I am much gratified, and grateful to the Almighty that He has given our leaders the wisdom to ensure that the last government completes its tenure despite Herculean efforts by the duo of Shiekh Rashid aka Sheeda Tulli and Imran Khan, now (surprise!) partners in politics, sharing votes and seats and so on.

If Imran railed for the immediate dismissal of the whole blessed shoot: presidency, parliament and all for being the outcome of the NRO (about which I have written reams even naming those who today sit in positions of unquestioned authority who would not have been where they are if not for the NRO!); Master Tulli kept warning us of the “Biggal” (bugle, in English) that was about to blow from the Rawalpindi side of things.

As luck and foolishness and ineptness would have it, our brass-hats had their hands full with the antics of the demons of their own making: the jihadis who were/are going about wreaking havoc in the country; and the Osama Bin Ladens who kept getting shot/caught/rendered, in/from, their not-so-well-hidden lairs.

More than all else, and even after the PPP went back on its many promises to restore the superior judiciary, thus embarrassing now prime minister-elect Nawaz Sharif repeatedly, the astute politician and good man that he is, he stood firmly against all advice to make moves towards destabilising the federal government, even after the success of the Long March that restored the superior judiciary.

Many were the times that among 30 or 40 journos and columnists, mine was the only voice imploring, even begging Mr Sharif not to listen to those wanting confrontation because if that government did not complete its term, neither would the next, and so on and on we would go as heretofore, spiralling ever further into the political abyss cheered on by an ecstatic Deep State and its toadies, the Paknationalist types.

“If this government is as bad as these people are suggesting,” I said, “Let the voters throw it out, but let there be a start where one elected government hands over to another without the jackboot!” Well, thank heavens a tradition has been started at least, and after elections, which were largely fair, new governments are set to take over in the provinces and at the centre. May they, too, complete their tenures so that they have enough time to implement their manifestoes and show the people that they are deserving of their votes the next time around, too.

I must also felicitate Mr Nawaz Sharif for visiting Mr Imran Khan in hospital to let bygones be bygones and for saying that it was the PTI’s perfect right to form a government in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa since it was the majority party in the province. I am not surprised, though, that Mr Khan’s trolls on the social media, surely overseen by his handlers, gave more importance to Mr Khan’s acquiescing to meet Mr Sharif than the latter’s visiting Mr Khan. I ask you.

This arrogance, coupled with their extreme rudeness and crassness: abusing the PTI’s detractors and their families (some imagined) in the vilest language, only leads me to believe that these young folk are completely foreign to this country’s social mores and traditions. In our way of life, even enemies are treated as honoured guests once under our roof: you don’t congratulate yourself for allowing him in.

In any event, and as we well know, it was always Imran Khan who aimed abuse at Mr Sharif , who did not even answer any of it, except to say he was not willing to debate anything at all with a rude and uncivilised person. It is high time that the PTI and its trolls, most of all its Kaptaan, learnt that abusing other people only turns them against you and makes you look like an ill-bred Yahoo. He must know, too, that in a cult-like situation, it is the leader who most leads his flock astray.

This is important for the PTI because it has proved that it is not an insignificant player in Pakistan’s politics. Getting enough seats to make a (hopefully) stable government in the important province of K-P, and 30-odd seats competing with the PPP in the National Assembly, is no mean feat. It should, therefore, grow up fast, eschew self-indulgent behaviour and do well enough in government to become a credible force in the 2018 elections.

And now, appreciation for President Asif Ali Zardari for soldiering on in the presidency despite the slings and arrows aimed at him from all sides. He needs to be appreciated greatly for relinquishing those powers arrogated to themselves by dictators by which they could dismiss elected governments at the drop of a hat and for devolving many powers to the provinces so that they can better run their affairs themselves.

It is great to see, too, that the prime minister-elect and the president had a pleasant meeting on the sidelines of the luncheon hosted by the president for the Chinese premier. And to see that Nawaz Sharif still has regard for the Charter of Democracy signed between him and the late and much-lamented Benazir Bhutto. Here’s hoping that not only these two political parties, but others, including the PTI, work together for the good of this, our country.

A report in this newspaper of record of April 3, 2013 states: “The country’s top antitrust watchdog has slapped a maximum collective penalty of Rs8.6 billion on Fauji Fertilizer and Engro Fertilizers — the two largest urea manufacturers in the country — after both entities were found involved in the ‘excessive’ pricing of urea.

“‘Given the nature of [the] crime, the CCP has decided to impose the maximum penalty of 10 per cent of the turnover on each company for unreasonable, unjustified and unfair increase in prices of urea in 2010,’ the CCP chairperson said both companies had raised the price of urea from Rs850 per 50kg bag to Rs1,580 in 2010 — an 86 per cent increase — without proper justification.

“The bench felt restrained [in] that it could not impose a fine of more than 10 per cent of turnover’, she added.”

Er, since Asad Umar, another  “leader” of the PTI was head of Engro then, would he care to comment please?

Published in The Express Tribune, May 24^th, 2013.

Ever since Imran Khan gave his political quest the name “Tsunami” I have pleaded with the PTI to please change the name to, say, “clean sweep” or “landslide victory” or whatever, for tsunamis are hugely destructive storms that can devastate whole towns and cities, even countries, and kill hundreds of thousands of people, animals, trees: whichever and whatever comes in their path.

As it happened, while it did not arrive anywhere else, a weakish rainstorm did hit Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa (K-P), where the PTI is in a position to form a government with the help of allies. While one congratulates the party for doing well in the elections, one has to castigate Maulana Fazlur Rehman for trying to subvert the PTI’s mandate. Even if he tries any argy bargy, the governor must pre-empt it by immediately asking the majority party to form a government within the stipulated period.

Interim reports from Peshawar are not heartening however: the Jamaat-e-Islami (JI) has reportedly demanded the senior minister and education portfolios as its two pounds of flesh and the PTI has acquiesced. This is hardly “change” nor is it a signal that K-P will soon see the beginnings of Naya Pakistan. Education has long been the JI’s favourite love: witness the absolute rule of the IJT in the major educational institutions since the dark years of the obscurantist tyrant Ziaul Haq.

