature our men have become. First of all, working after marriage or not should be the woman's choice & agreed upon with the husband to be so that there are no shocks of any kind later. Secondly, all these people talking about equality, ofcourse we should strive for equality but in the beautiful way nature intends it. The problem in general is that in order to gain equality, women downplay the hardships of pregnancy & child rearing & men take it for granted so that they enjoy the fruits of their wives money. I'm not for or against women working but i despise how people (male or female) trivialize the role a woman in raising her family.One thing for sure is that women who work outside of their homes after marriage really do have to be superwomen! As noted in some comments as well, all the work pertaining to in laws, children, food etc are left to the woman to manage.

Ms. Ras | 12 years ago | Reply @Anonymous: Very good choice.. I must say.... continuing to work after marriage could be a night mare for those woman who do not have a kind and understanding husband. A man can feel totally insecure if the wife is earning much more than him..... He would then want the woman to remain submissive to him and say yes to every single thing he says becuase otherwise he could label the wife as selfish, arrogant , too proud of her job, a man like woman and the list goes on and on. So educated and ambitious girl outthere if you insist on working after marriage please choose some one who is better qualified and better employed than you are ; otherwise you could actually be feeling buised all over inside wiht in a few months in to marriage.

Anonymous | 12 years ago | Reply Yes this was exactly wat i was talking about... @pakiboy:

pakiboy | 12 years ago | Reply @Of course they should!: how does your husband feel now after seeing you all this successful?

pakiboy | 12 years ago | Reply @Anonymous: Best thing in your case is you exactly know what you expect from your life and to what extent you want to take your career. Appreciate your clear stance and not using your career as a temporary bait for a Good Rishta ! If its in your Naseeb then definitely you'll have money power whether you work or not and a husband who treats you like a princess.

Working Woman | 12 years ago | Reply Having gotten married recently, I too faced the same dilemma when I got engaged to my now-husband. Of course the choice to work is the woman's, however it is imperative that the terms and conditions be decided jointly. Plus Islam has ascribed a certain division of labour for men and women and neither can shirk their responsibilities. There is no harm if the husband wishes for the wife to have a job that doesn't neglect the family, and it doesn't mean that he isn't accepting her right to freedom.

Anonymous | 12 years ago | Reply I am a working women, single and has been working in a multinational for 4 years. No, I would not like to continue my job after marriage. Reason is simple, I want to maintain my household, my children, my family and more over I want to rest. There are many rishta walas who came just for the sake that girl is doing job. But I refused. Yes I do enjoy the power of money but all in all after marriage I want my husband to support me. My answer is : No women should not do job after marriage

zehra | 12 years ago | Reply it is certaininly not ours, hence i ddnt vote in the poll, it is the girls own decision what she wants to do, before and after, of course after marriage is another thing that basically sohuld be discussed with the husband, these days both work to provide however at the end a women is expected to take a break to provide care for home kids and at somes times if gets AHEAD from hubby, but again it is a personal decision and no way to be voted by the general public!!

Zainab | 12 years ago | Reply Pakistani men not only have very big egos, they are also chauvenist, lazy and insensitive (not all but probably more than 90% so ok to generalize here). Even the ones who encourage their wives to work citing equal rights still expect from the wife to make (or serve) dinner once home, do the cleaning up, look after the kids, supervise the maasi, and make sure the husband's clothes are always laundered and ironed in time. Encouraging them to work does not necessarily equate to sharing the rest of the responsibilities of running a house.

Nobody | 12 years ago | Reply It's a woman's choice if she wants to work or not. When I'm done with grad school and find a job I plan to work if and after I get married as well. I don't like the idea of depending on anyone else financially. As for having a family, perhaps someday. And if I do, I plan to continue working and I would expect my partner to contribute to house work as well. That will be his house and his babies too, not just mine. As for couples where women don't work by choice, I can understand doing more household chores to avoid over burdening one person. Balance is key be it in the house or out. If I'm working I expect my husband to put it an equal amount of work. Marriages don't break because women work. Marriages break because insecure men change their mind about decisions that should be their wives decision and because they don't contribute around the house.

