Take a bow, Qandeel Baloch

Published: March 30, 2016
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Dear diary,

For long The Emperor of Hindu Hearts consciously desisted from naming and shaming.

Aqalmand key liye ishaara kaafi hota hai. However, exceptions need to be made at times. Especially when a spade ought to be called a spade. And first up is who else but Pakistan’s very own Qandeel Baloch. Yours truly had been bereft of the privilege of witnessing the damsel in distress’s antics till a scintillating ‘teaser’ was proliferated across social media. Managing to wrest the limelight from an India-Pakistan cricket match — and how — is no small feat. Miss Baloch, please take a bow.

Hindu extremists attack PIA office in New Delhi

Unapologetic, indomitable and vivacious. With her antics, QB has secured a place in the exhaustive list of Pakistan’s “other women.” Aur toh aur her disarming diction — replete with gems like — “public city” and “perposul.”

Just between you, me and the four walls though, these Pakistanis are such simpletons. All it takes is a tease to arouse their ghairat. Wonder where this godforsaken ghairat was while Bacha Khan languished in prison, 90,000 lion hearts laid down their arms in Dacca and its leading “scientist” had his hands full with trading state secrets for pots of greenbacks.

In other news, a certain soldier turned president turned patient turned exile turned messiah has bid adieu to Pakistan for good. God bless the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N). No point in kicking a dead horse. How hale and hearty does he look though, fine cigar in tow?

What a pathetic sight it is to witness the Pakistan Peoples Party staging nationwide, I mean, Sindh-wide, protests against Musharraf’s departure in a dismal attempt to revive its flagging fortunes. When in office, present a guard of honour.

Once out, cry foul. Weisay, just between you, me and the four walls, was not Zulfikar Ali Bhutto the protégé of a man famously remembered for musing that democracy did not flourish in warm climates? Kehte hein once bitten twice shy but him toh naa tabahi. Hoodwinked Mujibur Rahman, prevailed on Yahya Khan and voila. A vivisected Pakistan with Raja Dahir at the helm of affairs.

Artists throw weight behind Shafqat Amanat Ali

Separately, highlight of the fortnight: Shafqat Amanat Ali doing to the Pakistani national anthem at Eden Gardens what Indians do to English.

Yours truly,
Bal.

The article is a work of satire and fiction. 

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Reader Comments (13)

  • zeb
    Mar 30, 2016 - 2:47PM

    In support of Qandeel Balouch, “Freedom”Recommend

  • ali khan
    Mar 30, 2016 - 4:40PM

    not funny, really.Recommend

  • HonkyTonk Man
    Mar 30, 2016 - 5:50PM

    “The article is a work of satire and fiction.”

    I think this has to be the default notice on All articles published in tribune….Recommend

  • Hassaan
    Mar 30, 2016 - 5:51PM

    Tried to emulate Moni Mohsin’s style but like above comment ^, this isn’t funny actually.Recommend

  • Tyggar
    Mar 30, 2016 - 6:40PM

    Satire? Where?? I thought Satire was supposed to be funnyRecommend

  • Aamir - Toronto
    Mar 30, 2016 - 6:43PM

    @zeb…..”Freedom” in what sense ???Recommend

  • Farhan Khan
    Mar 30, 2016 - 7:30PM

    @zeb: keep dreamingRecommend

  • Acorn Guts
    Mar 30, 2016 - 8:29PM

    Kinda sad that you had to put that disclaimer at the end .. but don’t blame you as satire often ends up arousing ‘ghairat’ of my fellow brethren when all you wanted was a laugh.

    Anyway, well written.Recommend

  • Truth
    Mar 30, 2016 - 8:43PM

    A big embarrassment that’s all she is for pakRecommend

  • [email protected]
    Mar 30, 2016 - 8:46PM

    I imagine this writer thinks a little too much of himself and his smug satire. It’s not all that funny and the technique doesn’t really work either. Find something else to do. #justsayingRecommend

  • Assad
    Apr 3, 2016 - 2:07AM

    This piece is derogatory and disrespectful. Perhaps I should not fault Mr Saad Saud for taking liberties and poking fun at things like the 1971 war because he was probably born decades later. As such he would have no clue about the blood and sacrifices of these “Lion hearts” that he cheaply denigrates without understanding they waged a campaign in East Pakistan against overwhelming odds (like being outnumbered 1:4 on the land, and 1:3 in the air and on the high seas). However its the callous manner in which he tries to poke fun not realizing that there are countless families here who have lost loved ones in that conflict because they made the ultimate sacrifice so a certain Saad Saud could express himself 40 years on. I have lost friends, yet others lost fathers, brothers and sons (all Lion hearts) and then I see this atrocious insult. May you live among the Lion hearts to realize that these boys that you poke fun at were a breed apart and one should have a bit more deference toward them.Recommend

  • Saud Saad
    Jul 16, 2016 - 1:54PM

    @assad: “May you live among the Lion hearts to realize that these boys that you poke fun at were a breed apart…”

    I completely and wholeheartedly agree there sir.

    For instance, throwing toddlers in air and catching them on bayonets has happened maybe only twice in all of human history…in Transylvania by Marquis deSade and in 1979 by lion hearts.

    So yes, they are a breed apart indeed.Recommend

  • Jul 17, 2016 - 2:44AM

    Niri bakwas,
    Clear Hatred,
    but you and many like you could not be obligated because you are in a great country and flexible democracy I mean only yours, google pakistan (at least google correctly and not just for writing rubbish). if you knew anything to write, you would have come up with something productive other than ranting.
    Litterally sorry to read but i had to check how much junk someone can produce.
    Recommend

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