Indeed, way back in the early 1960 two activists and young enforcers of the IJT were well known for introducing knives and pistols (some said sten-guns too) onto Lahore’s campuses for the very first time: there were mercifully no Kalashnikovs then. I know, for I was in Forman Christian College then, and first saw an IJT activist lift his shirt and show a revolver tucked in his shalwar waistband.

IK also says he wants a uniform system of education all across the country: well, if the JI is going to be its architect, starting in already traditional and conservative K-P, God help future generations of Pakistani children.

Which brings me to the elections and the PTI’s allegations of rigging. Sadly, there are as many differing allegations/demands as there are spokesmen/women of the PTI. Hamid Khan says they want a recount on four seats; Ahsan Rashid says elections on all seats in Punjab are suspect; Ijaz Chaudhry says results of 15 NA and five Punjab Assembly seats are suspect; Imran Khan himself has given a three-day ultimatum to the ECP to carry out recounting and forensic examination of “fingerprints” of the voters in four NA and two Punjab Assembly seats or else.

This is not nice, not nice at all. The PTI should realise that it has done very well in the elections indeed, considering that it collected unto its bosom lotas of every description, some veterans of many a political party, at least one of them of five. Of course, it must thank the PPP for providing it this opportunity by giving the country rank bad governance and scandals galore. Incidentally, it is to the PPP’s credit that it has accepted the results of the elections despite having its own reservations about rigging on some constituencies.

The PTI should pipe down, sagaciously proceed towards forming its government in K-P and doing well there, convince some among us that it may well be the party of the future. More than that, Imran Khan should immediately stop issuing threats of agitation, specially in view of the fact that he used very bad and abusive language against his political opponents during the campaign and thus taught a whole generation of young folk hate and rancour. Indeed, he must immediately apologise for his party trolls going to the unacceptable extent of calling Punjabis illiterate and uncouth for not voting for the PTI. This is disgraceful and shameful.

As to forensic examination of the votes including verifying the thumbprints (not “fingerprints” please, everyone!) of the voters from the Nadra database, Saad Rafiq has the right idea: let the votes cast in the four constituencies identified by Hamid Khan be forensically examined along with four constituencies to be identified by the PML-N. What could be fairer?

Be that as it may, one has to admire Nawaz Sharif for being unfailingly polite towards Imran Khan even during the campaign, even when the Great Khan was threatening to lagao phainti with the balla; and for having the bigness of heart to visit Khan at the hospital and asking him to let bygones be bygones.

Imran Khan should immediately, if not sooner, ask for and see Nawaz Sharif’s speeches at his rallies as he recovers in hospital, and learn some manners: learn how politicians and statesmen should address one another. He is no longer in his cricket team’s dressing room where he could kick people around (for good reason I am sure); he should realise that rude posturing got no decent politician anywhere at all.

Let me end with a fervent prayer to the Almighty to grant him a quick and complete recovery from his seemingly serious injuries. May he have a long and healthy life, please God.

Stop Press: This is what I wrote at the end of my piece in this space last week: “Former PM Yousuf Raza Gillani’s younger son Ali Haider has been kidnapped at a corner meeting in Multan. Shame on the ECP and the Punjab government for withdrawing the former PM’s guards.”

I am gratified that caretaker CM Najam Sethi himself responded by email to me in the following words: “The fact is that like all bigwigs, security guards were provided to Mr Gilani for 24-hour escort and protection and at no stage were they ‘taken back’.” I stand corrected. Thank you, Sethi, for responding with alacrity.

P.S. Prayers also for Ali Haider’s safe return …

Published in The Express Tribune, May 17^th, 2013.

First things first, and I have to say that despite the fact that I think Imran Khan will be an unmitigated disaster in a position of authority in the country, it was heart-stopping to see him fall from the forklift. I am gratified that he has not been hurt worse than he has been: may the Almighty look over him and grant him health soon.

Let me here and now say to those who are seeing a conspiracy in this to get him the people’s sympathy that they are talking out of their (because this is a family paper I shall hold myself back) respective hats! Just see how he fell, dammit, head first, and only because the platform of the forklift tilted. Poppycock!

Which brings me immediately to the reasons of Imran’s fall: first off because too many people were standing on the forklift made worse by a fifth person who jumped on at the last moment as the forklift began its ascent, and second because forklifts are designed to lift inert objects: not live, fidgeting human beings who shift weight upon it from one side to another. Might one ask why a simple bamboo ladder could not have been provided instead of this silly forklift?

On another tack, I was taken aback, nay saddened by the headlines in our main English newspapers the day after, for on the day that Imran fell, upwards of 20 people were killed in Fata in the ongoing bloodbath unleashed by the murderous TTP: 12 JUI-F supporters in Hangu; a PPP leader Haji Zahir Shah and four people travelling with him including a policeman in Lower Dir, and elsewhere, three others. The gravely injured are numbered at over 40. Please note immediately that bombing injuries are extremely grave: blown off limbs; blown-out eyes and ears and other body parts.

I was, therefore, sorry to see The News and Dawn carrying banner headlines: “Imran seriously injured … ” and “Imran injured” respectively, with news of the 20 (and over) murdered and 40 (and over) injured political workers relegated to second place. The only newspaper that got it right was this paper of record: “String of bomb attacks kills 20 in K-P” and, second, “As Imran falls, nation rises in sympathy”. Respect to the editors, not only for the appropriate placing but also the wording of the headlines.

And now, kudos to Nawaz Sharif for speaking so honestly and so courageously about Pakistan’s relations with India and for reiterating his long-held view that the Army is but a department of the government and should always follow the government’s orders. I was specially gratified to note that he particularly said that this country’s soil will not be allowed to be used for any aggression against its neighbours. Well done, I say, for him to have said what he did in this fast lurching-to-the-mad-right country where mindless bigots like the Paknationalists and PakistanKaKhudaHafiz types determine the country’s “nationalistic and patriotic” agenda.

