Pakistan

Chit chat in Hong Kong

Hong Kong can prove to be quite a challenge for us desi folk who have a built-in love for casual chit-chat.

Jahanzaib Haque April 11, 2011

They say what really makes a trip to any destination memorable is the people you end up interacting with.

In this respect, Hong Kong can prove to be quite a challenge, especially for us desi folk who have a built-in love for casual chit-chat — a mechanism which runs in direct contrast to the Hong Kong citizen’s love of utility, function and no-nonsense communication. Here is a collection of just a few interactions from Hong Kong, a city I fell in love with for its refreshing, albeit short, dialogue.

Exchanging money at the airport

Me: Hi, I would like to change US$200 please.

Cashier: *Nods in agreement*

Me: So, is the exchange rate any good at the airport?

Cashier: NO TALKING! NO TALKING HERE. PLEASE NO TALKING. THANK YOU.

First trip to the MTR train station

Me: Hi, can you help me, please? Where do I have to go to board the Tung Chung line?

Information booth guy: To.

Me: To Tung Chung. I need to get to Tung Chung to go see the giant Buddha? You know, the giant Buddha? *flapping arms*

Information booth guy: TO.

Me: TO TUNG CHUNG.

Information booth guy: TWO! *Angrily pointing to a big sign which says ‘Lane 2’*

Admiring the giant Buddha on Lantau

Me: This Buddha statue is amazing, isn’t it? How many steps did I just climb?

Irate stall lady: Yes, very nice, thank you. Please choose your free ice-cream.

Me: Do you enjoy your job? It must be kind of boring coming up here daily, huh?

Irate stall lady: Yes, you want chocolate, vanilla, strawberry?

Visiting The Peak

Me: Wow! Holy crap, this climb is so steep the buildings are all crooked! Look, look!

Chinese tourist: Yes very nice.

Me: Have you taken this tram ride before? You don’t seem nervous or excited at all.

Chinese tourist: It’s okay. I take picture for you?

Me: Yeah could you? I only have my BlackBerry [Curve 8900] though, no camera.

Chinese tourist: BlackBerry? *laughs* So bad phone. Very outdated.

*End of conversation*

Losing a Star Ferry ticket

Random guy: *Snaps fingers*

Me: Yes?

Random guy: *Snap snap, points behind me*

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t get you. You want me to go back?

Random guy: *Snap snap, points harder*

Me: But I just got my ticket. I don’t want to go back!

Random guy (in crisp English): You. Have. Dropped. Your. Ticket. On. The. Floor.

Shopping in Temple Street Market

Me: How much for this diary?

Shopkeeper: For you special price — 90 dollar.

Me: What? I saw this same diary for 60 two stalls back.

Shopkeeper: Wise guy, you go buy somewhere else.

Me: Okay, well, what’s the price of this slightly smaller diary then?

Shopkeeper: For you? Seven hundred dollar. Go away.

Smoking in the Empire Hotel

Me: Can I smoke indoors?

Reception guy: NO. No smoking here.

Me: Do you have any designated smoking spot?

Reception guy: No no no. No smoking here.

Me: Can I at least smoke in my room?

Reception guy: Noooo. *Frustration apparent*

Me on phone (after discovering ashtray in my room): Hey, is this ashtray here for decoration or can I actually smoke in the room?

Reception guy: Just one minute. *whisper whisper* Okay you smoke. Thank you goodbye.

Trapped by ‘Olina’, a call-girl in shady Wan Chai district

Olina: Take my picture, you me, only 20 dollars! *Grabs arm, refuses to let go*

Me: No! I’m not interested!

Olina: Okay no problem! You buy me drink for 20 dollars?

Me: No! I’m not into that!

Olina: You tallest man in Hong Kong — six feet long! Buy Olina drink!

Me: Fine. One drink. But that’s all.

Wake-up call for last day of Hong Kong trip

Me: Hi, can I get a wake-up call in the morning, please? Around 6:30 am?

