A foreigner's love for Pakistan
By sheer luck and forged destiny, I met a Pakistani woman and fell truly, madly and deeply in love with her.
My exposure to Pakistan was limited. I classified it as one of those countries that was created on religious concepts, was racist toward the rest of the world and wanted the Americans dead.
Call me ignorant, but with the way Pakistan is portrayed in the media, as a foreigner it is hard not to be deterred.
Then, by sheer luck and forged destiny, I met a Pakistani woman and fell truly, madly and deeply in love with her.
There was beauty resonating from deep within her and it came out in her dark, soulful eyes.
Little did I know, that in less than a few weeks, my entire life would change because I was not only falling in love with a person but I was embracing a culture, a lifestyle and above all I was going to embrace a country deemed one of the most dangerous in the world.
The first aspect of Pakistani culture I fell in love with was the food. There is nothing in this world that can come close to the comfort provided by haleem, nihari and a warm, buttery piece of naan.
The spices and herbs used in Pakistani food are unique, authentic and jump-start the day reflecting Pakistan’s vibrant culture. Not to mention all sinuses are completely cleared when those green chillies hit the back of the throat.
You know what takes the cake?
After hours of gruelling work I finally made my own batch of haleem and it was delicious.
Moving onto the people; warm, hospitable, welcoming and dramatic in every sense. Pakistani aunties and uncles will make sure us young lads are fed, pampered and shown off like none other.
Some of my best memories from last year are being fed huge amounts of biryani on Eid, dancing with a friend’s family at his dholki and always being the centre of attention.
I was told I did the bhangra better than Pakistanis themselves. I feel like I belong, without even having to try.
Everything is said and done dramatically adding pizazz and flamboyance to language, clothing, conversation and events. Every “Ufffff” is elongated to maximise expression and every “hai Allah” is comical.
My personal favourite is “bussssssssssssss,” with a sizzling hiss at the end to fully convey the dramatic tone being used.
My future mother-in-law sent me a beautiful, blue kurta from Pakistan to wear at a wedding.
Loose and airy around the body, I feel like I am allowed to breathe and walk freely in it. It also has a regal feel, with stunning embroidery work, long, formal sleeves and truly reflects the comfort present in Pakistani culture. It is easier to sit on the ground, cross-legged in a shalwar kurta and personalise the experience of eating with hands, chattering with guests, shoulder to shoulder, enjoying the feeling of being communal and united. I also find digesting food a lot easier after having eaten while seated on the ground.
What shocked me most about Pakistan’s people were its women.
I was always under the impression that most Pakistani women succumb to marriages arranged by their parents, come out to Canada to get away from extremely conservative and patriarchal settings while the ones left behind live under a staunch code of dressing without the ability to truly enjoy themselves and the world they are living in.
On the flip side, I have come across intelligent, smart, ambitious, and sagacious, not to mention confident and beautiful women who believe in themselves and have utmost faith in their country despite all the crime that is committed against women there.
Pakistani women are entering all kinds of fields may it be journalism, politics or filmmaking.
They are curious and eager to bring a change into their country through education and reform. It is inspiring to meet and be in the company of these visionaries, my future wife included, who is charitable and generous toward her community in the most humbling of ways.
What I have learnt from this experience is that judgement cannot be passed on a country, religion, culture or group of people through biased exposure to news reports or because of the actions of a select few.
To attain the bigger picture you have to immerse yourself into their culture, like I have, and then form conclusions.
As far as I am concerned, I have no doubt that when I do visit Pakistan, which will be soon, I will go with an open mind sans fear.
I know I will be welcomed in the most hospitable fashion and I cannot wait to see the beautiful country with my own eyes rather than through documentaries, films, photographs and literature.
Follow Gordan on Twitter @GordanSumanski
COMMENTS (178)
abba djan
( father dear). Once, after having enjoyed a meal in the presence of his children, we walked to another room to have a smoke. I then told him that I had really been sent to Pakistan by the catholic church, to convert him. His answer has made a life long impression on me : "When you keep the faith of your father, and I keep the faith of mine, our fathers will be happy in heaven". From that moment my respect for my own roots has grown, let alone respect for his roots. Chance made one of us being born in the west (becoming a christian) and the other being born in the east (becoming a muslim). When my teacher died, I lost a father figure. He and his extended family had given me a home in Pakistan. At that time we still felt free to be different , and still be appreciated. Now things have changed. Last February I went back to Pakistan after nearly 50 years of living in The Netherlands. Before dieing, I wanted to take leave properly of the family which had been so important in my life as a young man in my twenties. Many people disavised me of going: too dangerous they said. I took my chances and was received by the family of my Urdu teacher very warmly. I found them in karachi.It was like coming home. We all had grown older, but the original feeling of being at home was still there. The most striking difference to me was that the country is no longer as free as it formerly was. Politically Pakistanis are experiencing great difficulties, let alone religiously. Both politics and religion have made Pakistan a country in which a Westerner wil not feel free. My host in Karachi have as much as possible tried to protect me. They never let me go out alone in the streets: too dangerous. I stayed with them or with their friends. The fact that the west is fighting a war in Afghanistan does not bring a feeling of freedom to Westerners in Pakistan. The west is not very tolerant of the muslim religion and this is noticable in alle papers, periodicals and behavour. I would say: if you want to marry your Pakistani lady friend, do so by all means and enopy you life together. Hovewever: do stay in Canada. There you both can be free. If you want to emigrate to Pakistan do prepare yourself for a life in prison. You will loose all the feelings of freedom you now have in Canada. Unless of course you would like to convert to the Islam. Then you will have some chance of a life of your own. Do prepare yourself however for the fact that the common Pakistanis in the street will consider you as a westerner and in general at this moment in time not be friendly towards you. Herman