It takes gumption for a political leader to say so close to the elections that a complete inquiry will be held on Kargil and the debacle that unfolded as a result, and which brought the two countries almost to open war. Good on him because the Deep State will always fight back and attempt to keep a lid on the Box!

Incidentally, while one appreciates politicians’ calling off electioneering for one day after Imran Khan’s fall, might one ask why electioneering was not called off (even for a day) for the hundreds of political leaders and workers who have fallen to the Taliban’s bullets and bombs in the other provinces, principally K-P and Sindh since this campaign began? Fallen as in killed, gentlemen. Sad.

Also might one say stand on talking without conditions to the TTP is an unsound idea. You cannot speak to those who flout the authority and the writ of the State so openly and blatantly and murderously. Who cut off your soldiers heads with axes and blunt knives? No sir, no. We must all get behind our armed forces and force those that want to talk to submission to the will of the State. Remember, too, that the TTP is against democracy, period. How does a democrat square with this?

Oh well, all that is left is to exhort voters, specially the newly woken young folk to go out and vote for the candidates of their choice tomorrow for this is going to be a defining election in Pakistan’s history even though three important parties are prevented from open canvassing.

They are going to be important because Imran Khan’s PTI seems to be in a position of playing an important part in forming the next government or sitting as an important member of the opposition: it is important for it is only then that it will become clear to him and his ‘cabinet’ how very difficult it is to run a country like the Citadel of Islam.

Stop Press: Former PM Yousaf Raza Gilani’s younger son, Ali Haider, has been kidnapped at a corner meeting in Multan. Shame on the ECP and the Punjab government for withdrawing the former PM’s guards.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 10^th, 2013.

Er, what’s this about a “delegation of 75 ‘senior’ officers from Command and Staff College led by Lt. Col. Saqib Ali Cheema” who met the Chairman of the Senate Standing Committee on Defence and Defence Production, Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain, at Parliament House on April 26 ,2013?

“What is all this going on”, they asked according to The News; according to Dawn they “expressed concern over the arrest of the former President (the Commando)”, and “were of the opinion that under the Constitution the armed forces could not be criticised”. They also asked if there was anything in the Constitution which allowed anyone to “humiliate” any institution.

Well, well, well. But first things first: Not that two wrongs make a right, but might I remind the senior officers concerned that their own ilk have never thought twice about humiliating others and/or their institutions, ever. Let alone humiliating elected prime ministers, even officials of State have not been spared their wrath. (Is keeping the Commando in his 17-Star “Farmhouse” in Islamabad’s posh Chak Shehzad, instead of in a prison barracks, “humiliating” him?).

Whether it is motorway police inspectors who were beaten up for issuing a traffic ticket to an officer; or a police constable who was kidnapped and thrashed over several days because a general’s Begum felt slighted when her car was stopped in Lahore for tinted windows, tales of army officers taking the law into their own hands are myriad.

But coming back to the visit, was it one on which officers attending the Staff Course at Quetta are routinely taken so that they can interact with other institutions of State as a means of widening their horizons, or was this a visit made particularly to make a point, i.e., the army brass’s discomfiture at seeing a former COAS getting his comeuppance?

From the tenor of the questions, and from the fact that newspapers carried identical reports about the “meeting” suggesting a proper briefing, it seems to me to be the latter. Also, it is apparent that even army officers who attend the Staff College (senior majors who are considered the best of the lot) are ill-versed in making a distinction between the prosecution of an accused person whosoever he might be, and the constitutional protection given to the armed forces after the disgraceful debacle in East Pakistan, so that they would not face opprobrium at the hands of the general public.

However, whilst hot-headed young officers brought up on a steady diet of Us versus Them (“bloody civilians”, that is) can ask awkward questions, “Mandela’s” answers to the questions do not surprise one. To the question as to why “education had not been given top priority in policymaking and what were the reasons for lack of legislation about terrorism”, he says unsurprisingly: “Unfortunately certain sections of political elite did not see education as a top priority”. About the second, he said, “It was up to the legislature, government and judiciary, but unfortunately parliament had failed on this front”.

One should have thought that instead of placing the whole blame for a poor education infrastructure entirely on the political elite, “Mandela” might have said successive governments, including those of military dictators who ruled this country for 32 years of its blighted life, had failed in providing this. As to curbing terrorism, instead of putting the whole blame on to parliament of which he is part, “Mandela” could as well have said that where it comes to Balochistan, the army has no compunctions in taking the most stringent action; it was only where the Taliban were concerned that it asks for a “national consensus” and “legislation”.

But, as we well know, Mushahid “Mandela” Hussain will be Mushahid “Mandela” Hussain.

As to the “delegation” of Staff College, might one call upon the army to take note of this indiscipline: commenting on matters that are sub judice in the highest court of the land? Section 55, Manual of Pakistan Military Law: “Conduct prejudicial to good order and military discipline” should apply, no?

Elsewhere now, and to General Kayani’s speech on the occasion of Martyr’s Day. While one is gratified that he has once more made a clarion call for everyone to get behind Pakistan’s war on terrorists who are blowing this country apart, might one suggest to the General that unless the Army eschews the concept of “jihad” in as far as it means hegemony over Afghanistan and needling India, there is no way the terrorists can be fought effectively? For there will always be elements within the institution and it’s “agencies” who will share the jihadis’ mindset and subvert any effective action against them.

I am glad too, to hear the General say there can be no talks with terrorists until they “unconditionally submit to (the will of) the State”. I say to the “this is not our war” crowd: for heaven’s sake wake up even now, and open your eyes and ears to the daily salvoes being let loose by the TTP. According to a report in this newspaper of record of April 30, Hakimullah Mehsud has said from an undisclosed location that the “TTP’s aim would be to end the democratic system”. The report goes on: “Mehsud also urged TTP militants to target senior politicians and party leaders, while continuing the battle against security forces”.

