1. She has attention deficit disorder (ADD) around you
Does she zone out when you start talking? Text while you’re droning on about your crush’s eye colour? These are all signs of a narcissistic friend. Next time she’s zoned out when on a girly night with you, text her, “It’s over!”
2. She judges you when you reveal a huge secret
You could reveal that you have a fetish for killing innocent kittens, but your best friend cannot and should not judge you for a second. It’s really her fault for making friends with a psychopath in the first place!
3. When you’re Debbie downer, she acts like a Stepford wife
It is every best friend’s duty to one-up our disappointments and embarrassments (with either real or imagined scenarios) to make us feel better. If she takes your break-up as an opportunity to gloat about the diamond necklace her husband just got her, slap her in the face!
4. She criticises your clothing, makes fun of your shoes — and not in a funny way
There’s a huge difference between “It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork” and “Is THAT what you’re going to wear, like, OUTSIDE?” The former is cute, the latter is witchy, learn the difference.
5. You don’t feel comfortable being yourself around her
Best friends are one notch above ice cream cake — they make life almost worth living even on your most depressing nights. But if yours is making you feel like stale cake, it’s time you binned her.
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, June 24th, 2012.
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