Film review: Breaking Dawn - eat me

Published: December 18, 2011

Knocked up: Now here’s a pregnancy horror story to put all others to shame.

Let me declare outright that I am a dedicated Potterhead, which means that after God, I worship the global phenomenon that is Harry Potter. A corollary is that I hate Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight and everything related to it, though, unlike other Potterheads I do not deem it an omen of doom sent by the devil. So anything that I say about the latest installment in the mind-boggling series must be taken with a pinch of salt.

In The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward’s (Robert Pattinson) romantic honeymoon is cut short when they discover that Bella is pregnant. Now this would be a setback for any young couple but in this case Bella is in danger of being killed since the baby is a ‘demon’, i.e. half-vampire, half-human. You don’t exactly need a major in Biology to figure out how such a thing could happen. Though hardly the most convincing of plot points, it is hard to dismiss, since this is what the entire movie is based on.

The supernatural world is divided into those who think the baby should be killed (and this includes Edward) and those who believe it should live. The rest of the movie is then dedicated to graphic depictions of Bella’s rather uncomfortable pregnancy: as-the-mother to be lovingly rubs her expanding belly, the baby crushes her rib cage, back, and knees, while inducing an unholy thirst for human blood (makes your 2 am craving for gajar ka halwa appear tame by comparison).

True to previous installments of the Twilight series, the supporting actors do a more animated job than the leads, which is not saying much given the glass-eyed stare that seems to be their default expression. Surprisingly, Breaking Dawn was rated PG-13. Forget the close ups of the lead couple in the throes of passion, the graphic depiction of a monstrous pregnancy was luridly disturbing even for a fully grown woman. In no way is this appropriate material for 13-year-olds.

As a Potterhead, I would like to point out that Twilight’s tactic of breaking the movie version of the book into two parts was ripped from the treatment given to the last Harry Potter film. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I say. To prevent my being eaten alive by Twilight fans everywhere, much in the same way Bella is eaten first by her baby and then her hubby, I hasten to  add that, a few minor scenes apart, the movie was quite faithful to the book.

Twilight fans will be head over heels for this movie, but the rest can safely give this a miss.

Published in The Express Tribune, December Sunday Magazine, 18th, 2011.

on Twitter, become a fan on Facebook

Reader Comments (5)

  • Dec 18, 2011 - 8:02PM

    You’re right – I’m a Twilight Movie fan who was clueless as to how this saga was going to end until shortly before Breaking Dawn came out. And I don’t think I could possibly be angrier at this stupid, unbelievable ending or the movie studio for how irresponsibly they handled this sugar coated sexual fantasy rehashed by an amateur! I’ve got it all explained up on my blog. Everyone should check it out – it is almost unbelievable that the last movie even got made.

    Recommend

  • takiara
    Dec 19, 2011 - 4:43AM

    I disagree with all who hated the film…I personally loved it.You dont understand why we teens love the books and the movies, and why we camp out every midnight premier.We only really see the movies for Jacob Black (Taylor Launter)shirtless.We read the books and see the real meaning of love that you can never have.Im guessing thats why Stephenie Meyer wrote the books and many other authors who wrote non fiction love stories.Its for people like me that still have an imaginations which make life fun.You dont send a grown-up or a non twilighter to do a teens job about a teen movie!!!!

    Recommend

  • Samira
    Dec 20, 2011 - 7:43AM

    Twilight teaches “love”? (Excuse me while I laugh.) The entire Twilight novel was about how important it is to have a boyfriend! The books are superficial and shallow, and so are the movies. As Stephen King once put it, “SM can’t write worth a darn.” If you REALLY want to read a book about love, try Harry Potter. That’s the whole theme…unlike Twilight which is all about hooking up, teen marriages, and teen pregnancies. (And I’m sorry if I’m coming off as rude, because that’s not my intent…I’m just sayin how it is)

    Great review, by the way!@takiara:

    Recommend

  • A. Khan
    Dec 20, 2011 - 8:34PM

    I fell asleep within first 10 minutes, as it was soooo boring…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzRecommend

  • HAmza
    Dec 28, 2011 - 10:32AM

    it was so boring that i couldnt stand it after the first few minutes and walked out :)

    Recommend

More in Magazine