Why don’t those political leaders who are on the right side of the TTP today realise that tomorrow they, too, will be on its wrong side: when they preside over the army’s efforts to rid the country of this monstrous scourge? For there is no other way, the traditional tribal leaders having been killed by the Taliban and their foreign fighters.

Which reminds me: Pakistan should brace itself for protests from Deeper than the Sea; Higher than the Himalayas, and Sweeter than Honey friend, China, as the East Turkestan Islamic Movement (ETIM) ratchets up its attacks in Xinjiang. Our brass hats should know that even now, there are rumours that the ETIM flag flies alongside the Islamic Emirate flag in areas of North Waziristan where the beloved Haqqanis thrive.

Rather bumpy ride just ahead, friends: the seat belt sign is flashing.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 4^th, 2013.

Why in heaven’s name did Maulana Aziz (of Red Mosque fame)’s lawyer, by the grace of the Almighty now elevated to the Islamabad High Court (IHC), sit on judgment on the Commando when he appeared before the IHC for confirmation of his bail? Is this not a conflict of interest situation when one of the cases against the Commando is to do with the Red Mosque? Indeed, why did the court administration send the case to him to hear? Patently unfair, I say and one which should be taken notice of by the honourable Supreme Court of Pakistan.

Having said which, and knowing two wrongs do not make a right and all that, let me say to those who are now propagating this on the internet, particularly my course-mates on our course discussion board: Gentlemen, recall that another army dictator, Ziaul Haq, elevated an avowed enemy of Zulfikar Ali Bhutto’s, Maulvi Mushtaq, to be the chief justice of the Lahore High Court, a post that Bhutto had refused to give him, to preside over Bhutto’s trial.

A criminally wrong move ab ignitio, for the High Court is a court of appeal, not a trial court. A move made, obviously, to deprive Bhutto of one court of appeal. Recall too, sirs, the way in which Maulvi conducted himself in that kangaroo court: the slights and the abuse that he aimed at the former president and prime minister of this poor country on a daily basis, even going to the extent of asking the accused if he was Muslim and then remarking that Bhutto was a Muslim in name only, a remark so very injudicious that even the loaded-against-Bhutto Supreme Court of Anwarul Haq expunged these remarks of Maulvi’s.

I write what I do for the information of the hundreds of thousands of young people who are alleged to have been energised this time around to make their presence felt in these elections: young people who know jot about this country’s democratic leaders’ travails and tribulations under army dictators and their henchmen. And the personal hate and rancour that informed the agenda of these dictators.

So, I say to the Commando’s supporters: understand that whatever is going on is due to the kind ministrations of the people you hold in high esteem; and that what goes around comes around. Personally, I abhor unfair behaviour towards anyone, and will always stand up for those who are dealt with unfairly.

Which brings me to the matter of the Commando wishing to go to Dubai to meet his dear mother, a lady I have admired since long for being the working woman that she was. May she have good health and may these days of peril for her son go easy on her. Indeed, may the Commando himself stay safe.

But we could all do without Ahmad Raza Kasuri’s histrionics on live TV when he pretended to cry, dry-eyed, in front of the Supreme Court, pleading for Musharraf to be allowed to go to Dubai to see his mother. May I remind Kasuri of the time when his leader (until 1976, when Kasuri stood in line for a PPP ticket for the ’77 elections despite having registered a murder case against ‘Saab’ — his word for ZAB — in 1974!) was the victim of judicial murder and his wife and daughter were not even allowed to attend his funeral rites by an army dictator.

May I remind Kasuri of the fact that Nawaz and Shahbaz and (the late) Abbas Sharif were not allowed to come back to the country by another army dictator, the Commando himself, to bury their father? May I remind Kasuri of the fact that one Asif Ali Zardari, now the president of the country, was not allowed to visit his mother when she was gravely ill because he was in the Commando’s prison? What goes around, sirs, comes around, remember that.

As to the Commando being allowed to go to Dubai to visit his mother, I am all for it: he has already made enough of a fool of himself by first coming back and then by his cowardly behaviour. If he doesn’t come back to face the charges against him, good riddance: he could be tried and sentenced in absentia if found guilty. The country could very easily do without him and his malevolent influence, now blaming x and then y for his own actions.

As an aside, and because the Commando has himself accused Shaukat (Shortcut) Aziz of triggering the 2007 emergency, our courts would do well to indict him too and issue Red Warrants for his arrest on charges of treason and worse. Serves him right for first doing the Commando’s bidding and then ditching his boss.

As to the Commando being delusional about the amount of support he enjoyed, whilst I know that my platoon-mate Brigadier Abdul Haque went to the Karachi airport despite his bad back (respect!), could someone enlighten us as to how many of the “over 150 Generals, Admirals and Air Marshals” who gathered in a five-star facility in Islamabad in support of the Commando a year or so ago, went to the Karachi airport to receive him, or were present in court when he appeared, or protested outside his house against his arrest? Precious few, I’ll bet.

Now then, while this little diversion provided by the Commando’s arrival and subsequent antics was quite hilarious, it has also led some to think that the elections might be postponed due to the flurry of judicial activity generated. Additional fuel for this theory is provided by the deteriorating security situation in the country with the TTP trying to influence the elections by threatening to, or actually carrying out acts of extreme terror against the MQM, the PPP and the ANP.

Now then, whilst it is absolutely unfair that the JI, the PTI, the PML-N and Maulana Fazl’s JUI run open campaigns while the three others cannot, it is imperative that the elections are held on schedule so that the winning party/combination too face the problem presented by the seemingly all-powerful TTP. It is only then that they will understand the magnitude of the problem.

All Pakistan must get together to rid this country of the murdering terrorists, otherwise this country is done for.

Published in The Express Tribune, April 26^th, 2013.

I’d written my article last night and was about to email it to my editor this morning when news came in of the Commando fleeing from the Islamabad High Court when his bail was cancelled! I don’t mind telling you I fell off my chair laughing.

Not too much of a Commando, what? His conduct recalled to mind the elegant way in which Zulfikar Ali Bhutto suffered at the hands of another army dictator, even going to the gallows eventually.

