Survivors share their stories in an effort to end the stigma of talking about sexual abuse. DESIGN BY TALHA KHAN
One effort to help survivors speak up is ‘Talk, Dammit’, an online project trying to give voice to those silenced into submission. The project’s Facebook page lets victims of abuse share their stories with others. The effort empowers the contributors as much as the readers and encourages them to break their silence and to speak up.
“’Talk, Dammit!’ is a project where I talk to victims of child sexual abuse and bring forth their stories in bits and pieces — anonymously and with their consent — for all of you to engage with in constructive dialogue around the issue,” explains the project’s creator Syed Faizan Raza Rizvi. The 22-year-old student and graphic designer asks people to share their story by messaging him via Facebook. In a very short period of time, the page has become a platform where people feel safe sharing their stories with the world. The comments under each post reveal that the prevalent attitude towards abuse may be shifting, as readers share words of comfort with each contributor. This show of support and care gives courage not only to the contributor but also to other survivors of sexual abuse who fear being exposed.
Speak up
Since the page was created earlier this month, more than 50 people have shared their stories on it. Even though most contributors choose to remain anonymous on this platform, their desire to talk about their struggle is refreshing.
A victim of a child sex abuse scandal stands in his house in Hussain Khan Wala town, in Kasur district. PHOTO: REUTERSAamna*, a contributor on the page, explained the effects of abuse thus: “It made me a shy child, someone who hated being in the limelight and had zero self-confidence. It also made me fear every person I came across. My studies took a toll as well.” Amna says that the ‘Talk, Dammit’ page was the first place where she had ever shared her story with others. “I’d already seen my friends make rape jokes and judge cases of abuse seen in the news,” she says, explaining why she told her story. “I didn’t want that kind of judgment.”
Sarah*, another contributor on the page talked about the feeling of liberation that sharing her story gave her, saying, “When I wrote it down on paper, it felt somewhat tangible, like a tangled wire. It felt as if it was something I could actually solve and untangle. I know, I won’t be able to get over it completely but I still think that talking about it has helped me realise what my problem really is and how I’ll solve it.”
When asked why others should share their stories and speak up, Sarah explains, “Bottling up is like letting poison spread inside you. It kills you inside. Let it out, and spread awareness. You never know who is benefiting from it.”
“If not for yourself, talk for the sake of others,” says Anushay Khan, one of the few ‘Talk, Dammit’ contributors who have disclosed their names on the page. Khan adds, “You are never wrong. It is never about the clothes you wear, the way you talk or how you present yourself. It is in the mind of these sick people. I knew I was not at fault since the first day and everyone needs to realise that. Talk to someone, every reply will help you one way or the other. It shapes your personality, it gives you confidence, it gives you hope. You need to gather all that and become the man or woman you want to be.”
While talking about the effects of abuse, Khan said, “I thought it was all fun and play. Even though I was being molested since before, I realised it at the age of 11, when I was old enough to know what was happening. I talked about it with a few cousins of mine but since no one was alarmed, I kept quiet for a while.”
The man behind the voice
Syed Faizan Raza Rizvi has associated himself with many different causes over the years. Over the past few months, he has worked tirelessly to get help for victims of the heat wave in the country. Deciding to take the initiative was a spur-of-the-moment decision for Rizvi. “Apart from the obvious reason, the Kasur tragedy, I decided to take this initiative because there were plenty of people in my circle who had gone through such traumatic experiences and wished that they could talk about it,” he explains. “I knew if there were people like that in my circle, there would be plenty more who would want to share, even if it was done anonymously.” He was surprised by the response he received. “I did not know if people would be willing to share their stories with a stranger over the Internet, but the response has been overwhelming,” he says. “In two weeks, I gathered 50 stories and there will be many more.”
Rizvi explains that as his contributors decided to share a very personal and sensitive part of their lives with the world, he has decided to work on the project alone. “I can’t even dream of a team at the moment, as trust is a big factor in the project,” he explains. “People are opening up because they know it is safe to do so, and I do not want to change that.” When asked about expanding the project, he answers, “I do plan to turn this into something bigger, I haven’t decided what that will be, but it doesn’t stop at just putting stories out. This is why the project now has its own Facebook page and is separate from my other work.”
The project is already effecting change. “Through this page, a few trained psychologists have contacted me, saying that they are willing to help the people who have come forward, free of cost if they are willing to take help,” Rizvi says with pride. “I think that is a huge deal.”
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Hurmat Majid is a subeditor at The Express Tribune.
She tweets @bhandprogramme
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, August 30th, 2015.
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