10 things I hate about ET blogs

Published: December 4, 2011

The minute you point out the fallacies in their logic, you get labelled.

1.    They think they’re actually making a significant difference in the world. No, they are not.  Hugh Hefner thinks he’s advocating for women’s rights. If he is, then I’m signing up for women’s rights as well. So no, your 300-word post on African kids makes no difference to them.

2.    Your personal problems are not society’s problem. For a country that is so mired in problems, you would think that the last blog you’d expect is about an “Anonymous Lesbian”, who can’t come out in society. Seriously, how many conversations do you have where your sexual preference really needs to be brought out in the open?

Person 1: Wanna get some food?

Person 2: Nah, I’m a lesbian.

3.   Taking photos of poor people won’t make them any less poor. And your “Their eyes tell an untold story” descriptions won’t help them either.

4.    The inability to take criticism. The minute you point out the fallacies in their logic, you get labelled “PTI Troll”, “Mullah Supporter” or “Fascist” and your opinion is officially invalid.

5.    Blogging doesn’t require skill. Thing is, anyone can have a blog — it’s easier than making a Facebook account. Just go to WordPress.

6.    They find it perfectly acceptable to make stuff up to support their moral arguments. How they find making stuff up moral I do not know.

7.    If you have to write “This blog post is satirical in nature” at the end of your post to tell people you’re trying to be funny, well, then you’re really not funny.

8.    Grammar. I know you’re not getting paid to write or anything but if you want to put forward an argument or a case it would really help your cause if you knew the difference between ‘then’ and ‘than’ or more commonly ‘she’ or ‘he’.

9.    They confuse themselves with journalists and writers. You’re not either, so keep your Paul Coelho-inspired philosophies to yourself. Thank you.

10.   Copy-pasting is not blogging. Also, have you heard of such a thing as giving people credit? If you run a photo blog and you steal half the pictures from someone’s Flickr account, that does not make you a blogger it just makes you a moron with no manners.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, December 4th, 2011.

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Reader Comments (76)

  • Uncle J
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:21PM

    Hahahahahhaha!! This was ruddy brilliant! Keep it up! :D

    Recommend

  • H Javed
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:41PM

    If you hate them so much, i have three words for you: don’t read them

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  • DeliveryBoy
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:41PM

    brilliant.

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  • Talib Abbas
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:44PM

    Some points sir,

    Disagreed

    1.about making world a better place, i don’t how you take it but it might be, because spreading the word out is the first phase.

    2.Same as 1

    4.Criticism should be in a +ve manner, I see so many comments which are done just for enjoyment or to (neecha dikhane ke liye) sorry no english word coming to my mind for that

    Agreed

    10.copy pasting and not giving any credit to the original author or photographer.
    9.Yup they are not
    8.Grammer, yup they should re-check their work, plus I don’t mind posting anything in urdu, just as i did above (as i am still learning)

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  • Imran
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:44PM

    Wow. Great so see the newspapers liberal views by allowing you…

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  • Saba Khalid
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:47PM

    Loved it, finally something that cracked me up!Recommend

  • Writer
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:49PM

    I absolutely hate the lesbian/gay blogs, you want to come out and be proud, YET all of them do it anonymously. Defeats the purpose completely! Also, in a country where people dont have education, food, shelter, your sexual needs come last!

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  • The Reader
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:50PM

    So you are a PTI Troll. LOL :D

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  • Idealist
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:51PM

    I hate this blog too!

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  • SM
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:55PM

    This actually got published in the newspaper?! How is this any better than the ET blogs?
    And you really do not know the context of the phrase “PTI trolls”. It is directed at people who launch personal attacks at people who point out the tiniest bits of flaws in Imran Khan or his party without really providing a counter-argument. The phrase “Mullah Supporter” similarly, is directed at people who declare others heretics or infidels just because one happens to condemn a religious bigot abusing a child or supporting terrorists .Also, you only point out the name calling faced by the right wingers. How about leftists being labelled “Jews”, “Amriki agents” etc?
    I agree blogging doesn’t require skill (neither does getting published in Express Tribune apparently), and that is precisely the point. Anyone can share their opinions on whatever topic they want.
    Furthermore, the title of this so-called article does not go with the matter. It should be “10 things I hate about ET bloggers”.