Rambino | 12 years ago | Reply Here are some reasons for which giving up your job after marriage is not a good idea: 1) It is an absolute waste of your education 2) It may ruin your self-esteem 3) It could result in social isolation 4) It will make you entirely financially dependent on a single person. This could work out fine if it is a decent person, but awful if not. You may not know what camp your husband falls into at the beginning of your marriage 5) In the case of divorce, you will not have a penny to your own name, as you may well not have any of your own savings 6) You could find yourself in dire circumstances if your husband dies prematurely 7) It may make it impossible to influence decisions on where you live, where your children go to school, where you go on holiday etc. because you won't be making any financial contribution. 8) Your husband could fritter it all away and you may never find out until it is too late. 8) If your husband loses his job, or a lot of money, what do you do? 9) If circumstances ever change, you will have trouble finding a good job, as your lack of experience will have reduced your earning potential. 10) Your contribution to society may be limited to childrearing and housekeeping. You probably have a lot more than that to offer to the world.

Of course they should! | 12 years ago | Reply Yes women should work if they won't after they get married. Men that don't want women to work after marriage are jealous of her success and, let's be honest with ourselves here, aren't really men are they, if they are threatened by her success. The reason that the are worried about what other men MIGHT do to er if she does go to work, shouldn't be the issue, rather is he ballsy enough to stand up to the retards who think they can get away with that behaviour? I didn't go to uni to eventually turn into the home-maid he always dreamed of. I went to uni to expand my intellectual horizons and get my dream career. Also ladies: ALWAYS aim high when a partner is involved. Someone who is equal to you in education, if you're a surgeon, go for a surgeon too! Going for an accountant or business involved person will lead to jealousy on his behalf. Fact of the matter is men don't have it in them to see their partners reaching higher pay/reputation than them. So girls, make them work for it! Women outdo men in most intellectual sectors, therefore pull your lazy-arsed socks up guys, because we'll only get better. Using your fists to get your own way will only get you so far, for so long. Shout out to the working sisters out there! Keep going! We're in it together!! And let's help those sisters facing disgusting hypocrisy from the one person who is meant to know her the best.

Haseeb Talal Khan | 12 years ago | Reply In my humble opinion, if someone wants an educated women, it means he wants a life partner with her share of financial help. Today's Times, ever increasing inflation made a man like a machine, if a women doesn't want to work, then she should understand that she can not demand a life style, and if she wants a life style, she does need to work for it...unless husband is well settled into a job or business... Women should work for their own independence, it will empower them as well as give them the courage to make decisions, and become a utility member of the family..the girls these days dont like to do the house hold cores, for that matter they want maids, so what exactly they want to do the whole day....Women should decide right during their education time, what exactly they want to achieve? if they want a well settled guy, then they must compromise to other attributes that comes with that, and if they want a young guy, who most probably is in the struggling period financially, than they have to support him.... Women of today's era is like enigma to men....so they should express, what role they look for themselves, rather letting the husband's decision which might look forced....

Liver Burn | 12 years ago | Reply @Equality Stuff: It seems your wife earns more than you do and has given you a tough time, relax boy. @Pessimist your comments are good. @ahmed what if a wife tells a husband she will not have children? even one or two? Thats how it is if a man says he does not want to work. Man should work it is his bassic responsibility. Nowadays all men force their wifes to work, they have become quite beyghairat. Even porn stars have husbands so u can imagine

