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Though it might be tempting to ignore these feelings, leaving them unchecked can actually be bad for your health. Homesickness may take a toll on the emotional, behavioural and physical states of those it affects, according to decades of research published in the journal Psychological Medicine. Along with feelings of insecurity, loss of control and nervousness, physical effects, including sleep issues, fatigue and loss of appetite, have also been reported.
Since it’s the end of summer and so many of you are heading back to college, we thought of gathering a few psychologist-backed tips to help ease you back into the student life. As compiled from The Huffington Post, here are some tips to overcome homesickness.
1. Remember: homesickness is completely normal
Almost everyone experiences it when moving to a new place — some might just be better at hiding it, says Mark Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. “Being homesick is not a sign of a personal shortcoming,” he explains. “Realising that homesickness is a normal and evolutionarily healthy reaction won’t make it go away but it eliminates self-criticism that people heap on themselves for not being able to handle the separation.”
2. Establish connections with new people and new settings
While homesickness is a painful experience, you feel it for good reason. The longing to be with loved ones is actually a natural, human mechanism. “Feeling homesick when separated from loved ones motivates people to want to be with those supportive people or else, form new supportive relationships,” Leary says.
But keep in mind that everyone is different when it comes to forming new relationships. Personality types, such as being an extrovert or an introvert, can inform how people bond. Leary suggests that, when making new connections, it is best to stick to the style that works for you in order to mitigate homesickness.
Introverts sometimes force themselves to meet new people in an “extroverted way,” such as going out to restaurants. Since pressuring yourself to go into uncomfortable situations can exacerbate homesickness, introverts may want to consider meeting people in a more comfortable setting, such as joining a book or outdoors club or a college society.
3. Practice self-compassion
This point is crucial and also one of the hardest to accomplish. According to a study Leary co-authored, self-compassion is defined as “treating oneself with the same kind of caring, concern and kindness that one conveys to loved ones who are facing difficult life situations.”
In other words, self-compassion means love yourself just as you love the ones you care about. “This kind of unadulterated self-love is so important and effective that it’s commonly used as a counseling technique and psychotherapy,” Leary shares.
The most important step in practicing self-compassion is substituting negative, critical and, sometimes, automatic thoughts about yourself with thoughts that are more supportive and kind. Whenever you catch yourself expressing self-critical thoughts, Leary recommends asking yourself what you would say to a friend or loved one who was going through the same situation. After you have your answer, try to talk to and treat yourself the same way.
4. Keep tabs on your negativity
It’s also useful to ask yourself how much of your homesickness is due to an event such as being separated from loved ones and how much of it stems from how you’re perceiving a situation. For example, Leary points out that people often blame themselves for their perceived inability to cope with a new environment or meet new people. In reality, blaming oneself can only exacerbate the “natural distress” that comes with transitioning to a new environment.
Leary recommends taking a step back, instead of falling into the trap of a negative outlook, by consistently assessing your thoughts and emotions. “The biggest challenge is to reduce the automatic, negative, catastrophising and critical self-thoughts that generate negative emotions and to substitute kinder, more supportive thoughts,” he says.
A positive outlook on a situation can do wonders for your mood, but it can often be hard to practice. You can silence negative thoughts in many ways, including reciting positive mantras, keeping a journal or even taking a walk in a park. In fact, a walk is one of the best ways to silence negative thoughts.
Most importantly, however, be patient. Even though there’s no place like home, giving yourself some time and care will do wonder. And who knows, you might find yourself falling in love with a new place.
Compiled By Amna Hashmi
Published in The Express Tribune, September 4th, 2016.
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