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  • H Javed
    Dec 4, 2011 - 12:57PM

    And for your information, ET blogs spread awareness which MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Your article contains open homophobia which is looked down upon in the civilised world…Recommend

  • Dec 4, 2011 - 12:58PM

    A society is a composition of individuals, and the problems of an individual or a group (say, lesbians) may reflect the successes and failures of the society as a whole. In that regard, a blog about a personal issue holds a mirror to the society and allows an opportunity for solemn introspection.

    Blogs don’t demand a lot of writing skill, Mr. Hammad, but condescending and asinine lists such as these require even less of it.

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 1:00PM

    Cold Blooded!! , that’s Awsom :)

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  • Sarah
    Dec 4, 2011 - 1:05PM

    THANK YOU for point no. 4!

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  • Hammad Ali
    Dec 4, 2011 - 1:26PM

    Man, you guys hate me. Don’t you. :(

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  • Warraich
    Dec 4, 2011 - 1:29PM

    Ah.. feels relaxed.. at-least someone has vented the the thoughts that many of us have had after reading the blogs of pseudo intellectuals who think talking of issues relevant to an alien societies in Pakistan can make them the fore runner in the band wagon modernization and enlightenment…. My humbles regards for Mr Hammad Ali

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 1:35PM

    The best 10 things I hate blog thus far! This world still has some honest people in it – phew!

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  • Dictator
    Dec 4, 2011 - 1:39PM

    What a crap piece of article,ET should refrain from publishing the articles they don’t even know that public don’t care of foolish ideas and thinking’sRecommend

  • Dec 4, 2011 - 1:41PM

    A blog post to end all blog posts? Think again. But at least it talked about something.

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  • Love ET BLOGS
    Dec 4, 2011 - 1:51PM

    Dear Hammad,

    You are wrong on so many points – I don’t know where to being:

    Just because you cannot see where these blogs are making a difference doesn’t mean it isn’t.
    Just because you read the popular blogs doesn’t mean there aren’t blogs there on niche items.
    Your bashing of LGBT is uncalled for and frankly displays a profound lack of sensitivity for what is actually a real issue (whether you give a crap about it or not).
    Blogging does require skill, and anyone who says different either does not run a succesful blog OR has never tried.
    “They make stuff up” – excuse me? How did ET allow this through? That is a serious accusation that should either be investigated OR should not be printed.
    Same goes for copy-pasting and photo blogs stealing — alsoo WHAT photo blogs on ET??!?!?!

    6.

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  • Hammad Ali
    Dec 4, 2011 - 1:55PM

    ^Erm I was told to write about 10 things I hate about blogs not ET blogs. Take up your issue with the editors.

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  • abc
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:01PM

    No Hammad. ET seriously needs to up their quality of blogs and headlines and general content. Which is the number one reason why I can’t take this newspaper seriously. Most of the writers are recent grads from liberal schools with no journalistic experience or ethics.

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  • Uzma
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:05PM

    Hammad Ali,

    If you think putting up pictures of poor or hungry children will not make them any less poor, then perhaps you should be telling all the newspapers and magazines of the world, including Times, Newsweek, even Reader’s Digest to just stop writing and posting pictures about all the bad stuff in this world, because at the end of the day it’s not going to make a difference in their lives is it? I mean the fact that you don’t give a crap just says it all doesn’t it? And you complain about how ET blog writers can’t take criticism, and the second someone starts criticizing this pointless piece of yours, your only defense is “I was told to write about 10 things I hate about blogs not ET blogs. Take up your issues with the editors.”. Way to go.

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  • Zainab Ghani
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:26PM

    ET blogs suck and so does this stupid article. Please learn from Dawn and don’t hire Grammarian / Lecole type burger kids or even LUMS MBAS (as i have come to know) to write your stuff whether its blogs or proper articles. Hire proper trained people with degrees in mass communication. Yes they might not be so burger (which seems to be your only hiring criteria) but at least they are trained professionals. Just having good english does not mean that you can be a good writer

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  • Hammad Ali
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:29PM

    ^ What if I told you I wasn’t the real Hammad Ali? DHUN DHUN DHUN

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  • Hira-istan
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:30PM

    ET blogs = “Frustration Corner

    Tagline =”Send us your blogs and our reader/commenter will make you feel miserable

    Published Blog Footer =”Come on now die , Fast

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  • Umer
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:32PM

    Well said.

    One thing to be pointed out though: “9. They confuse themselves with journalists and writers. You’re not either, so keep your Paul Coelho-inspired philosophies to yourself. Thank you.”

    The name is ‘Paulo Coelho’.