On August 18, 2009 I wrote in Dawn: “My advice to the Commando will be to come back to the country and face the music like a man. He has badmouthed ZAB much, and far too frequently when he ruled the roost, once going to the extent of calling him “the worst thing to have happened to Pakistan”! Well, let us see if he is half the man that Bhutto was.” He isn’t, is he?

I went on: “Let’s not forget the tribulations of another elected prime minister, Nawaz Sharif, who was thrown out of office by the army acting at the behest of the Commando and his rufaqaa and then, quite disgracefully, locked up in Attock Fort before being taken in shackles and chains to Karachi to stand trial for that so-called hijacking which many today say was a fraud played out by the ‘agencies’ to provide grounds for the removal of a constitutional government.” And the Commando himself scarpers when threatened with arrest?

So then, mayhem escalates in the Citadel of Islam, the good Taliban suicide-bombing the ANP day in and day out, and killing MQM candidates as far south as Hyderabad; the tally after the caretakers took over a few days ago, rising to over 60 dead and countless others maimed for life. In Peshawar’s bombing targeting the Bilours, even children were killed.

But thank God for little mercies: the gracious spokesman for the TTP apologised to Ghulam Ahmad Bilour for his getting hurt in the bombing in Yakatoot, Peshawar, saying they had no intention of harming him; that their target was his nephew Haroon Bilour, son of the late Bashir Bilour who the TTP blew up some months ago. By God, the brass of these murdering terrorists.

Earlier that day, in Balochistan, the PML-N’s Sardar Sanaullah Zehri’s convoy came under IED attack, killing his son, brother and nephew, and their guard. Amid all this chaos and anarchy, the political parties who are not on the TTP’s hit list are merrily campaigning away with nary a thought that their counterparts in the ANP, the PPP, and the MQM are hamstrung, not being able to campaign openly because of the TTP’s threat to attack them and their supporters if they hold any public meetings: witness the ANP’s tribulations in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa.

Isn’t it time that all politicians got together and condemned the TTP? Do those that are not threatened realise that if the parties that formed the last government are today under threat, the shoe may well be on the other foot tomorrow? Do they really think that the TTP is a nationalist movement, how many times must I say this, which will turn their Kalashnikovs into ball-pens and their knives and axes into notebooks?

What will happen when those who consider themselves in the “good books” of the Taliban come into power themselves and have to fight them? Do all the portents not point to a Taliban takeover of the whole blessed country? As I tweeted the other day, the TTP are but a few hundred beheadings away from complete power: just you wait until headless bodies are found on successive mornings hanging upside down in Faisalabad; Gujranwala; Multan; Hyderabad; Lahore, and why not, Rawalpindi and Islamabad. Recall Swat and Buner, gentlemen, and pull your heads out of the sand.

More than anything else, do these political leaders not consider the fact that even if they swept the elections, theirs would be a pyrrhic victory? And let alone our own people, even the rest of the world will not respect their mandate? I have to add my voice to that of my friend, Abbas Nasir, who used the word “disgusting” in describing the loud silence emanating from the “kosher” parties in his piece in Dawn of last week.

Let me also say that it boggles the senses that two of Musharraf’s stalwarts, Major (retd) Tahir Iqbal and Tariq Azeem, are going places in the PML-N. Iqbal replacing Ayaz Amir as the party’s candidate for NA-60 Chakwal, and Azeem becoming head information honcho.

While Iqbal’s tenure as a minister in the Commando’s cabinet was singularly unremarkable, Azeem excelled himself as chief spokesperson for the dictator during the judicial crisis when the Commando had locked up the chief justice and other members of the superior judiciary and even stopped their children from going to school. He was thrashed by lawyers during one of the big demos in Islamabad for his pains.

More importantly, I have to add that Ayaz Amir was a credible MNA, whose articles, critical of his own party’s government, showed the party to be democratic and open-minded. There should always be criticism within political parties such as there is abroad, particularly in the UK. I would freely equate Ayaz with Roy Hattersley of the Labour Party (Deputy Leader ’84 – ’92) who too was critical of his party in his writings, yet was elevated to the Lords. Oh well. As an aside, Roy and I had some memorable “lunches” in London.

Let me end by refuting all news to the effect that I am even contemplating co-hosting a television show alongside “Hazrat” Zaid Hamid as Tweeted the other day by a friend. Nothing could be further from the truth: I wouldn’t give the nutjob the time of day let alone be in such close proximity with him.

Finally, respect to the ANP. May their party workers be safe.

Published in The Express Tribune, April 19^th, 2013.

By golly the frenetic activity we see in the country as it, praise be to the Almighty, heads towards a general election on May 11, Insha’allah. As I have noted before, the very best thing is that the elected governments handed over power gracefully to civilian caretakers without “help” from the jackboot.

If there have been some aberrations as in some ROs asking weird and absurd questions of the candidates, there are good judges as in His Lordship Justice Mansoor Ali Shah of the LHC who has ordered that good sense should prevail. Respect to him.

If some prominent and good people were rejected by an RO, as in the case of Ayaz Amir, one of the very best English columnists in the country, there are “literate” lawyers like Salman Raja, and sensible election tribunals that have helped overturn the RO’s judgments. In short, we are off to a good start.

Now then, caretaker CM Najam Sethi and newly posted Chief Secretary Javed Iqbal are good men, both of whom I know: Najam for decades, Javed for some few years as a good friend of good friends. Both are highly intelligent, urbane, good people: Najam people know through his brave journalism, and Javed as an upright civil servant who has always stood up for the right thing — and sometimes suffered for it over the years.

But they have also created a needless upheaval in Punjab by ordering the transfer of 70 senior officers within the province and repatriating 12 even more senior officers to the federal government. Amidst all of this turmoil, one has to ask two questions: 1) is the election only going to be held in Punjab, and 2) was Punjab not the best run province in Pakistan?

