Mastikhel and ‘general’ with a ‘j’

Published: July 13, 2010

The writer is a freelance journalist and media consultant (wajahat.khan@tribune.com.pk)

Punjab is imploding and exploding, almost simultaneously. The explosions have been at the revered Data Darbar, the ‘spiritual heart’ of Old Lahore. But now, more fireworks have been discharged – this time, inwards – and the implosion stems from the British-era quarters of Pakistan’s cultural capital not far from Data’s Nagri – Punjab’s address of reason, debate and legislation since 1935: the Provincial Assembly. Damage-controllers claim such sabotage was planned by a ‘lota’ — a South Asian sanitary device that is a hybrid between a beer mug and a teapot, communally shared for mutual comfort — with the fitting name of Masti Khel (the nomenclature translates directly as ‘Mischievous Tribal’).

The evidence presented: that MPA Sana Mastikhel, a Sharif inspired N-Leaguer, was the sole vanguard and lone spearhead of a brazen but legalised anti-press assault; Spartacus, Stalin and Zia camouflaged as one overweight politico, out to demolish Pakistan’s fifth column (“disguised” as its fourth estate). For those living under a shell (which is not recommended in a place like Pakistan as shells are not shrapnel-proof, but on the other hand, they don’t rely on electricity either), these are the facts. The Punjab Assembly met on July 9 to debate, according to the agenda, colleges for women among other ‘bla bla’ issues. Instead, the debate shifted to a non-agenda item: the ‘Fake degree scandal’ involving parliamentarians of all hues – but predominantly hailing from the Sharif brigades – using unrecognised and even counterfeit academic degrees to qualify for office. After a fiery show by most MPAs, Mr Masti Khel climaxed with a command performance. As he tabled what eventually passed as a unanimous resolution for curbing media freedoms, the honourable representative from Bhakkar shouted: “Pakistan is being held hostage by the Three Js: Journalists, Judges and Jenerals.”

Now, if you’re snickering about Mastikhel’s slip, don’t. According to the PA’s official website, M Sanaullah Khan Mastikhel is the proud recipient of two undergraduate degrees: an LL.B. and a B.A. The site lists his phone number as being one of those fancy ‘golden’ ones and also updates us about his previous portfolio, that of the parliamentary secretary of the National Assembly.

Given Mr Mastikhel’s dual degrees, his post-paid cellular connection and his important former posting, one can feign surprise about why he would spell ‘generals’ with a J. But debating his spelling techniques – exactly what the media is doing since July 9 – is like arguing about the safety of air travel in the middle of a crash landing: redundant.

As he is the face of arguably the shortest-lived anti-press coup that has ever been legislated in the Punjab, the question arises: did Mastikhel act alone, or is he a scapegoat? Not according to Babar Awan, the PPP’s legal hit-man. In response to Nawaz Sharif’s emergency conference from London (the Man of Steel claimed Mastikhel will be expelled from his party, while implying that the MPA’s questionable past – being a Q-League turncoat – makes this smell of political sabotage), caustic Law Minister Awan demanded that the “real Masti [mischief] makers should be fired”. Awan may have a point. The fact that Nawaz’s efficient number two, Punjab boss Shahbaz, was present and passive during the onslaught helps Mr Awan’s argument: that this was not a one-man show.

But it doesn’t matter. Though many parliamentarians ‘vented’ against the media over what was an otherwise lackluster beginning to the weekend – after all, only 105 people were reported killed in twin blasts in the Mohmand Agency at almost exactly the same time Punjab’s finest were ripping apart the media for “irresponsible propaganda” – the fact remains that several parliamentarian degree records up for verification at the esteemed Punjab University have disappeared over the weekend. Yet this has not inspired most mainstream media to stop gloating over their PR victory (getting Mastikhel fired) and move on to the real story: that everything in this country is organised, including corruption.

Frankly, I’m beginning to agree with the big guy from Bhakkar. I just hope he adds another ‘J’ to that list.

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Reader Comments (5)

  • Jul 13, 2010 - 2:24AM

    wajahat:

    perhaps you jumped the gun when you wrote:

    The evidence presented: that MPA Sana Mastikhel, a Sharif inspired
    N-Leaguer, was the sole vanguard and lone spearhead of a brazen but
    legalised anti-press assault;

    rauf klasra has this to say in the lead paragraph:

    Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif is said to have taken the handwritten draft of the resolution against the media from the Speaker’s chamber to his residence for “editing” on Thursday afternoon and returned it after making some required additions with clear instructions to hand over the final draft to MPA Sanaullah Mastikhel on Friday for approval by the Punjab Assembly.

    you can read the rest here:http://www.thenews.com.pk/topstorydetail.asp?Id=29984Recommend

  • deathcase
    Jul 13, 2010 - 5:08AM

    well i agree with the writer. i, for one, think that this matter was blown completely out of proportion by the media. We need to add the 4th J.

    Every thing is planned. this whole act was planed by the political parties. there is no doubt about that in my mind.Recommend

  • Jul 13, 2010 - 2:32PM

    To be frank, it is really really a dirty game!Recommend

  • rehan
    Jul 15, 2010 - 1:32AM

    Blast from the past!Is Masti Khel related to Jansher Khan?Jansher also once attributed his success to three ‘S’s ..Speed,Stamina and ‘eSperience’.But we forgave him for he never claimed to solve a quadratic equation within 10seconds..for no one could equate with him for 10seconds without shedding off 10 ‘Lotas’(we can also call it spouted jar)of sweat.However,we can also forgive Dasti Bhai too . .it is the ‘forgive and forget.com age.After all as a nation,how quickly did we forgive ourselves after ’1971′(..or was it in the best of ‘National Interest’ to do so)!. Recommend

  • Abdullah Wiqar
    Jul 21, 2010 - 11:18AM

    this is funny. yet sad. also hilarious. but tragic. Recommend

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