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  • Mehvish Abubakar
    Dec 4, 2011 - 2:49PM

    HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Brilliant post, Hammad!!

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 2:57PM

    That person is a confirmed case of Imrano-phile an PTI Troll!

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  • AFRIDAY
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:10PM

    Hahahaha Hilarious! Thumbs up to you Hammad.

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 3:18PM

    Haha this is good.

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  • Ali Wazir
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:21PM

    lol Brilliant…

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 3:22PM

    Haha this was an amazing post. Well done Hammad Ali !

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 3:24PM

    First up, kudos to ET for putting this up.

    I’ve long wondered whether ET blogs are an elaborate performance art piece where Jay Haque checks to see how far he can venture into the realms of the absurd with the insular sort of posts that regularly prop up.

    But then again, there is a post like this, which speaks volumes for the self-reflexivity and open-mindedness of the editorial team.

    But as for Hammad, this post deserves a lap of honour in a top down convertible Suzuki Mehran while gangs of dancing hijras shower rose petals sprinkled with gold dust on Hammad who is hoisted by two pehelwans slathered in saandhay ka tel.

    If I started mentioning my favourite lines, I would end up copy-pasting the whole piece, but the brutal honesty and deliberate puncturing of the considerable egos of those with limited talent stands out as the best part of this post.

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  • Nieztsche
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:26PM

    Hammad, hands down,
    ET is a fascist itself. And you’re like “William Wallace” who has a better perspective.

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 3:29PM

    LOL brilliant post! Loved it, especially since I always thought so too!

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  • Humza
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:31PM

    The tribune has disappointed by allowing such posts to be published.Recommend

  • Kaa
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:34PM

    Ahem!!

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  • Yumna Javed
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:41PM

    Hammad Ali you are a creative genius. Well done.

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  • Maaha.
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:43PM

    HAHAHAHA.
    Blood Brilliant i tell you. Great trolling. :)

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  • Forever_lonely
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:48PM

    Awesomeness!

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  • Reader
    Dec 4, 2011 - 3:59PM

    I think a countdown would have been better, but good article though

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 4:02PM

    Finally – someone has written something sensible on this website :D

    Kudos to the Hamster!Recommend

  • Dec 4, 2011 - 4:04PM

    Nice post although I don’t agree with all the points mentioned. I also share your opinion that majority of ET blogs are quite poorly written.Recommend

  • narayana murthy
    Dec 4, 2011 - 4:16PM

    POINT NO 11) Annoying Indians who comment.

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 4:22PM

    completely agreed with @waraich, abc, mehvish, karachikhatmal, zaianab, and forbidden fruit…

    for a long time i wish to understand the reason behind some of the blogposts on this site and their real purpose… Express english channel was forced to shutdown because of this same reason… one day this paper is going to be closed down as well because it is way too detached from the real people and real issues of the people of this country..i mean the 98 percent people and not the 2 percent burgers that this paper so keenly tries to promote …

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  • Umer
    Dec 4, 2011 - 4:35PM

    Excellent! This was very much needed. Although i always criticise the ET for publishing crap at times, ET does deserve credit this time for publishing this.Recommend

  • Dec 4, 2011 - 4:42PM

    abc,

    Blogging is about average people talking about their personal views and experiences. You don’t need some kind of a degree to do that. It’s para-journalism, not journalism per se.

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 5:08PM

    This was timely and well deserved. Hammad, you’ve written what a lot of us have been saying for the longest time; that the ET blogs, rather than being cutting edge or paradigm shifting, have only served to showcase the worst secular myopia of Karachi’s English speaking elite, without straying into outright bigotry.

    Just the two worst examples of the top of my head are “How a Land Cruiser Changed My Life” and “What’s the Big Deal With Benazir Bhutto“.

    *Shudder *

    It was shocking to see a serious newspaper feature such vacuous drivel on their blog page.

    Maybe it was meant to demonstrate the shallowness of the Karachi elite?
    ET blogs aren’t exactly Wikileaks for their capacity to demonstrate change, they sadly don`t even match Dawn blogs.

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  • Fahad
    Dec 4, 2011 - 5:25PM

    The only mildly amusing thing about this blog is the illustration it comes with

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 5:33PM

    http://www.whatshuge.com – i totally agree :) Awesome article

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  • SamadK
    Dec 4, 2011 - 5:51PM

    You’ve made me so proud! :’)

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 6:11PM

    Very well-written indeed.