Ozair Khan | 12 years ago | Reply @Pessimist: I didn't mean that Women can or can not work in her entire life. It always depends.. Let me clear my point, just focusing on woman's life after getting married; If a girl is well educated, qualified, having competent skills & wants to do job or business willingly, she must go for it with her husband's approval. There is no harm in it absolutely.. But if I know that my wife can not earn respectfully, having no strong academic background or job experience, I will not allow her for this. On the other hand; If both realize that It becomes essential to earn in order to run household affairs prosperously, they can decide by mutual understanding. Although, Necessity is the mother of invention" As far as Societal values are concerned; Man is supposed to earn & woman is expected to run home economics primarily (in every next culture almost). Lets suppose I offer myself as a man who performs almost each household task perfectly like cooking, mopping, interior decoration, gardening, dress designing, Child Care, dish washing, can do make up etc.. but what I can't do is Job, Business, make money.. would be I accepted in a proper, perfect Man's role...?? Similarly, If a girl has only finest professional competency but bearing no worries about household activities, we should also condemn that.. There must be some balance in each others societal roles..

Red | 12 years ago | Reply Sorry, forgot to link the article: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/fashion/dads-are-taking-over-as-full-time-parents.html?pagewanted=all

Pessimist | 12 years ago | Reply Ahmed @ Pessimist My comment was intended for the class for which this article was written. I am well aware of the conditions in the lower working class. But clearly this article was not intended for the issues faced by them. And it is not me but you who is being ridiculous. If no sane woman is ready to marry a stay at home husband, I say no sane man should marry a woman who is not willing to have a job and contribute equally to finances. This is what equality demands. What is so difficult for you to understand this simple concept of equality? Both men and women should have equal rights and equal responsibilities. Unless you believe in supremacy of one on the other. I suppose that by your logic, women and men should also play sports together, since there is a need for 'equality'. I'm sorry, but your class logic is not valid. Perhaps you do not understand, traditionally men were thought to be the sole bread earners. If a woman also wants to contribute, then by all means let her. If a women wants to be a stay at home mum, then let her be. Regarding a man not wanting to work, if he has genuine reasons then I don't blame him. By genuine I mean a disability or something of that nature. Anyways, we can continue to debate this, but I see no point. It's early morning here and my brain is not functioning properly :/

usman bukhari | 12 years ago | Reply its so simple "dont be biased towards anything which you think is not allowed either in religion or man made culture/society" ... what i meant here is EITHER DONT ALLOW LETTING GIRLS GO TO JOBS WHAT EVER IS THE JOB , AFTER MARRIAGE AND THEN IF THAT IS NOT DONE , ITS ALL UPTO THAT DOUBLE-STANDARDS YOU HAVE KEPT AND NOTHING ELSE".... nowdays people are confused about this topic in particular , either let go her and keep encouraging her or dont make her think to do job or whatever. our society is based on half-western and half-Islamic approach.!!!

Parvez | 12 years ago | Reply @Asad M: Kindly read my comment carefully, I have said ' Men and more so Pakistani men.........' as such I have not restricted it to only Pakistani men........that would have been unfair. At the end I have put this male ego thing onto faulty male DNA ( that covers all men including me and not just Pakistani men) One other thing I have learnt is that age is a dominant factor that allows compromise. Things that at 30 were a definite ' no-no ', becomes ' come to think of it, why not ' when you hit 50+............crazy isn't it ?

Red | 12 years ago | Reply Ahmed Plenty of women have no problem contributing equally (equal percentage of their respective salaries) to the household provided men share equally in household chores, child rearing and old age care (where either her or his in-laws are part of the household) and they get separate living accommodations (after all, equality means the woman's parents are no less or more important than the man's). Furthermore, there are cases of genuine stay-at-home husbands. It is considered taboo due to patriarchy but as more men start taking on the role society will begin to accept it. I am sharing an article of increasing cases of stay-at-home husbands in the US. It is a trend that is growing, although at a slow rate, across countries which are closer to gender equality than we are currently. You can do a Google search to find more cases and more articles. It is something I actually encourage, especially since I see a lot of marriages where the woman is better educated and more ambitious with greater chances of earning more than the man as well and the man has a greater interest in child rearing than the woman. They complement each other. Marriages don't have to have both the parents working, or just the mother working, or just the father working. Choice is very important. Obviously one person will have to work but I see no reason why old gender roles should be the default. To give my own example, when I was interested in a man, he was unemployed and very worried that he couldn't provide for me if we decided to get married early. I told him I could earn while he tried to start a business or went for higher education, the two choices he wanted to explore. He thought that was appalling, not me. Kindly do not blame women for patriarchy and gender roles. Many of us are trying to dismantle these institutions. That benefits both men and women as it increases their choices. As different gender roles become acceptable for both sexes, they can make free choices and find partners better suited to their life style. It will also decrease the discomfort men feel when they get fired or are out of a job and the women take over providing for the family. A lot of men needlessly feel emasculated in such situations (and, no, these situations are not limited to the lower class. I have seen such situations in my friends and family. For instance, in one case, the father had died and the daughter took over the family since the son couldn't find a job. In another, the husband tried to start a business and failed losing all family savings and was unable to find a job subsequently and the wife started earning. These are not permanent scenarios but still good examples of role reversals that lasted several years). That needs to change.

