5 Annoying things my daughter-in-law does

On the two days that she is home, my daughter-in-law will lock herself in her room and sleep for hours.


December 12, 2012

1. Her sleeping habits

On the two days that she is home, my daughter-in-law (DIL) will lock herself in her room — with my grandson — and sleep for hours. She won’t come out till midday. This is neither a dorm nor a hotel room, young lady!

2. The takeover

It took me years, maybe decades, to get the house to look a certain way. It’s only been one year since DIL moved in but she has already rearranged the entire house and brought in new furniture. And I can’t stand the new look! Why do we need uncomfortable sofas, cushions everywhere, and lamps that barely give any light?

3. The mess

I refrain from walking into her room without asking, but even if I pass by it in the morning, I can see clothes thrown around everywhere, every cupboard flung open and my son’s socks strewn in the room like confetti.

4. The hermit

She never wants to visit my relatives which means my son and grandson can’t visit them either. She’s always either sick or busy at work. I love how that’s never ever the case when it comes to her own family’s lunches and parties.

5. The fake charisma

We’ve had the same driver, cook and maid for years, but ever since she moved in, they are constantly at her beck and call. So whenever I need the car, the driver has gone to take mem sahab for shopping, when I need some help in the kitchen, cook’s busy preparing mem sahab a late breakfast and when I need the maid for something, she’s cleaning up her messy room.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, December 9th, 2012.

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COMMENTS (38)

Insaan | 11 years ago | Reply

@Cynical: "This is such a shallow piece and is making me angry for more than one reason."

I am sure this thing did not make 99% of the readers angry. You decided to become angry subconsciously.

Nobody | 11 years ago | Reply

@Anisa (and anyone who's interested on this blog):

I'm sorry but I totally disagree with most of what you said. BUT, that could be because the joint family system doesn't really exist here in the states. As it shouldn't. It's an outdated system and has proven to do more harm than good. I understand living together out of necessity as not everyone has loads of money to spare, but other than that I see no reason on earth to live with the guy's parents OR the girl's parents. You're starting your own life as adults, cut the cord. We can not stay in mommy & daddy's laps forever.

As far as what the girls should and shouldn't do in her in laws home, I have to disagree again. As you said, DIL is not the MIL's actual daughter and yes, if she wants her to live in her house with dear baby beta than MIL does need to make more effort to embrace the girl as it's not the girl's house (and honestly, in most cases it never becomes her house).

Whenever I do find someone and get married, his family will be his responsibility first as MINE will be my responsibility first (both will be second to his responsibility to me and mine to him of course). The system in place right now in Pakistan swings HEAVILY in the favor of a guy and his family and the only way to change that is stop living with his parents. Girls need to put their foot down regarding this issue. His parents will not become mine and my parents will always be more important than his parents to be very honest. It sounds frank, but it's reality. Same applies to him; I do not expect him to embrace my parents as more important than his own. My parents didn't raise him. The best thing a couple can do is never interfere with what each does for his/her own parent. As far as my parents not interfering or being aware of my secret's with my husband, very true. Husband and wife should never tell a third person their business and neither set of parents should ask. Problem with what you said is it only applies to the girl; what are your demands for a guy and his family? Shouldn't a guy not tell his mummy jaan his business? Yet so many do and that obviously creates problem as is natural. Third person interference is always bad and no matter how many people seem to have tried, joint family system = problems. Shouldn't the guy and his family make much bigger adjustments? If you want the girl to shift to your house than it's only natural, you should make most of the adjustments. Otherwise tell beta jaan to move out with his wife. Best resolution: instead of laying down archaic one sided rules for girls and what they should and shouldn't do, how about either get rid of the system altogether or expect the guy to make adjustment too...?

I am not a loaf of bread and I will not be "given away" to anyone. I am my own person with my own identity and once I decide to marry, I will merge parts of my life with another human as he will with me, and we begin a life together as adults; I will not stop my life, drop everything and be "given away" (who even says that anymore???) to live in someone else's house with their wants, demands and rules, and make all the adjustments myself while others continue as normal. This should be rather simple and uncomplicated. I have the right to have my own house where my future partner and I will rule equally under no one else. Cheers.

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