Worried because others steal your ideas? Read on to find out why you shouldn’t be.

Picasso said, “Good artists copy; great artists steal” and Steve Jobs echoed the same sentiment when he said “We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas.”

In the corporate world nothing is more heavily guarded than ideas. Whether it is at the workplace or at home — women often complain that either their ideas are undervalued or snapped up by others of both genders.

Men may appropriate credit for your ideas because they may think that you, as a woman, are there simply to serve them and must be immediately subdued and conquered. Other women do it because they think this may be a short cut to the top of the ladder.

Behind this is the competitive nature of both sexes at the workplace. If they could, they would patent, copyright and only give exclusive rights to their thoughts.

Recently a friend of mine went on a rant because her idea was seized by the loudest speaker in the boardroom, who actually said the same thing she did — just in different words.

She agonised over this episode until she took a pen and actually started crossing out reasons why the bullhorn was successful and she was not.

A few rounds later there was still no closure.

If you can relate to her, consider my three reasons why you should stop worrying about people stealing your ideas before you start whining to your boss: 

1. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. (Tyler Durden — Fight Club)

Who you are is a result of your experiences, exposure and interactions. Your work experience ensures that you already have a fair idea of what works and how. You may be a star performer but, let’s face it, not all ideas are earth-shattering, groundbreaking and one-of-a-kind.

Someone somewhere has probably done it already so be realistic in evaluating whether your ideas should carry a price tag.

If you’re seen as somebody stingy with their ideas, you’re closer to a one-trick pony who has to protect its flair lest it gets copied by others. Be gracious and share freely so you can grow with the people around you.

2. Doing nothing is very hard to do … you never know when you’re finished. (Leslie Nielson)

If you’re under the impression that your ideas are gems, and you decide to give only limited access to others, you lose an opportunity to test them. Not all your ideas will work.

If you keep waiting for the right opportunity or wait until the master plan is ready, you lose out on the opportunity to test their viability early.

If the idea fails, you won’t be the one to blame and with confidence you can scratch that gem off your list. The more you share the more it helps you develop ideas into plans and eventually actions.

If, during this process, they get picked up or ‘stolen’, take it on the chin and know that there is more where that one came from and only you have access to this unlimited reserve.

3. The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. (Robert Frost)

Whether or not you get the credit and recognition for your ideas, you should always look at the fact that it was taken up as a backhanded compliment.

If it hadn’t been good enough in the first place it would never have been picked up. The thief’s stealing will soon run him/her into problems, either when the expectation is to whip up more ideas or during execution.

Remember, you can only be valuable if your ideas are supported by an implementation strategy; otherwise they are nothing more than dreams.

I have yet to come across a job that does not require varying degrees of creativity and innovation. Basically, we all get paid for the skills and ideas we bring to the workplace.

Organisations and people cannot be successful if the battle revolves around who gets noticed and recognised for putting the best ideas on the table.

In your career, you will meet many who can talk on end of time but you should aim to be one of those who know when to take action.

Then, even if the ideas get hijacked midway, you will have differentiated yourself in the way you do things.

If you are in a situation where you feel that your ideas always get stolen perhaps it’s time to reflect on how effectively you communicate and your visibility in the organisation.

Madiha Khalid is a serious HR professional who test-drives all employee motivational strategies on her two-year-old son first. Read more from Madiha Khalid on Facebook.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, September 30^th, 2012.

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You can never forget that one bully from school who ate your lunch, gave you nicknames, and pulled pranks on you for public entertainment. Every year you would wish for your section to be shuffled, but then you’d only be discovered by another more vicious bully.

Once you are older and wiser, you assume that bullying would only be an unpleasant childhood memory. Wrong! Once you step into the corporate world, you realise that those playground bullies are still around — they’re all grown up but still as deadly.

When men at work bully, it’s more obvious. Their public ridiculing, swearing and shouting makes them pretty easy to spot and report. But when our fair gender bullies — she’s far more deadly as she is equipped with covert tactics such as gossiping, criticising behaviour, betraying secrets and social isolation.

As I write this, I fear the backlash from my fellow esprit de corps as this is not your openly acknowledged working woman issue and women would still like to believe that some sisterhood exists at work. Sadly, workplace bullying is four times more rampant than sexual harassment and 40 per cent of the bullies, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, are actually … women!

Could it be that there are so few of us at the workplace that we are compelled to bring our own gender down in order to be noticed? Is it a natural, critical, judgmental instinct — our self-identity tied to how other women make us feel? Or is it because most organisations are run by men and we believe that this is acceptable aggressive male behaviour? Whatever the reasons may be, survival is dependent on you spotting a bully before she singles you out. I present to you the seven ultimate habits of bullies and how to counter them all.

