10 things I hate about bangs

Published: May 29, 2011

Bangs look hot from the point you get them cut to the exact second you leave the salon.

1.   Their excruciatingly short shelf life. Bangs look hot from the point you get them cut to the exact second you leave the salon. At any time after that ­— they look absolutely hideous!

 

2.    How they look good on everyone except you. Hollywood celebrities, songstresses, your best friend, your arch nemesis, your daughter, my sheep dog. True story!

 

3.    As much as your hairdresser will convince you that they will immediately make you look as mysterious and spy-like like as Angelina Jolie in Salt, they’ll only make you look as crazy as Jolie in Girl Interrupted. Why should I look crazy and not even get an Academy Award to make up for it?

 

4.    How the hairdresser takes ages to cut bangs. One snip and you should be done right? No no, he’ll get his special super snippy scissors out, wear his spectacles, peer at you deeply for an entire hour and then start the cutting ritual.

 

5.    The pain and length of time it takes to grow them out. If I hadn’t had three horrific bang disasters, I could’ve adopted a baby, seen him grow to an adult and gotten him married off to my niece.

 

6.    The accessories investment. If I had a penny for every barrette, hair band or clip I bought to hide my bangs, I would be able to buy Jennifer’s Aniston hair.

 

7.    All the stupid hairstyles you have to invent to hide them. I have YouTubed thousands of how-to videos to hide bangs. If there are thousands of women hiding their bangs, why do we bother cutting them in the first place? Don’t we ever learn from our mistakes?

 

8.    Bangs are meant to make you look young and hip. Then why do I look like an ’80s Barbie doll? Even men hate women with bangs!

 

9.    How they never fall perfectly on anyone without help from all the necessary instruments. If you leave the bangs as is, they go ballistic, if you blow-dry them, they become too rounded, if you straighten them they become too flat and limp, if you curl them you look like Betty Boop.

 

10.    When you think the fashion obsession with bangs is gone, the updated version comes in to haunt you. Side bangs, the seventies fringe, blunt-cut bangs, angled bangs, triangular bangs, curly bangs, shaggy bangs, do they ever leave us women alone? Poor Justin Bieber, they’ve even caught up with him!

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, May 29th, 2011.

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Reader Comments (22)

  • ahmed
    May 29, 2011 - 4:18PM

    dilemmas of the rich Recommend

  • NIda Haque
    May 29, 2011 - 4:28PM

    You need a new hair dresser :P And love the way they look on you, who cares what’s ‘in’Recommend

  • maria
    May 29, 2011 - 4:30PM

    well bangs arents seriously for u ma dear………i m getting sum today though ;))Recommend

  • waqar
    May 29, 2011 - 5:06PM

    jennifer’s aniston hair LOL at typoRecommend

  • Neeyas
    May 29, 2011 - 5:16PM

    hahahahaha :) Angelina Jolie’a bangs :) hahahaRecommend

  • Majid
    May 29, 2011 - 5:23PM

    No body looks more beautiful in bangs than Anne Hathaway. Peace.Recommend

  • InAm
    May 29, 2011 - 5:23PM

    Ma’m I am sorry But it needs extra care to be look good in bangs, But its just awesome even if you have 10 other points to hate it :)Recommend

  • kiran
    May 29, 2011 - 6:04PM

    Just because you can’t carry bangs doesn’t mean they suck. I’ve been getting them cut since 2005 and I m more than satisfied. Recommend

  • ms. opinionated
    May 29, 2011 - 6:11PM

    not forgetting how one can not even look in to your eyes/ or make eye contact ! its like staring at half eyes, a nose, and a mouth! Recommend

  • May 29, 2011 - 7:27PM

    I did the same BANG mistake three months ago (went through all the ten points). and you forgot to mention how they constantly dig in your eyes and blur ur visionRecommend

  • May 29, 2011 - 9:36PM

    I had a lot of faltoo time to waste reading 10 things about bangs and then actually structuring a comment. But… Well……

    You have too much time to waste.
    Get a new haircut so that you stop complaining and cribbing and writing stupid blogs.
    Change your hairdresser.
    Recommend

  • dr.mystic
    May 29, 2011 - 11:35PM

    hilarious!!!and so true!Recommend

  • Saman
    May 29, 2011 - 11:58PM

    Hahahaha.. So true especially point 9. You can’t live with em yet you can’t live without em.
    Another Point.. How your elders hate bangs on you because they hide your face/eye. One day when my hair were all tied up including the bangs my grandfather commented: “I was wondering why you look pretty today, then I realized that today I can see your face after a long time, otherwise half of your face is covered with whatever you call that ‘style”.Recommend

  • amin
    May 30, 2011 - 1:45AM

    They DON’T look good and its great to see that women are beginning to realize that.
    Well written article. I know several women who could relate to each and every word of it!Recommend

  • shockandawe
    May 30, 2011 - 5:01AM

    Wow. Did we Really run out of things to blog about?Recommend

  • Pakistani Canadian
    May 30, 2011 - 9:24AM

    I love bangs on women!Recommend

  • Hira
    May 30, 2011 - 1:37PM

    Guys really dont like bangs????????????????????????Recommend

  • Banga Boy
    May 30, 2011 - 11:52PM

    Hira, Guys like anything that is styled nicely and that includes Bangs too…Recommend

  • Adam SiNAN
    Jun 3, 2011 - 12:02AM

    What the hell!…I thought we inherited our English from Britain not the states. Fringe please not Bangs!!Recommend

  • asma
    Jun 6, 2011 - 11:28AM

    i hate bangs for their inconvinience to carry……looking great is all about style with comfort.Recommend

  • heyyyy
    Jun 13, 2011 - 5:02AM

    i would fornicate with betty boop. just saying.Recommend

  • anum
    Jun 21, 2011 - 4:46PM

    errr.. bangs are ONLY for those who can carry them.. i guess you dont fall in that category. Recommend

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