If the answer to the first question is “no” and to the second, “yes”, why is the Punjab care-taker government the only care-taker government in Pakistan that has ordered this massive reshuffle which will affect not only the officers but their school and college going children; their spouses who might be holding jobs at the places of their posting, etcetera. No other province has, not even misruled Balochistan, whose CM was found on most days whizzing about on his motorcycle in Islamabad the Beautiful, and where civil servants ran the show.

Again, if Punjab was the best run province in the country, the civil servants at different posts should also have been the best of the lot, no? Now, before the opposition to the former government get their knickers in a twist, let me say that the posting of three or four or five of the close aides of the former CM is understandable if only to stop tongues wagging as to their loyalties lying with him. But why in the world should line officers, particularly senior judicial officers such as members Board of Revenue (with dockets of cases numbering in the hundreds) be posted out?

Some, like the Social Welfare Secretary and the DG Sports, are also repatriated, charged in press reports with “holding key positions during the PML-N regime”. Er, how in the world are the Social Welfare and Sports Departments “key” to anything at all please? In another instance, the Secretary Excise and Taxation has been posted as Secretary Irrigation. Er, the Secretary Irrigation’s job is more “key” than Excise and Taxation when it comes to “favouring” people, particularly farmers, for, if he is so inclined, he can “help” favoured people far more in his new post.

In any case, should repatriating officers to the federal government be the caretaker’s job, whose only endeavour should be to keep the seat warm — controlling law and order and conducting fair elections — for the next elected government to take over within 40 days from now? Should they be taking far-reaching decisions such as career planning for senior officials? Also, there is a great cost that postings entail: TA/DA, one month’s salary; baggage allowance; renting/allocation of residences and so on and so forth.

I would be failing to report the truth if I did not mentions at least one (former) Senior Member BOR; one (former) Commissioner (of Rawalpindi); and two (former) DCOs/DCs (of Rawalpindi and Lahore) who I saw at close quarters. Most effective officers they were; always doing the right thing by the people, by the government, and the country. I do not think one of them would act badly against anyone because they had served in key positions in the last government.

Sami Saeed, the former SMBOR, is an upstanding officer who I have seen in many meetings with CM Shahbaz Sharif on the Doongi Ground scandal (when Saeed was Chairman P&D), never saying anything incorrect. Indeed, Noorul Amin Mengal the former DCO Lahore, a Baloch officer mark, excelled in the conservation of this beautiful old city which has suffered neglect and ruin from unthinking people and governments over the years. He was the only one who took an uncompromising stand against lawbreakers and Qabza Groups. Also, I saw him announce excellent security and other arrangements for the PTI’s recent jalsa on TV, as a good servant of the people should. Kudos to him.

Indeed, Imdadullah Bosal and Captain Saqib, the former Commissioner and DCO/DC respectively of Rawalpindi, are excellent officers too and did not deserve the short shrift they got from the caretaker Punjab government. For, even if they were otherwise inclined, which I am sure they are not, they would not act against the law and their conscience. I have known both officers for many years now, Imdad for five; Saqib since he was AC Taxila 12 years ago! The Punjab government (caretaker) is the poorer for losing their services.

The question to ask is why this massive upheaval only in Punjab, by a caretaker government? To please the tantrum-throwing Bacha party? To pander to the media? Or do Najam Sethi and Javed Iqbal know something we don’t?

Having said which, I wish them both the very best in running a good ship; and us, a fair and transparent election.

P.S. Barrister Nabeel’s name comes to mind too: another good man sent back to the federal government. Saw him as DCO Gujranwala help so many poor and needy people …

Published in The Express Tribune, April 12^th, 2013.

In extolling the seamless way in which the caretakers have taken over after the elected governments left office to pave way for the elections, I had noted in this space just last week that we had shown the world that “we are not a bunch of monkeys but a good and sagacious people who need a chance to shape our own destiny … ”.

Just one week later, in keeping with our own belief that we are a very unique people, and living up to our reputation as a country that can do anything at any time leaving the rest of the world stunned and aghast, we see our nomination process degenerate to a veritable circus.

We see our media, particularly the Ghairatmand parts of it, tastelessly broadcast clips of candidates facing bizarre questions from the returning officers vetting the nomination forms of the candidates. In what appears to be an examination of how much of the Scriptures the candidate has mugged up, mockery is being made of what should be a process of determining whether the person concerned is good citizen enough to sit in the legislature.

Instead of considering whether he is a law-abiding citizen; if he pays his bills or is a defaulter, the emphasis is on whether or not the candidate knows various duas and verses of the Holy Quran. Of course, as in other matters such as having the graduation rule for prospective candidates, a singularly anti-democratic rule thrust down this country’s throat by an army dictator, Pakistan is unique in the world in requiring proficiency in the Scriptures as a qualification for standing in the elections.

Indeed, the televised question to a Sindhi candidate as to whether he knew the national anthem was ludicrous in the extreme, too. The anthem as we know is mostly in the Persian language and to ask a Sindhi to say it in proper order is silly and of absolutely no currency in determining whether he is suitable for offering himself as a candidate in the elections.

While on the subject of elections, let me also oppose vehemently the inclusion of the “None of the Above” box in the ballot papers. People who do not want to vote normally do not go to vote anyway, or they leave their ballot papers blank: why insert this new “choice”? To show up democracy?

I have said it before and will say it again: Justice (retd) Fakhruddin G Ebrahim is one of the people I admire most in the world; he is upstanding and fair-minded and has an excellent intellect. But why has he still got people like Aslam Khan hanging on to high offices in the ECP? I saw him on some talk show on television the other day, not knowing at the time who he was, and he seemed to me to be an extreme right wing politician rather than an official of the ECP.

It was later that I found that he was a veteran of many a referendum to legitimise army dictators, etcetera. Is there little wonder that the ballot papers are now to have this new box? Also, who is the tall, bearded gent who was standing behind the Chief Election Commissioner (CEC) the day he was announcing the names of the caretaker PM and who constantly corrected the CEC whenever he faltered or misread the text?

Who does not misread? Who does not falter or pause while reading something? The man actually tripped up the CEC several times needlessly, for Justice (retd) Fakhruddin could have corrected himself, being the well-spoken eminence that he is. If asking someone if he knows the national anthem backwards is par for the course, perhaps a purge in the ECP before the elections?

