Malala pays her taxes

There was no plan to have Taliban shoot her so that she could become famous, win prizes, be honoured around the world

A couple of inches to the left and her brains would have gone out the back of her head — and Malala Yousufzai would have been remembered with cloying sentimentality on her death anniversary and then gradually forgotten. Just another itch the Taliban needed to scratch. But Malala did not die and she and her family, as well as the two girls also wounded in the back of a school van on October 9, 2012, came under the wing of the Law of Unintended Consequences.

There was no plan to have the Taliban shoot her so that she could become famous, win prizes, be honoured around the world. No plan to wind up living in Birmingham, England, and no plan to have all this misfortune just so that she could write a book that turned out to be an international bestseller — and earn royalties for many years to come.

There was no plan for the family to be relocated and housed in accommodation that was luxurious beyond their wildest dreams, no plan that she and her family would live with discreet armed security into an indeterminate future because the Taliban — or simply those that hate despise and vilify her — are going to take a crack at her again if they get the chance. No plan at all. It was not some stage drama, no conspiracy, a plot hatched by the CIA/MOSSAD/MI5 or the KGB (…yes I know the KGB no longer exists but you get the point) — it was just the Law of Unintended Consequences.

Here we are today and Malala Yousufzai, now 18 and busy studying for her ‘A’ levels — she is two years behind chronologically in the UK education system — and not in the headlines as much as she used to be. Of necessity she lives a quiet life when not visiting foreign parts, and it may be reasonably opined that she will eventually get to a university somewhere (not all are keen to have her, as she presents a considerable challenge by virtue of her fame and the off-the-scale risk-assessment she will generate) to study something like politics or humanities. Beyond that nobody knows, and beyond her own broad comments on her future we have no insight.

But somebody has to put bread on the table of the Yousufzai family and yes it’s that book again. I generally approach Malala stories in the Pakistan press with a degree of caution. Not so much the stories themselves as the comments that in this interactive age get appended by readers. ‘Poisonous’ is a word that comes to mind. Not infrequently an outpouring of vitriol that falls short of an actual death threat but not by very much.

Thus it was that I was expecting the usual crop of hate at the end of the story that announced to the world that the company which had been set up to protect the rights of Malala and her family regarding her lifestory, has declared a pre-tax profit of 1.1 million pounds sterling. Furthermore, she and her family have 2.2 million pounds sterling in the bank and are due to pay 200,000 pounds to the UK taxman. In the grand scheme of things this is peanuts, loose change, but it is enough to engage the interest of journos that turn out human interest copy.

And surprise surprise the haters seemed to have dialed back a little. Not the unpleasant run of paranoia and conspiracy and jealousy unguarded and unchecked, but an almost grudging acceptance of Malala the earner, a young woman making a living albeit an unusual one, and profiting from the fruits of her labours. She makes fat fees on the international speaking circuit as well, another source of income unlikely to dry up any time soon. The family are not about to make it to The Rich List but they ain’t going to starve either.

Positive comparisons were drawn between taxpayer Malala Yousufzai and our own dear leaders who are to say the least economical with the verite when it comes to taxation. Perhaps Pakistan is gradually coming to terms with Malala Yousufzai, a young woman for whom the Law of Unintended Consequences may yet spring a few surprises. Tootle-pip!

Published in The Express Tribune, July 9^th, 2016.

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