1. Thou shalt not post pouty pictures on Facebook each time thou puts on new lipstick
Pouting should be banned over the age of five.
2. Thou shalt not act lovey-dovey with thy boyfriend or husband on wall messages
He’s sitting right next to you, why do you need to discuss your date plans in front of the entire world?
3. Thou shalt not play games
Playing Mafia Wars with your three-year-old cousin on Facebook will NOT make you the Godfather.
4. Thou shalt not update thy status more than once a day.
Even if you’ve won the lottery and made out with John Krasinski the same day, wait at least 24 hours before you tell the world.
5. Thou shalt not devote an entire album for thy drooly baby pictures, thy seven cats or thy pedicured feet
Only your mother would be interested in those things. Email her.
6. Thou shalt not keep a profile picture older than six months
You’ve been married for three years, you can’t still be sitting in a gharara every day?
7. Thou shalt not indiscriminately ‘Like’ everything on this planet
“My dog died.” — 1 Like
“There’s been a bomb blast.” — 1 Like
“I’m dying.” — 1 Like
8. Thou shalt try to spell correctly
There’s Spell Check for a reason.
9. Thou shalt not say ridiculous things like “shizzle my nizzle”
Not least because there are no African Americans in Pakistan.
10. Thou shalt not post or tag ugly pictures of thy friends
If you do something as malicious as that, expect your friends to return the favour.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, July 1st, 2012.
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