And so, to the Commando who was “somehow a little insulted, a little humiliated”, when he had to stand up as the judge entered the courtroom during his appearance in the Sindh High Court for extension of his protective bail. By golly, the man is not only dheet, he also has tonnes of brass.

Let excerpts from my piece in Dawn of August 18, 2009 speak: “What is so special about an army general anyway? Let us immediately recall the tribulations of an elected president and prime minister by the name of Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, who was treated most shabbily and most disgracefully not only in jail, but also during his appearances in the court of Maulvi Mushtaq who was avowedly Bhutto’s enemy. Let us not forget that when Bhutto one day complained that he did not have confidence in Maulvi Mushtaq, he shouted at him to ‘Stand up, and keep standing!’

“When Bhutto protested, Maulvi Mushtaq again roared ‘Remove his chair’ and added words to the effect, ‘You are no longer president or prime minister; if you do not shut up I have the authority to have you whipped in jail!’ Let us remember that Bhutto was made to stand throughout the proceedings of that day. So, why should we care that Musharraf is a former COAS, and how the army (always read ‘high command’ or ‘brass hats’ whenever I invoke the name of the army for what do the junior ranks have to do with their crimes?) will take it? Let the generals take it as they will, for they must learn, once and for all, that they are merely sub-department heads of yet another department of the government.

“Let’s not forget the tribulations of another elected prime minister, Nawaz Sharif, who was thrown out of office by the army acting at the behest of the Commando and his rufaqaa and then, quite disgracefully, locked up in Attock Fort before being taken in shackles and chains to Karachi to stand trial for that so-called hijacking …

“Let us also not forget that when Nawaz Sharif attempted to come back to Pakistan after being expressly allowed by the Supreme Court, he was treated most shamefully and was sent back to Saudi Arabia in disgraceful fashion. If the establishment, handmaiden to the generals and the ‘agencies’, can behave so with democratically elected leaders, why should the Commando be let off the hook?”

Indeed, why?

By golly, what dheetpuna!

Published in The Express Tribune, April 5^th, 2013.

But before we go there, a hand for democracy winning out at the end, despite the serious assaults upon it by the Ghairat Brigades and its masters who live and operate in the underworld, in the dank and dark shadows in which our Deep State thrives.

How good it is to see a caretaker prime minister and chief ministers take over from elected politicians thrown up by the national and provincial assemblies without the “aid” of the Pakistan Army, abetted by people like Ghulam Ishaq Khan (aka Mr GIK) and Farooq Leghari and their ilk.

How heartening, despite the slings and arrows so to speak, of the Ghairat Brigades and their cohorts when they quite rudely point to the ages of the chief election commissioner and the caretaker PM, or when they question someone’s credibility on spurious allegations of being an agent of this or that foreign country; to see Pakistan start the transition from one civilian elected government to another.

How wonderful to see the political temperature, which was raised to beyond boiling point by hawks in all parties, come down to civilised levels, telling the world that we are not a bunch of monkeys but a good and sagacious people who need a chance to shape our own destiny without help from the security establishment that so prides itself on being the “most efficient” organisation in Pakistan.

And now to being dheet and who first in line but the great Commando himself who made a homecoming to the rapturous cheers of upwards of 1,000 supporters who turned out to greet him at Karachi airport.

The versatile and vigorous Urdu word dheet has many meanings in English, but my preferences are: “petulant”, “pretentious”, “insolent” and “wanton”. For now, let us leave aside the fact that among his other achievements, such as gifting us the Mullah Military Alliance (MMA), the Commando also dismissed and arrested the superior judiciary, let me take you back to 2006 when he was master of all he surveyed; when, according to himself, manna from heaven used to fall in Pakistan. My family and I had just returned from Sri Lanka and Thailand.

On August 3, 2006, I wrote in the Daily Times: “As fated, we have made the great leap backward after our month-long holiday, landing with a rude thud back in the Fatherland, bang smack in the middle of the utter chaos that is Musharraf’s Pakistan. Right from Karachi airport’s immigration hall which gave the impression of a badly-run fish market despite the brave efforts of the helpful and considerate immigration officers, to the meeting area in the airport’s veranda which was as usual teeming with taxi drivers soliciting passengers, to the city which was, as usual, in the throes of loadshedding, all of it was exactly as one had left it.”

And: “Whilst our hostess in Karachi had a generator and we slept off our jetlag in peace, that very evening, visiting my son’s home we were hit by loadshedding. ‘Signs of evermore progress, Abba,’ exclaimed Tubby, echoing Musharraf. Incidentally, last week I had also referred in this space to the General’s brilliant statement that there was a power shortage in Pakistan because there was progress in Pakistan. I had pointed out that this obviously meant that Sri Lanka and Thailand and Malaysia were not progressing because we experienced no loadshedding there.”

So there you have it, reader, a short glimpse into the Commando’s Pakistan, fully five and a half years into his reign, for there is no other word for his absolute rule, in which he wielded unlimited and supreme power and was answerable to no one on earth; a time when the US had opened its generous coffers and billions were pouring into the country no questions asked. And when not one watt generated by a new power station was added to the country’s grid. The man left the country in such a terrible mess and still wants to take us back to those days? If this is not dheetpuna what is?

However, this dheetpuna extends elsewhere too: you guessed it, to the bowels of the Deep State too, which goes on tripping over its two left feet when it comes to combating terrorism, which is threatening the very existence of this country. Whether it is the advance of the Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) and its foreign commanders and men in Tirah and Bara, getting ever closer to Peshawar, or to the extreme threats being issued by Shia killers, the Deep State, which is a law unto itself, acts as if it sees no evil, hears no evil. Simply because it does not let go of its stupid jihadi policies, and goes on boxing above its weight.

What could be a more serious indictment of the “premier” agencies the MI and the ISI than the fact that it took the Supreme Court, no less, to get them to admit this last Tuesday to a huge terrorist threat to the country. What more proof is needed that the “agencies” know a whole lot more than they divulge, even to the properly constituted government of the country?

