The nanny trap

Men in showbiz, rather than hire 60-year olds, they invite trouble by recruiting 20-somethings

The club comprising Monica Lewinsky, Kim Kardashian, Divine Brown, and scores of the ilk, has a new entrant: Ben Affleck’s ex-nanny, Christine Ouzounian. She can bid adieu to nannying. No family will allow a viper into the hen house. She can also bid adieu to her poor days. The sacked girl, linked to the breakdown of Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s marriage, has bagged a $1 million offer to star in a Batman parody film that will see her slide down the bat ‘pole’ in three scenes. No doubt, she will use her new-found fame (or infamy) to clinch a book deal or a reality show, or both, later. The philandering male libido has given birth to a host of upstarts who ‘milk’ (quite literally) their encounters to bag a career that they could have only dreamt of.

Men in showbiz have a peculiar affinity for nannies. Rather than hire 60-year olds, they invite trouble by recruiting 20-somethings. Surprisingly, their wives let the chicas function in the same zip code as their husbands. Look at Ethan Hawke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mick Jagger and Jude Law. All of them hooked up with the help. Two character actors in Bollywood were implicated for assaulting their maids. I often hear men make lascivious remarks about a new maid in the household. The fact that X-rated videos of nannies and maids have a huge uptake proves that this is something to do with the latter being a vulnerable, non-threatening and non-competitive fantasy. Clearly, the world is a changed place. 

Tailpieces

1) Senator Mushahidullah Khan is paying for shooting his mouth off. The minister, who blamed the hot air from Rajasthan’s coal plants for fanning Karachi’s heatwave, spoke about an alleged plot to overthrow the Sharif government, in a recent interview. The prime minister asked him to return from his ‘work’ jaunt in the Maldives and resign. Khan’s statement has reignited speculation regarding the controversial civil-military relationship in Pakistan. Who is really calling the shots?

2) When Anushka Sharma tweeted a video of her singing “Rolling In The Deep”, I replied, “You go girl.” Social media has made movie fans accept that their favourite celebs, beneath the pancake, are ordinary mortals who cough, sneeze and sing badly (in this case, by her own admission.) We need more of Sharma’s tribe.

3) I was as amazed as I was amused to read about the controversial adultery website, Ashley Madison, planning a £130 million share flotation on the London Stock Exchange. The site, which promised to keep the identities of its clients safe, had egg on its face after a hacker leaked the names and sexual fantasies of its 37 million anonymous users, mostly bored husbands looking for a secret fling. “Life is short — have an affair” says the site. The snickering prudes can call it odious and tawdry, but for a majority of the world’s male species, the tag line is a fantasy that has either been fulfilled or one that has crossed their minds at some point in their lifetime. I make no moral judgments and believe in freedom when people are adult enough to make their choices and deal with their consequences. Marriage has been redefined over the last decade. The rules are changing. Everyone (well, almost) is guilty of something, which means that no one is guilty of anything.

4) I don’t get the fuss, farce and disappointment surrounding the derailed India-Pakistan talks. Call me a cynic if you must, but nothing has come of these talks in the past and I have no hope from these civil tea and samosa parties in the future either.

Published in The Express Tribune, August 27^th, 2015.

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