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I am a burger – and proud of it
Do you tell everyone you bought your jeans locally, even though you got a friend to bring them over from the US? Do...
The writer is a musician and a self-employed businessman (omar.bilal@tribune.com.pk)
Do you tell everyone you bought your jeans locally, even though you got a friend to bring them over from the US? Do you tell people how much you crave a big greasy bun kebab, when all you want is a jalapeno burger with cheesy fries? Do you find yourself speaking in English but adding yaar at the end of each sentence to gain credibility with the masses? Do you secretly pine for a mocha latte while you are being served your doodh patti?
Don’t be ashamed to admit yes to any of these sentences. For too long us burgers have suffered in silence. It is time we fought for our rights. We shall no longer be treated as second class citizens.
No longer shall we live in fear of being judged on our American accents, fake or authentic. We will no longer hide our knowledge of Noam Chomsky and Bertrand Russell. We will admit how much we love indie rock bands that no one has ever heard of. No longer shall we pretend to be entertained by Bollywood. When people ask for our address, we won’t hesitate when they ask us to spell “D-E-F-E-N-C-E”.
What happened to us? We had all the power. People looked up to us to decide what was cool and what wasn’t. We could be condescending. We were exclusive. We were awesome. But things changed somewhere between the rise of Geo and increased access to the internet. We were taken over by the masses. For too long we have suffered from their tyrannical rule. They dictate what we can and cannot like about culture. They oppressed us with their fascist rule and made it impossible to criticise “Amplifier”, 3 Idiots, Abida Parveen and chai. We enjoyed superiority over mailas and paindoos, but even they became ironically cool. We now remain the sole minority and suffer from persecution.
You can see the abuse everywhere. People pass snide remarks about our lack of knowledge of real Pakistani issues. They talk about shows on Geo and the latest Indian dramas just to keep us out of the conversation. We get hateful comments on our blogs and YouTube videos. Our drivers mutter abuse at us in a language we don’t understand. Shopkeepers see us and immediately raise their prices. We have to make trips to Sunday bazaar just to fulfil our quota of dealing with “the common man”.
Yet we are shunned and hated on internet forums and talk shows. They call us America-loving, Islam-hating, “Gossip Girl”-watching infidels.
The only way to end this persecution is to stand up and make your voice heard. Burgers! Be not ashamed! For silence is admitting your guilt. It’s time to stop hiding your subscription to The Express Tribune.
It’s time to be proud. It’s time to tell them all, “I am a burger”.
Published in the Express Tribune, June 13th, 2010.
Reader Comments (162)
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God job OBA!
damn those shop keepers, they do, they do in fact raise their prices as soon as I take off my sunglasses to check the shop out and they take a look at my attire- shorts with flip flops. And what is wrong with that? its massively HOT. I believe everyone in Karachi in this heat should wear whatever that keeps them cool! so what, I’m 22 years old and still love to wear shorts and a pair of colorful (spell colour) flip flops. it doesn’t mean I’m low class or poor, it doesn’t mean I’m immature and it certainly does not mean I’m gay! For all those people who stare and laugh every time they see us in our comfortable summer attire, the jokes on you all! You guys who sweat and suffer all day long in your jeans and button down shirt even though you know your not comfortable in them, just cause you believe they shorts should be only worn by children under 15 and well, flip flops should only be used in the bathroom.
There are even some restaurants whose waiters wont give you proper service because one is wearing shorts! GET OVER YOURSELVES!Recommend
evidently irony is lost on most people!Recommend
Daikha janaab, burgers are definitely considered ‘uncool’!! see the comments blowing you away!
dude, the article was funny and the sheer number of people that don’t get your puns and ‘buying jeans locally’ just goes to prove your point :P
Laikann dont you dare say anything to Amplifier, siddhee dhup paindee, on karo ac.
but the ending was too patronizing for the express tribune. a burger, no doubt. :D :PRecommend
Good stuff oba, good take on the subject !Recommend
I watched you on No Reservations recently (thx to YouTube) you are pure definition of burger, yet it was great to listen to you. Because you and other people like you are bringing out better Pakistan to us abroad “Pakistanis” more like “amreekan burgers”…I will speak for myself, Major flaw of Pakistanis is we by nature don’t have the tolerance towards change (can be seen-below comments). Once change that, we will stop comparing our-selves to our “neighboring” countrIES!
PS: burgers can be fake! which can be annoying! be yourself!Recommend
Omar your blog has me entertained, maybe you should just stick to writing sans a salary? Less pressure? More genuine? Hmmmmm?
Also shall look into what else you’ve coughed up for the Express Tribune before I reach a verdict on whether you can or cannt write.
PEANUTS MATES !Recommend
And the verdict is in drum roll please
Omar, you’re great at blogging, stick to that. This is not an attempt at hurling an insult at you, just an observation BigMac.Recommend
why do you have to divide people into such strict categories? cant one be a burger as well as a maila/ paindu at times? the tone of this article was a bit arrogant and it seems like the author feels that he is superior to the masses just because he falls within the category of “burgers”. I am against putting people into these strict categories of Paindu and burger , but even if you have to do that why should the so called “burgers” or “burgerism” in general, be encouraged since it essentially stands for further westernization and shunning your own culture and beliefs?Recommend
This was beyond stupid. Looked like you tried too hard, man! Better luck next time.
P.S: That ‘D-E-F-E-N-C-E’ bit was DISTASTEFUL.Recommend
haha i love it. don’t listen to the bun kebab haters man.Recommend
Poor burgers are those who drool and lust for white skinned beings and wear a mask of westernization. It’s funny that they eat and live on a different land yet pretend to be what they are not. Either they fall in deep complex during the span of their academic life abroad or they are infused with such ideas from too much television (west media). Some fools even fake their accents to sound more burgers yet end up sounding like gays.
Its good to follow arts, literature and other intellectual media but for heaven’s sake do not stereotype and label yourself as the superior one. You may have got the opportunities to learn and become who you are but this does not mean you take advantage of it and think you are better off others who did not have the opportunity to go to better schools or could not get as much exposure as you could.
Shame on yourself for the way you think of yourself and others!
Alhamdulillah, I am proud of who I am and I’d rather spend time with “mailas” than with those “burgers” who got tags around them. People don’t let your possessions define you!
What a waste of time reading your lame self proclaimed article. Who knows you got so much fixation that you really had to announce, “hey people I’m a burger!” :p Cheeee….Recommend
Epic stuff. Loved the “made it impossible to criticise “Amplifier”, 3 Idiots, Abida Parveen and chai.” part because it’s totally true. :PRecommend