Whilst this in itself proves that they might be up to no good in their arrogant quest for “strategic depth”, it is no secret to be told by them that sectarian killers are hooking up with the TTP. We, the common people of this hapless country, knew this many years ago. We can read you know, sirs.

So, there we have it: good news and very bad news indeed. And while there is a (tiny) sliver of hope in the distant future in that a whole lot of young people have evinced an interest in politics and elections thanks to the exertions of Imran Khan’s PTI, I foresee an extremely difficult time for the country in the immediate future.

And that hinges on the US withdrawal from Afghanistan when the guns of the Afghan Taliban and the TTP and its foreign jihadis will turn on our country. THAT is when the thing will hit the fan. Wait for it.

Dheetpuna, what else?

Published in The Express Tribune, March 29^th, 2013.

Three matters will take us hither and yon this week. One, imagine my horror when I saw the latest advertising blitz of the CSD (Canteen Stores Department) a department of the Quarter Master General’s Branch of the Pakistan Army, which used to run shops (in cantonments) only for serving and retired officers and men. These shops offered, e.g., imported barathea uniform cloth for the once elegant service dress (complemented by the shining leather Sam Browne belt, not the girlie brocade sashes worn by today’s officers — the higher the rank the girlier the sash); some firearms; sporting goods; cheddar cheese made by army farms and suchlike. And in the good old days when hypocrisy had not taken over Pakistan completely, duty-free whisky. As an aside, I recall buying Yahya Khan’s favourite Black Dog at Rs67 a 24-ounce bottle from the CSD in Sialkot in 1966.

Two, across the border, the former air chief, air chief marshal (ACM) SP Tyagi had his home raided by the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), the equivalent of our own FIA, being suspected of involvement in bribery and corruption amounting to 50 million euros to do with India’s purchase of 12 Italian helicopters made by Agusta Westland, a subsidiary of the Italian giant Finmeccanica. According to reports in the press, CBI spokeswoman Dharini Mishra said, “He is one of the 13 people we have filed an FIR (First Information Report) against…the FIR filed on Wednesday represents the first stage of an official police enquiry’.

And last but not least, a hand for Shahbaz Sharif for his hard work and for proving that he was, by far, the best chief minister of any province of Pakistan during the past five years. You might disagree with him on many counts, such as I do, e.g., having the distasteful Rana Sanaullah by his side, but you cannot fault him for not trying his best to improve the lot of Punjab. In which, let us not be niggardly, he has succeeded to some good extent.

Whether it was combating dengue, or getting projects completed in record time, Sharif excelled in a milieu where mediocrity is the rule; where one or two of every 10 government servants actually do the jobs they are paid to do, in the way they should be done; where most of them are only along for the ride leaving the hard work to those of their colleagues who are honest of purpose, and who believe in pride of performance.

He provided leadership by being there himself: inspecting building sites and anti-dengue operations at all hours; visiting hospital latrines and personally cleaning clogged basins and drains to show that there is no shame in getting one’s hands dirty, thus forcing the bureaucracy to rouse itself out of its stupor.

I had occasion to work with him on the Doongi Ground fraud perpetrated on the province of Punjab and particularly on the people of Lahore in which the famous cricket ground in Gulberg II (along MM Alam Road) was converted into a future IMAX cinema and commercial building, the rent from whose shops would hopefully make up the losses sure to be run up by the cinema.

This is what I wrote in Dawn of December 30, 2008:

“SURELY everyone and Charlie’s aunt has heard about the Doongi Ground scandal? The one in which the government of Pervaiz Elahi tried…to convert (or in legal parlance, ‘change the use’ of) a park/playground to an entertainment centre containing an IMAX cinema?

“An IMAX cinema in Lahore you may well ask? In a city that cannot provide its inhabitants clean drinking water…where the poor far outnumber the rich who play on MM Alam Road…and where, in any case, the scheme of the Gulberg colony dating to the early fifties had Doongi Ground clearly marked as a green playground/park area?

“An IMAX cinema in any city of Pakistan, you would ask when there are very few films in the entire world in the IMAX format? When the ticket costs would be prohibitive for the vast majority of the citizens of the city? When there was, even when the project was (mis)conceived four years ago, not enough electricity in the country to run equipment such as that in an IMAX which needed humidity control and a temperature of 26 degrees Celsius all year round to merely stay in good repair in hot and humid Pakistan…something like Rs10m a month would be needed just to keep the damned thing running.”

My recommendation: Do not throw good money after bad; return the Doongi Ground to the children of Lahore; turn the whole matter over to a judicial tribunal which should prosecute those who played so wantonly with public funds.

The long and the short of it is that work was stopped; the Punjab Entertainment Company (wholly owned and financed by the Government of Punjab, I ask you) was disbanded and a sum of Rs500 million recovered. Note that 500 million had already been squandered on this criminal enterprise.

I found Shahbaz Sharif clear-headed and assertive, ensuring that a reluctant bureaucracy did what was right. I am sorry to report, however, that the bureaucracy has not allowed the findings of the excellent Farogh Naweed Report on this scandal to become public and/be implemented.

Now back to The Caring Store and the Indian air chief. Our CSD is now just another retail store catering to all comers: a commercial enterprise just like any other grocer, general merchant, or supplier. This is a crying shame, and only adds to charges that the army runs what are mainly money-making commercial concerns.

Hard on the heels of which comes the news that the GOP has quietly acquiesced to the army’s demands for more money, ending up slipping up to Rs687 billion into its coffers between 2009 and 2013. Well…

As to what has happened to ACM Tyagi, Ms Mishra’s counterpart in Pakistan should have been disappeared by now…the raiding sleuths of the FIA thrashed up and locked up in the nearest quarter guard and so on.

And, er, the CSD in India is still ONLY for the use of serving and retired personnel of the Armed Forces …

P.S. Does The Caring Store pay taxes? Would ISPR care to comment?

Published in The Express Tribune, March 22^nd, 2013.