Tahir | 12 years ago | Reply @ Khalid Delhvi do deeply agree with you brother.

Rubab Khan | 12 years ago | Reply Great thought Ayesha, Personally, I think a lady is Educated and wants to live her life peacfully, she should be play a vital role in his husband professional life, mostly i heared about girls are seeking a wealthy husband to make their dreams come true and stuff . .which is clearly a selfish act by them . Come on be positive make your married life equal bcox husband is not a money making machine...Ayesha your question is (Should women work after they get married?) i must say ? (YES women can work after marriege to support her husband )...

CommonSense | 12 years ago | Reply I believe if a woman has the education and the desire, she should work but not without the husband being okay with it. And these things ideally should be sorted out before the marriage in the presence of the families as to whether the girl can work or not after getting married. If the girl wants to work and the prospective husband does not want her to, then she can decide whether she can compromise on it or not. If not, then there's no reason to get married. Personally, I do not have an issue with my future wife working, however I would very much prefer that it should not be a 9am - 6pm job, as she needs to to tend to a few things at the house as well. Flexible jobs, especially of teaching and some administrative jobs at educational institutes would be ideal. She can utilize her education and skills as well as have plenty of time for the home and family when she gets back.

Ahmed | 12 years ago | Reply @ Pessimist My comment was intended for the class for which this article was written. I am well aware of the conditions in the lower working class. But clearly this article was not intended for the issues faced by them. And it is not me but you who is being ridiculous. If no sane woman is ready to marry a stay at home husband, I say no sane man should marry a woman who is not willing to have a job and contribute equally to finances. This is what equality demands. What is so difficult for you to understand this simple concept of equality? Both men and women should have equal rights and equal responsibilities. Unless you believe in supremacy of one on the other.

shuja ul islam | 12 years ago | Reply actual rights n wrongs will decide the terms of women working..not the husband or wife..and besides...its not a big deal as much u r making out of it..!!

Usman | 12 years ago | Reply Quite good.. i am totally agree with all points but i want to raise one more point here, people who don't want their wives should work is because the way how people treat or behave outside with lack of moral and ethical values, rumors and insecurity make hard for them to give them permission, we just have to give education and good training to our people.

Insaan | 12 years ago | Reply @peace: "women are allowed to work but are not expected to work in Islam. and this is the high status given to women and should not be taken away from them." Women are not even allowed to eat alone or drive or talk to unrelated men (alone) in Saudi arabia a country whose constitution is based on Quran and Sunnah. Behind this thinking there is a fear that she will do some thing if she finds a chance (MOKAH). A woman should work and her husband should help her run the household.

BachelorBoy | 12 years ago | Reply If a woman is free to make her choice in choosing man for marriage, there she is authorised enough to choose everything by her own self for her career n vice versa.. Comparatively, In recent past men's prestige was'nt baring it to make their ladies work outside the home, but today's modest world has ultimately brought us on verge of compromises people have an arm n leg capabilities to meet their legal n illegal dreams to get fulfilled, otherwise it is justified obviously that a healthy society could only be raised when women are bound to nourish their families... The answer to ur question in my view is, not women nor men should decide anyone's career outside of the home, instead they should properly pave on What Islam is saying regardingly...