Phone operator: Yes sir, 6:30 am thank you please, goodbye.

Phone in the morning: This is your wake-up call. This is your wake-up call. This is your wake-up call. *recorded message on infinite loop*

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, April 10^th, 2011.

COMMENTS (14)

M.Asad | 13 years ago | Reply chinese people are less-friendly and they don't like other's culture.

hassan | 13 years ago | Reply @umair: Looks like you missed Odel Mall..it was worth a visit..just to see the cricket crazy guys there...the shirts were a bit expensive.... In my A Upper stand, I got a chance to chat with Percy Abeysekera, Sri Lanka's version of Cricket Chacha. Cricket crazy country, and as you've rightly mentioned, very nice and courteous people! I think in 10 years time, the island could turn out to be a tourist's paradise!

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umair | 13 years ago | Reply @ hassan, dear we were @ Stand b, near chahaye cricket,,lol,,,, yeah, we ahd gud time @ hotel ( u mean hotel)

hassan | 13 years ago | Reply @umair: I think I saw a group of you guys at the A upper stand...I am sure you must have noticed that the beer was very inexpensive though..... By the way, did you have a nice time at Odel? :)

Faria Syed | 13 years ago | Reply Honest, funny and insightful. Your best piece yet.

Bilal | 13 years ago | Reply Hong Kong didnt use to be like that pre-1997, only after handover to PRC did English gradually become almost useless. You will find even in tourist areas that English is poorly understood and that they will be generally less courteous to you if you are brown. Currency exchange personnel at airport are downright hostile and don't have the most basic understanding of customer service. I noticed that they were a little bit more courteous to white westerners but only when profit was involved otherwise they were treated as rudely. Hong Kong is truly becoming a part of mainland China and I have a feeling that it will loose all its British heritage in 50 years.

Nida Haque | 13 years ago | Reply :D What a great piece of writing!

Iftikhar Firdous | 13 years ago | Reply @Jehanzeb : They speak Hinglish in Hongkong, Singlish in Singapore, Thinglish in Thailand etc etc...lol

Bolimaga Bevarsi | 13 years ago | Reply Curve 8900 and no camera?? is that a chinese copy?

Talat Haque | 13 years ago | Reply Love your writing! Love your insight!

umair | 13 years ago | Reply gr8 piece of writing, yes, very truly said, its the people with whom u interact makes your trip unforgettable, in this context, i wanted to share that, i had a trip to Colombo and Kandy, Srilanka 3 weeks back when Cricket WC 2011 was underway,,, i was told by mom who migrated from India - Pakistan via Ceylon (former name of Srilanka was Ceylon) that there is too much greenry and the weather is very pleasant,,,After landing on colombo airport, we decided to move to kandy (as we were on a short tour, 2 days only),,,on our way to Kandy, i was surprised by the spectacular scenes and we enjoyed the mountain scenery. what shocked me most was the inflation and poverty of people,,,the tourist has to keep around 40 - 50 k Sri lankan rupees if he/she is on 2 day tour,,,of course, the salary of people was not in line with the general inflation,,,,despite meagre salary, the attitude of ppl in sri lanka was very friendly, due to their quality education system, every1 can speak very fine english which enables them to talk to foreigner easily,,,i must praise the friendly, calm, cool and welcome nature of lankan ppl who are contented with the current state of their country and their standard of living rather than making their living by unfair means,,,,

M. Ali | 13 years ago | Reply Mr.Haque....Advise you to learn Mandarine.English won't work there.How was Olina??bful??

Shemrez Nauman Afzal | 13 years ago | Reply What a brilliant insight into tourism for a Pakistani - or generally, any English-speaking person in the Far East. I don't think this reinforces stereotypes as much as it gives people a sense of how to navigate through the "communication breakdown" when one is a tourist in a foreign country. GREAT JOB JAY! (Also, I hope you had fun in Hong Kong too :p)

Zain | 13 years ago | Reply :D

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