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  • Yatsuhashi
    Dec 4, 2011 - 6:39PM

    The blog was epic Hammad.Sad to see all people whining about it. I guess their sense of humor died with their writing.Recommend

  • Dec 4, 2011 - 6:58PM

    The mere fact that you read the blogs & took time out to write this tirade is testament enough to blogs ‘making a difference’ and making people act. Food for thought.

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  • Dec 4, 2011 - 7:54PM

    i guess the blog editor needs to be informed and blamed abt this

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  • Rahima
    Dec 4, 2011 - 8:07PM

    Hamster, you’ve truly outdone yourself. And the hate comments are brilliant.
    Kudos man

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  • Umarisawesome
    Dec 4, 2011 - 8:13PM

    Is the youth no more into humor? You gotta give the guy props for the humor if not anything else

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  • Khan Danish
    Dec 4, 2011 - 8:58PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have NEVER commented on any blog here because it was really never worth the effort. So this here is my first ever, in appreciation of this! Keep it up Hamster!

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  • blogger
    Dec 4, 2011 - 9:54PM

    we bloggers are intellectuals, better than those who don’t write because they cant write…. you all are jealous people…

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  • Dec 5, 2011 - 12:02AM

    Atleast ET blogs are popular enough to be read n critisized. They deserve an applause for publishing this blog post.

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  • A fan
    Dec 5, 2011 - 12:34AM

    My favorite thing about the ET blogs is what you criticize in point number 2 ” Your personal problems are not society’s problem”.

    Never before had I read about real people’s stories. They were always told by “trained journalists” .
    I am glad I learned how Riaz learned how to speak English.
    How a young man found the courage to come out of the closet because of a Mufti saab.
    How a Landcruiser taught a Kinnaird student about social dynamics.

    You have the right to hate these blogs – but your argument that these people do not have the right to tell their stories because their stories are not “important” enough is flawed. ET bloggers include regular Pakistani people the plebeians as you may call them – the milieu- senior citizens, high school students, film buffs, doctors, stay at home moms – I’ve learned more about this country just by reading them.

    I can’t imagine anything more important than that.

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  • Zeeshan
    Dec 5, 2011 - 1:27AM

    You mean Paulo Coelho, right?

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  • 1122
    Dec 5, 2011 - 7:22AM

    really nice…i like your way of seeing things…we actually need your glasses to see that picture……i’m gonna adjust your glassess according to need and time on my eyes. thanks again.

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  • Mohammad Assad
    Dec 5, 2011 - 8:14AM

    Zabardast Hammad Bro!

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  • waqas
    Dec 5, 2011 - 9:06AM

    A perfect starter for the morning… Hahahaha… Amazing

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  • Nava
    Dec 5, 2011 - 12:00PM

    why wud u write something that u hate…..irony

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  • Haider Abbasi
    Dec 5, 2011 - 12:10PM

    Hammad Ali is my hero. The world needs a Hammad Ali. (Although I still think he should declare his assets just to satisfy Imran Khan)

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  • Stoner
    Dec 5, 2011 - 12:50PM

    You can write another post on the types of people commenting/ types of comments on the ET blogs.

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  • Rida Shariq
    Dec 5, 2011 - 3:20PM

    Hahah Hammad..is this what you were upto in those few days you took off for yourself? Funny stuff! I agree with most of the points

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  • s.khan
    Dec 5, 2011 - 4:31PM

    hahahahha its hilarious….for the first time ET blog made sense to me.
    great job!

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  • A.Khan
    Dec 5, 2011 - 5:26PM

    Your 300-word post on ET blogs makes no difference to bloggers.

    For a country that is so mired in problems, you would think that the last blog you’d expect is about an “10 things I hate about ET blogs”.

    The inability to take criticism. The minute you point out the fallacies in their logic, you get labelled “Kafir”, “American/Indian/Isreali Agent” or “Liberal Fascist” and your opinion is officially invalid.

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  • Mahwish
    Dec 9, 2011 - 2:36PM

    Finally I found and read it. Hammad is a magician. Sarcasm is his thing. You should have mentioned the thousands of blog that discussed HRK’s Birkin limited edition bag. Brilliant boy!

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  • Gulalai
    Dec 25, 2011 - 4:04PM

    :D hahaha funny!

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  • Jan 10, 2012 - 10:58AM

    ONE thing I hate about titles drawing references to the movie 10 Things I Hate About You: effing popular culture…

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