Goat-Spy Letters —VI

I find espionage mostly an exercise in obtaining, the freely available, and confirming, the widely known.

In which Jassasa uncovers a global conspiracy to convert the Dajjal’s army into females and learns of the Murchura faqir archetype

Dear Master!

I find espionage mostly an exercise in obtaining, at great expense, the freely available, and confirming, with great waste of resources, the widely known. But yesterday’s visit to the neighbourhood milk shop to drink sweet lassi brought me different luck.

About a half hour after drinking the lassi, I began to feel strange and act nanny-like. I was a little flighty and spent a couple of hours loitering in the cloth market checking different fabrics. The mood went away some hours later and I gave the incident no billy thought.

The same night, I, again, had a craving for lassi. I returned to the milk shop, ordered another glass and sat down to watch the local news on the TV. Soon I found myself making sheep-eyes at the passersby. When I got up, a number of men followed me. I got rid of them with difficulty by rushing into an alley and putting on a woman’s disguise.

My mind was alert to my state, however, and I kept wondering what had brought it about twice in a day. On a suspicion, I sent the chowkidar to bring me another glass of lassi from the milk shop while I set up the Dajjal-chromosal-scope. When the chowkidar returned I put drops of the fluid to a comprehensive test. Floating in the thick wedge of clotted cream were large dollops of X-chromosome. I immediately saw the larger conspiracy.

It had been reported that geneticists had identified a Y-chromosomal lineage carried by likely male-line descendants of Genghis Khan — that great warrior saint who was in his time falsely proclaimed as the Dajjal by some. This particular Y-chromosomal lineage was found in abundance in the designated land not only because of historical reasons but also because of selective breeding policies subsequently implemented by the qutubs. It has been written in the eschatology that the legions raised would make the vanguard of Dajjal’s forces. A conspiracy is clearly afoot by anti-Dajjal forces to dent Master’s power by diluting the Y-chromosome effect. Jassasa will get to the bottom of this.

Master knows that I ever remain in search of archetypes that could help Master and me better understand the local psyche. Well, it proved a lucky week. While reading a history, I discovered a very fundamental archetype in a sect of beggars called the Murchura faqirs. In the past, members of this particular sect went about the bazaars armed with sharp-edged objects. Upon sighting an affluent party approach, the Murchura faqir rushed forward and fell at its feet crying for alms. If the alms were denied, the Murchura faqir uttered a loud cry and gashed open his own skull with the sharp-edged object. To avoid the gory, horrible spectacle, alms were readily offered to the Murchura at the first asking.

I thought it a great shame that the Murchura — that model of ingenuity — is not found in the streets today. I was also puzzled because a fine begging strategy like that could not go out of fashion. A little field research revealed to me that the archetype is alive and au courant; except, the Murchura strategy is now practiced only by the highest functionaries of the state in the bazaar of nations. It continues to be lucrative. Recently, the Murchuras of the state met an indifferent patron. Cries and bloodletting followed, and the very next week a fearful and contrite patron loosened his purse strings and provided alms with a hefty penalty for the earlier indifference.

With the passage of time, a flint-hearted world has become further tight-fisted and is not easily moved. But the Murchuras must somehow draw sustenance. They are up to the game and adept at persuasion. Master should expect a flurry of Murchura activity in the coming days.

Yours,

Jassasa

Published in The Express Tribune, April 27^th, 2011.