Pessimist | 12 years ago | Reply I see some very enlightened comments here: Ahmed What if the man comes to his wife and tells her that I am not going to work from now on and stay at home. I am damn sure not a single woman will agree with these terms. No woman has ever married an unemployed man who has no plans of getting a job Believe it or not this actually does happen. Unfortunately it's in the lower class. I've read and even witnessed countless cases of men who have refused to work and the women were left as sole bread earners. These men usually spend all the income on drugs and abuse the women. It's nothing to be proud of, and I don't know why you wrote this comment. Furthermore, if a man has no plans of getting a job, than no sane woman will marry him. I don't know why some males quote such ridiculous comments when it comes to women rights. Ozair Khan Women should not work after getting married, reason could be the societal role of a woman. Her primary role is supposed to perform household activities after marriage. But it is absolutely alright, if she wants to get employed, utilize the knowledge & skills that she acquired during studies as long as her home, children, husband not getting hurt. If she is on the position in which she has enough qualification & simultaneously can get her laws into confidence that she could manage home & her job at the same time, she should be allowed to go ahead. (Importantly: here I only refer to those women who work for time pass, not for necessity). Do you live in 1950? Is that what you think women are made for? To be housewives? Baby popping, meal cooking, house cleaning and husband worshiping machines? Are you aware that the first wife of our Prophet (pbuh) was a trader? Why should the in-laws have a say in if a women can work? As far as I know, a marriage is between a man and a woman, not a woman and the entire family. Lastly, what on EARTH does working for time pass mean? Please tell me, I am genuinely curious.

Haq | 12 years ago | Reply Choice is a luxury not everyone can afford. In the real world, people work because they have to. When a woman works she doesn't go out every day and party. She works just as hard as anyone else, earns a living and puts food on the table for her family.

Katarina | 12 years ago | Reply Both parties have the responsibility to take care of the family also financially. When the children are very small it may be better that one of the parents stay at home (or alternate with the other parent). But in the long run both need to work except there are some significant amount of wealth in the family.

Khalid Dehlvi | 12 years ago | Reply Well shud not work at all unless in extreme need and that too in purdah and in all female environment. moreover id she's single she should ask for permission from her father and if married than from the husband. Moreover it wud be a very big beghairat who wud devour the earnings of his wife or daughter. a ghairatmand and honourable man will never take 1 penny from his wife or daughter.

gp65 | 12 years ago | Reply Well written blog. But I have one minor crib. I think women work anyway - your question refers to paid work. By implying that only women who get paid for their work actually work, you are perhaps unintentionally triviliazing the effort of homemakers. Onto the question you posed in your blog with the caveat that it refers to paid work. I don't think it should be either the woman or the man's choice. It should be based on what was agreed either explicitly or implicitly at the time of marriage. After all men don't have that choice either - do they? They are expected to earn. The question comes up for women because their role is in a state of flux. Personally, I feel that as long as the division of responsibility is fair whatever tradeoffs the couple decide in terms of increased income but less leisure for both - should be fine. If one person wants to change what was agreed upon, it needs to be negotiated and not demanded as an entitlement. Failure to maintain work life balance is a completely different issue (as with the show anchor, it can also happen with ambitious career men). If loved ones are neglected due to not maintaining work life balance, it will have adverse consequences -regardles of whether the marriage ends up in a divorce. That's my 2 cents...

Sameera | 12 years ago | Reply Blog is slanted in favour of the argument that women should work and often could not because of husbands. In our society women can't work because of less than amenable working conditions and lack of proper childcare opportunities. In many cases, women have to stop working because of child rearing at early stage and as kids go to school, can't find good jobs.Then, absence of favourable working conditions and, especially, lack of respectability associated with certain jobs proves a hindrance. What can a husband do if his wife becomes an object of gossip or leering amongst family and friend?It is largely society and not husband that considers certain jobs respectable and others out of bounds for women. So, in our society, legal, social and cultural changes are needed to make life of working women comfortable and hassle free.