1-  Silent but violent

Ever heard of the praying mantis’ hunting style? It can sit quietly for hours until the prey gets close enough for a lightning speed attack and then the mantis devours its victim head first. Pretty cruel … right? But isn’t that similar to the silent treatment of certain female bosses? You can keep going to her in person with a problem and she’ll always brush you away like a fly. You can bombard her with e-mails colour coded in red and she’ll never blink at you once. But once the task blows up to a doomsday scenario, she’ll instantly turn around and blame you for not managing it better. And of course, her being unavailable for a discussion or decisions and unresponsive to your pleas obviously will never feature in this conversation.

For this bully, it’s best to break tasks into smaller milestones which clearly outline where and when you need her decision-making and direction. Keep scheduling regular meetings and keep a track of these meeting requests in writing. This way she’ll be forced into the habit of giving you undivided attention and cannot wriggle out of taking joint responsibility. And never leave meetings without closing action items and reminding her about the next meeting, preferably via e-mail so there is a paper trail.

2- Lady Psycho

Think Norman Bates from the movie Psycho. She’s sweet as pie on some days and can act like your best friend, but then there’ll be days when you’ll feel that she could be chasing you around in the office with a knife. She is unpredictable and you’ll never know where you stand with her. You can basically not trust her at all. You know this because when she’s done with her victims, they all resemble roadkill.

It’s best to limit your interaction with her, stay on her good side and keep the relationship limited to niceties. Do not share your views and opinions with her and avoid any personal discussions. You just don’t know in what shape or form they might come back at you. In other words avoid prolonged visits to the Bates Motel.

3- F is for Failure

She will give you impossible deadlines and unrealistic workload, with the single motive of making sure you fail. Make no mistake, this is no childhood lesson designed to build your character. These projects are made for disaster and doom. She’s setting you up for a public fall.

To counter this bully, you have to muster all your assertiveness. It’s best to go prepared for this discussion by detailing all the tasks on your plate, their timelines and their scope so she realises how busy you are with work. Reiterate that you are appreciative of her trust in letting you work on so many projects but you need sufficient time to do a great job and make her proud.

4- The Watchdog

She monitors you so closely that you’re almost tempted to find her a job at the Inter-Services Intelligence. From insiting on updates about your whereabouts to clocking time in and out like a prisoner, this bully’s signature style is micromanagement and she insists on calling it perfectionism and high standards. If you didn’t spend so much time updating her, you could actually get things done faster.

This one will need serious trust-building from your side. Start by proving that regardless of your physical presence you’ll never miss a deadline. Volunteer for projects and ask for tasks that are on her to-do list. Get all the information upfront and promise exceptional results. Make sure you keep review meetings to communicate progress and pacify her till you are finished. Volunteer, communicate, deliver and repeat until you have taught her effective delegation.

5- You’re never good enough

If you had a penny for all the times she gave you feedback with a ‘but’ in the sentence, you wouldn’t need this job. She excessively criticises and gives invalid feedback even if others have appreciated the same piece of work. You could climb Mount Everest and she would tell you ‘but you’re not the first person to do it’. Her expectations and standards are a conundrum that even Einstein wouldn’t be able to crack.

Make sure you set the expectations and desired results before starting on tasks and get them formalised on a report or e-mail. Every time you feel the objective is straying too far from the agreement bring up the initial discussion and ask her to clarify. The more you stick to rules, objectives and specific targets the more difficult it will be for her to give unjustified criticism. Another tip that can go in your favour is to make sure multiple stakeholders have a view on your performance and ability — which is sure to outnumber her in the end.

6- Gossip Girl

Remember girls at your school discussing others in the ladies’ room? The same gossiping gets perfected over time and spills over at work. The objective is very obvious — sabotage, backstab, disrespect and undermine someone’s abilities. The rules of this game are not fair since you hardly know what is being said and fabricated. But when the gossip girl happens to be your boss, prepare yourself for the worst.

There are only two ways to deal with it: either confront her or keep your head cool and focus on your work. Do your job really well and make sure a wide audience is a witness to your competence.

7- Death by exclusion

It could be the smallest thing, like forgetting to invite you for an office lunch to holding back on projects, important information, or not inviting you to meetings which make you feel like an outsider. The problem with this behaviour is that it’s difficult to pinpoint and confront. The alibi of your bully for this crime will always be ‘it was a mistake’, which will only make you feel more confused, vulnerable and invisible.

Even if you are doubtful about the intentions of your bully, don’t shy away from talking about how it made you feel. State her behaviour or what you have heard, the impact it had on you and the consequences of it on your career. Use ‘I’ statements, specific examples and physically hold your ground. Another way to tackle this is to make sure you are clued into what is happening at the workplace so that you are not dependent on formal channels of communication.

Word to the wise

At some point or the other in your career, you will encounter some form of bullying and it’s easy to fall into the trap of victimhood. This is exactly the intention of the bully. Take heart in knowing that you have something that your bully envies and she may even view you as a possible threat. The only way to beat bullies is to believe in yourself, be strong and put a stop to their behaviour if you see it happening to someone else. If all else fails, leave this article casually on their desk and hope they can spot themselves.

