The Good Life
Only in Bollywood...

Only in Bollywood...

You know you're in Bollywood when the hero beats up 20 gundas and clubs are called 'discos'.

Asad Hasnain August 28, 2010

1) Irrational nomenclature - Bollywood: Named in pursuance of the oh-so-holy Hollywood the word was coined after Indian film capital Bombay, but since the city is now called Mumbai why not call it Mulliwood?

2) Aal iz well: Bollywood propagates the idea that India is filled with unlimited wealth which is utter nonsense. If you go beyond the movie sets and the candy flossed frames you will discover just how unglamorous life in shining India is.

3) The quanitity: The industry produces bad movies without any regret and displays an eagerness to make hopeless movies repeatedly.

4) The family business: Bollywood should be known as a monarchy since it is ruled and fought over like a royal's heir battle for the throne. There are the Bachchans, Khans, Yash Raj Chopras, Johars, Kapoors (Raj etc) and Kapoors (Anil etc) and lots more. Each have a legacy of their own and make a fortune by virtue of their surname. It's kind like the mafia.

5) Award shows: There are just so many. And with a few exceptions they are so terrible it is difficult to decide which one is the the worst. It seems every Bolly-family and their friends simply must have an award show of their own.

6) Actors in the arena: The presence of Indian movie stars in the cricket pitch and various sport arenas is ironic. It is obvious that they cannot even play without a stunt-double. Very filmy!

7) Remakes: When an abundance of money starts bothering Bollywood producers and they fall short on good scripts they turn to every film maker's back up plan: the remake.

8) The fake 80’s: Although I was not a direct victim of that time period, I have seen too many 1980’s productions for comfort. The torturous disco movies with ‘plutonic’ plots are not my cup of tea.

9) Plagarism: Bollywood music directors seem to think they have copyrights to steal and chop the best songs from any part of the world (especially Pakistan). They change lyrics to cliched Bollywood fare so they can claim them as their own musical masterpieces. At times Bollywood does not even bother to change the words of tracks copied from superior Pakistani music artists.

10) Lollywood: Despite disliking the industry I know I will continue to watch Indian movies. The reason? I want to watch Urdu/Hindi films - and Lollywood is just not an option.

WRITTEN BY:
Asad Hasnain A CA trainee student with an interest in politics, movies and music.

The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

COMMENTS (9)

Anoop | 14 years ago | Reply "Despite disliking the idustry I know I will continue to watch Indian movies. The reason? " What on earth is idustry? Dont you spell-check your columns? You wanted to write a negative blog about Bollywood. Came up with a host of reasons why it sucks. Then, it struck you! "How do I know so much about 'The enemy's' movie Industry?" ."Because I watch them!" Then you added a silly reason that since Lollywood isn't that good you watch Bollywood movies. Rofl. Lady, Guy, whatever you are, if you dont like our movies press the red button on your remote. And, your last line is contrasting your whole article. You say you watch Hindi movies because Urdu movies suck. Isn't that saying that Hindi movies are good? Then, WHAT THE HECK IS THIS COLUMN ABOUT? Answer the above and then we can really start the discussion about movies. I, a South Indian, watch movies from 5 different languages. So, I consider myself pretty informed. FYI, the best movies in India come from Tamil nadu. Ghajini, Bombay, Roja, etc appeared in Tamil first. Watch which country you are talking about when talking art. India is a cultural juggernaut, a soft power.

Tayyab Raza | 14 years ago | Reply its a form of entertainment... most of the movies are pretty good . excluding the onez spreading hate about Pakistan.

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rocket | 14 years ago | Reply the author is the best representative,of most pakistani peoples mentality.such people would go an extra mile in proving how indian movies depict nudity,immorality,anti-islamic and violent ,in a public discourse ,and in their view possibly all the evils of this world originate from indian movies.they would suggest irani,french,spanish and may be movies from mars should be watched by pious pakistanis.but all this rubbish is for public consumption.everyone knows that they secretly love BOLLYWOOD as the auther has finally conceded.they would not lose any opportunity to enjoy a bolly flick.all the points author has tried his hands upon to portray indian movies in a bad light are in fact the very reason of its success all over the world.today if there is a film industry in world which can give hollywood a run for her money,its indian .hollywood movies still have a very small chunk of business in india,and that too when india has not banned any wood.

rocket | 14 years ago | Reply hypocricy at its peak.

Ahmed | 14 years ago | Reply If you don't like Bollywood, just don't watch it. And, don't plead to show Indian movies in our country. Or, pirate truckloads of these movies to watch on Dee-Vee-Dee. Of course, you wouldn't have much else to watch, since Indians are slowly buying up Hollywood studios (like Dreamworks). Now, mommy is calling you. Go back and do your homework and instead wasting time at the movies. (Or, writing meaningless blogs). Ok? Ahmed

Harsh | 14 years ago | Reply '80s was the worst decade for hindi movies. Lately, they have started producing some good movies. Things have changed for better in the past few years. Am sure you would notice it yourself.

Ghausia | 14 years ago | Reply haha you really don't like Bollywood do you? I doubt Taare Zameen Par or Rang De Basanti had a lame storyline though, I haven't watched My Name Is Khan yet mainly because I disliked the publicity stunt SRK did, but come on, they have good movies. And Hollywood has a lot of awards shows and big stars as well, I'm indifferent towards Bollywood, watch very few movies, but come on, don't be so biased.

F. Alam | 14 years ago | Reply Hollywood movies can never beat ... Lollywood movies (such as Khuda ke... Web editor: could please make these corrections in my previous post.

F. Alam | 14 years ago | Reply Good luck to Bollywood but why not Lollywood? Would you burn your small house because someone else has a bungalow? We should focus on low budget quality movies. Hollywood movies can never bet French and Spanish quality movies. Same way, if we start focusing on quality, Bollywood movies (such as Khuda ke liye, Ramchand Pakistani, Khamosh Pani, Blood of Hussain, Neela Parbat...) will always stand out despite low budget. So who is setting aside a few crore to make at least one quality Lollywood movie? Rest will follow and the industry will be alive within a few years!

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