Asad M | 12 years ago | Reply @Parvez: Who says only we have it? My white and asian friends wouldn't like their wives to make more than them and it makes sense since men have to be the ones to provide for their families, not the women. So if their wife makes more it hurts their egos. Try to be broad minded and not try to put it on Pakistani men only.

Rakshanda | 12 years ago | Reply I completely agree with Ahmed. It should be a woman's choice but it should also be man's choice whether he wants to work or not. Women empowerment does not only stop at equal rights - women should be willing to shoulder equal responsibility. Can't have your cake and eat it too!

Equality Stuff | 12 years ago | Reply @Tehniat waheed: Not everyone is rich...

Equality Stuff | 12 years ago | Reply Stupid article... gives only one side of the story.... Why does it have to be hers and hers decision only..... It has to be a MUTUAL Decision... Taking into consideration factors such as the FAMILY'S financial conditions, future plans, family plans and other usual crap... A man is supposed to have a job... He doesn't get a choice.... Women want equal rights... You need to share equal responsibility too... Equal responsibility means doing what is best for the family unit... I am not saying whether they should or should not work... But a decision needs to be reached taking into consideration ALL FACTORS AND OPINIONS... And btw the women are so full of it.. The money guy earns is both of theirs and he has to provide for everything.. but the money she earns is just hers... and if she ever spends any part of that money at home... Sari umer jatati rahay gi...

Usman786 | 12 years ago | Reply We men want our women to remain in limit while doing jobs not to become like that TV show doctor host

Ozair Khan | 12 years ago | Reply Women should not work after getting married, reason could be the societal role of a woman. Her primary role is supposed to perform household activities after marriage. But it is absolutely alright, if she wants to get employed, utilize the knowledge & skills that she acquired during studies as long as her home, children, husband not getting hurt. If she is on the position in which she has enough qualification & simultaneously can get her laws into confidence that she could manage home & her job at the same time, she should be allowed to go ahead. (Importantly: here I only refer to those women who work for time pass, not for necessity).

Turbo Lover | 12 years ago | Reply Look, times are tough. One simply can not make ends meet alone, unless he/she is very very rich. It has been scientifically proven that males die earlier than females (oops, looks like somebody will be inheriting an enviously large fortune). If the husband dies young (anything can happen!), will the wife chose to die or marry another man not out of love, but for financial gain? What's the fun in a marriage when it's all about money but nothing else?

Tehniat waheed | 12 years ago | Reply one of my best reads. Couldn't agree more. I even see cases where women are forced to work by their husbands with sugar coated reasons like "I can't handle home expenses alone".

Pakistani | 12 years ago | Reply As a single female student, spending my days studying insanely, i expect to work and see it all pay off at the end of the road. Now, say, a man was to come and tell me NOT to work, only because he says so (for whatever reason, neglected house, neglected husband, ego issues etc.). This would definitely not make me quit my job. However, neglected households are the basis of broken homes nowadays, and if I were to stay married, I probably would ensure that I gave time to both my home and my job. Now, the other problem. If men WANT women to work because they just want to, then it's an extremely stupid reason for getting up early every morning and dragging yourself to work. But if you happen to be living hand-to-mouth, or even a mediocre lifestyle and you wish to improve that, then yes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the woman working to provide for the family. Most of the needs in a couple/family are the woman's, for the man seems to survive on lesser money. So if the woman wants a comfortable lifestyle, and the man isn't able to provide her needs, then she needs to stop being such a dependent housewife and find a job.

