Long gone are the patient slow days of old-school romance where you’d meet someone in parks, bazaars, malls, weddings, parties, or any other social gatherings. Did that even happen or was it just in Bollywood? How do people meet honestly if not through family, school, or work? It’s all the rage now to meet someone by swiping them on a screen.
People born in the late 90s and early 2000s, if still single, have probably tried at least a few of the myriad of dating apps out there. The most common applications used in Pakistan are Tinder and Bumble, although the former is currently banned.
Since love and sexuality are taboo topics in Pakistan, society here barely allows conversations around the dating process, especially casual dating— which is a rather contemporary idea. Given the limited number of venues for people to meet if they are seeking love or a casual date, people are turning to the internet to meet someone from the opposite gender. They are using these applications because of peer pressure, sheer boredom, or in rare cases, sincere hopes of finding a love match.
Those who haven’t tried online dating may site the risks involved in this form of courtship, many of which were exposed in the Netflix documentary, The Tinder Swindler. This film tells the story of a conman who scammed women he met on the dating app, outlining the risks involved in putting oneself out there and trusting people behind a screen.
The lessons in The Tinder Swindler are sadly not unique, and many people have experienced some of their most awful dating experiences on Tinder. Here, Pakistani young people retell their worst Tinder dates, which will make you consider how and whether you search for love online.
Fetishes
Like many of his peers, Wasih, 22, joined Tinder out of boredom to “explore and swim in a pool of options” a few months after his breakup. After a few profiles, he matched with a girl who only had one picture of herself dressed normally, while her other pictures had her dressed in monstrous cosplay. Wasih thought the girl was pretty and took the cosplay outfits as a conversation starter. “It was playful, I thought she’s into anime or something like that,” Wasih said. He eventually got over his doubts and struck up a conversation with his match. They quickly bonded over their obsession with crime thrillers and anime.
However, it turns out that the cosplay went beyond the surface. After they went on a date, the pair was sitting in the car when the girl asked Wasih if she could cut him. “She even had a pocketknife in her bag, and a nail cutter,” he said. “It turned out that she had a blood fetish. The sight of red fresh blood turned her on. I didn't even know what it was or how far she wanted to take it, but I knew I had to run for my life. I had my friend fake call me and got out of the date.”
Awkward movie dates
Saheefa, 24, had been meeting people off these apps for a while. However, her latest experience made her quite selective of the men she meets from the app. "I went on a movie date with this guy who chewed tobacco throughout the whole movie. We were watching a horror movie and I was more terrified and grossed out by the sound of him chewing than the movie.” Saheefa rolled her eyes at the memory as she said it only gets worse from here. “When he dropped me home, and mind you, still chewing the tobacco, he leaned in to try to make out. Awkwardly, I chuckled at his audacity, high-fived him and bolted from that car so fast!"
Manahil, 23, recently met a guy that she met on Tinder at his house. The two had decided to spend the evening watching a movie, talking and playing games. But as soon as Manahil started to get comfortable, her date got a phone call where all she heard him tell the person on the other end of the line to come. A few minutes later, three of his guy friends were in the room, and they kept telling her that they were hafiz-e-quran. “They kept talking with each other as I got paranoid of their words and actions,” Manahil said. “Scared, I booked an Uber hastily all while thinking of escape plans if they take advantage of me.”
Creepy stalkers
Bilal, 26, was swiping mindlessly on Tinder when he received a message from a girl he had matched with the night before. The message read: “I’ve seen you somewhere.” Smiling at the overused pickup line, he flirted back, and the pair agreed to meet in the park. Since it was winter and the weather was pleasant, it seemed like it would be a good date.
However, even before the date, Bilal started to feel something was off. The girl told him how she lived near the park that he had walked by two days before they matched online. “She remembered what clothes I wore, and how I styled my hair, and to my horror, had made a short video of me walking with my face turned against the camera,” Bilal said. “I unmatched instantly and deleted the app.”
Alina, 18, was interning at a media house in the summer of 2019 when she decided to try Tinder to “socialise and see what’s out there.” She matched with this guy who she described as “decent-looking, sweet.” He was also studying law, so she decided he didn’t seem like a threat. It was Alina’ first time meeting someone on Tinder and although she was nervous, she decided to meet the match for chai. He lived nearby and offered to pick her up from work.
Shortly after he picked her up, the pair was driving through the streets of DHA when they stopped near a juice bar for water. While they were waiting, Alina said he looked at her fingers and touched the ring she was wearing. At first, she though the gesture was sweet, and offered him her hand to hold as they drove. After that, things got strange. “As we crossed random streets, he pointed to a house further down the lane where he said he would want to live with me,” Alina said.
She thought it was a joke until she looked at her date’s face and saw that he was serious. He then locked the doors and said he wanted her to stay with him, adding in manipulative things about how he couldn’t drop her off at home because he worried if she left him, she wouldn’t come back. He told Alina he wanted to give her a ring, and that since he knew all her likes and dislikes, he could make her happy. “The whole car ride was him desperately telling me of his intentions to marry me,” Alina said. She started yelling and gesturing for people to help before she finally got out of the car and was able to call a Careem to go home.
Lessons learned
While some people have had luck with online dating, it still comes with some risk and there are plenty of horror stories out there. So, always ask your dates if they have any weird fetishes, drug addictions, friends who crash dates, stalking tendencies but most importantly, always inquire for any preconceived intentions of secretly marrying you in a day.