A brother’s letter: I will never forget the last day you went to school...

Shaheer writes to his deceased brother, Arham, who was killed in the Peshawar school attack on Dec 16

PESHAWAR: To my dear brother Arham,

My Arham, that day, before you left for school, I remember seeing a vibrant smile on your face. It was as if you were excited for the day to come.

I miss that smile now.

I think about how energetic and cheerful you were that day. I still remember how, in the car, you kept going on and on about playing video games with Zawar and kept boring me with your chatter. I would give anything to hear you speak now. When Abbu dropped you to school, I remember how you rushed to pick up your bag and ran to class. You were so full of energy.

You were always so nice to everyone around you. I keep thinking of how you remembered all of our birthdays and prepared special gifts for us days before they were due. You loved us all equally.

Ammi says the night before that day, you came downstairs just to bid all of us a goodnight.

I remember how you loved playing war games, like the Call of Duty, Crysis and Battlefield. You wanted me to play Crysis because you believed it was ‘action packed’ – but I never played it.

I am going to play it now. I’ll play it again and again, little brother.

This morning I went to your class. It was empty. There were school bags placed on empty seats and each bag had a page with the name of the owner written on it. Your teacher cried when she showed me your seat. She said that you sat in front of her, in the front row of the class.

She really loved you, Arham. I could tell from the look on her face and from her tear-drenched eyes that she really loved you. Everybody loved you, Arham. Everybody loved you because you loved everybody too.

I heard Madam Qazi showed profuse bravery and saved the children, Arham. You know, she had asked me to do a presentation on career options for intermediate students. She had asked me twice but I didn’t do it. Why was I being so lazy? Why couldn’t I have just done this small task for her? I wish I had.

While I was passing by the administration area of our school with Ammi, I could smell a certain fragrance in the air. Ammi could smell it too! The scent was something that I had never smelt before. I could tell that it was not an ordinary, earthly smell, but I couldn’t find where it was coming from.

I know you are happy up there with Allah (SWT). I always pray after Isha prayer and ask Him to let you talk to me in my dreams. Even if it is just once. At least once. You should talk to me. Abbu and Ammi need it. I need it. We know you are okay, but I just want to hear you say it.

Take care of your friends there. I can imagine how festive the air around Jannat must be right now, I am sure you lit up the sky with your presence. Allah (SWT) must be so happy that such innocent and brave souls are now near Him.

Take care of yourself, Arham. I miss you.

And please talk to me in my dreams just once. Please. Just once. At least try.

Your bhai always,

Shaheer

PS: The game that you were downloading before you left for school is downloaded now.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 22^nd, 2014.