Ahmed | 12 years ago | Reply What if the man comes to his wife and tells her that I am not going to work from now on and stay at home. I am damn sure not a single woman will agree with these terms. No woman has ever married an unemployed man who has no plans of getting a job. How is then gender equality that women should be given a choice on matter of working and earning and not men?

peace | 12 years ago | Reply The decision to work or not to work should be a woman's. no husband or any other member of the family can or should coerce women into working and earning since this obligation is rested on the men and not on the women by Islam. women are allowed to work but are not expected to work in Islam. and this is the high status given to women and should not be taken away from them. The real freedom is not when woman works indeed the real freedom is when she can chose herself whether she wants to work or stay at home. it has become a norm these days that eligible boys and their families are preferring working girls over the non working girls for marriage. something that should be condemned right away.

Red | 12 years ago | Reply It should be the woman's choice. Do men ask their wives whether they should work or not? Discussing the pros and cons of working and options about where to work is okay, just like you might discuss any decision with people you are close to through out your life, but the final decision should be an individual's. A woman is not property, she is not a child. She is an adult with the right to work. A human right. Women are human. Forgive me for breaking it down but people seem to forget that a lot.

Umme Kulsoom | 12 years ago | Reply I personally feel its solely in woman's hands what she wants to do and how she wants to take it along. Communicating the choice to work or not to work is of prime importance. If she likes what she does, she should tell her husband with the convincing aspect of the job in her mind. What matters the most is the amount of time she spends in building new relations and managing a new life willingly. Also I would suggest the newly weds to give time to family ties and bonding during the first two years of marriage. Ultimately things start lying in their favor.

pakiboy | 12 years ago | Reply Every household has different circumstances and needs. Women who want to work have a problem that their husbands don't let them work and those don't want to work have problem that their husbands force them to work. The main reason for this is the confused state of women in regards to their career and not clarifying prior marriage their expected role in the marriage. Prior marriage parents/girls would say they are career oriented etc just to land them into rich families or with well established guys and afterwards these women become lazy freeloaders who all of a sudden don't want to work. Similarly some parents/girls will portray prior marriage that they are Gharelu type wifey and all of a sudden she wants to work leaving the entire household / childrens responsibility on her in-laws. SO AS LONG AS EXPECTED ROLES OF MEN & WOMEN ARE AGREED PRIOR MARRIAGE SUCH ISSUES WONT ARISE AT LATER STAGE. i have a question too: what if one fine morning your husband decides that he does not want to work and stay at home , will you give him a free right the way you expect from men as describe above?

Parvez | 12 years ago | Reply Great job. You have dealt with a complex topic nicely and compartmentalised the issues so that they are easily unnderstood. My answers to your questions have been given after a gupshup on this topic with my wife : As they are married the decision to work should ideally be a joint one. The job choice should be the womans, as she has to be comfortable with her job. Men and more so Pakistani men, have a monumental misplaced ego or chauvinistic streak and for them to accept that the woman is not just enjoying her work but earning more than him, is just not acceptable. Explaining this is hard, put it down to faulty DNA.

Pessimist | 12 years ago | Reply Unfortunately there is no straightforward answer to your question. Ideally it should be the decision of the woman. She needs to decide whether she wants to pursue a career after marriage or raise a family. Both are possible, but she needs the support of her husband. I feel that this is something which needs to be discussed before marriage and not after it. Alas, women are only seen by our society as baby producing machines when they turn 20...

ForeverAlone | 12 years ago | Reply ...and then there are single earning men, earning more than your average well-settled larka...and they are looking for single ladies, only requirement: 5'7", parhi likhi n model looks. We will do the mazdoori... And theres a quake in japan, meri aahh suni gye! Regards, Forever Alone.

Asif Majeed | 12 years ago | Reply Our girls must realise that they must have focus on their jobs and plan from school days the career path they'll have.At present too many girls make landing a rich husband as the goal of their lives.This leaves them at the mercy of their husbands and inlaws because the husband and his family knows that she is not going anywhere because she doesn't have a job. So,it's highly necessary for girls to not waste their education and to focus on having lifelong careers.It's only when you earn for yourself and can meet your own expenses that you have true freedom in life.If you spend your life depending on others to feed you and bear your expenses,than it's not a life with freedom.

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