Madiha Khalid is a serious HR professional who test-drives all employee motivational strategies on her two-year-old son first.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, September 2^nd, 2012.

I once asked a woman in a senior leadership role, what the number one issue she faced in the work place was. Expecting to hear glass ceiling, harassment and all the usual working women issues, imagine my surprise when she replied, “Guilt.”

This got me wondering why working women can’t shake that devil called guilt off their shoulders no matter how in control they are of their life.

When I was single and working I felt guilty that I was not spending enough time with my parents and siblings and helping with the household chores. When I got married I felt guilty for not being the perfect housewife. And once I had a kid, the emotion went to a different level altogether.

It’s not that this horrible feeling creeps up every time you have to work over a weekend or travel for business; it’s a constant, dull, ache. You feel guilty when you’re at work for all the things that you could be doing at home with your kid and when you are home it’s guilt for all the challenging assignments you could be doing if you didn’t have responsibilities to fulfill at home. This is usually followed by a series of questions: “Is it worth it?’, “Am I doing the right thing?” and “Do I really want this at this point in my life?”

After going through this drill for a big part of my career, I came to the conclusion that while there was no pill to make the guilt go away, thankfully it was not the worst thing to live with. It forced me to dig a little deeper to understand where this emotion was coming from and why it attacked me constantly. So I did what every typical business graduate would: I drew a decision tree of my life and all the choices I had. I could quit and spend all my time with my family and do all the things that I never have time for – basically spend my savings at the beauty salon. I could work from home – that way I could be in two places at the same time. As the drawing on the sheet took the form of a lush, healthy tree, I realised that it couldn’t be one without the other.

I wanted to work. It meant something to me and if I was choosing that path, it would mean I would have to sacrifice some things. The tree I made helped me sift through what I was choosing and what I was giving up. As long as it was a choice, it meant that I was in the driving seat. Working comes with its own set of sacrifices and the question is not whether we feel guilty about these sacrifices but whether we choose to choose versus letting it happen to us. More importantly, we have to forgive ourselves for these sacrifices because you only feel guilty in the 20/20 vision of hindsight.

As for how in control I am, I may feel like a 4 out of 10, but this is only at this point in my life which means that there is hope of it getting better – and that I can live with. So the moral of this story is that once in a while it is good to indulge in a little bit of remorse to figure out and make peace with the choices you have made in life. It also helps give clarity to your long term goals, desires and dreams. After all, you have to be okay with the choices you make. So for now all I am going to feel guilty about is devouring the chocolate fudge cake.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, July 29^th, 2012.

A powerful, confident and assertive woman at the top of her career is usually perceived by society as that horrifying mythical creature — the Medusa — albeit with better hair, designer heels and lipstick! And why not? Women are taught from an early age to be likeable and agreeable, traits which actually give young women a serious disadvantage at work. When it comes to decision-making and negotiations, men don’t mind being displeasing, unlikable or pushy. But if women dare go the same route, they are labelled ‘witches’, ‘ice-queens’, ‘she-mans’ or ‘drama queens’. So for a woman it is essential to walk the career rope without falling on the shameful side of ‘submissiveness’ or the ugly side of ‘aggressiveness’.

The middle road is — assertiveness. Whether you’re asking for a raise, a promotion, particular projects, time off or discussing appraisals, assertiveness is a trait that can come handy everywhere. In other words, it’s a storm that every working woman has to weather. But without it, it’s impossible to remain true to your profession, career and capabilities.

1- You’re not office scenery!

Although it’s easy just to blend in with the office furniture, it’s absolutely integral that you stand out. When you don’t understand something fully, don’t feel stupid about asking for clarifications. Asking questions shows that you’re smart — and confident about your intelligence. The thing to remember with asking questions is that you don’t want to structure them apologetically or start by “I’m sorry but …” or “I hate to ask but…” Another way to make sure that you are on the same page with the speaker is by summarising what has been said, e.g. “If I understand you correctly, you mean…”

2- Get your body on board

When you’re dishing out the ‘No’, it loses half its value when done meekly with hunched shoulders, while you’re staring at your feet and your head is bobbing up and down. 93 percent of all communication is non-verbal. So your eye contact, posture, voice and facial expressions should tell the same story. This might be the most difficult step to master, but the good thing is it can easily be faked. Start with maintaining eye contact with the speaker, whether it is a one-on-one discussion or a meeting. Use the space around you, spread your elbows, relax your shoulders and resist the urge to smile unnecessarily — a neutral expression fares best.

3- Dare to disagree

Whenever you disagree with a decision or feel marginalised or treated unfairly, SPEAK UP! Doing that in front of upper management can be scary because it might make you feel vulnerable. By not speaking up at the right time you bottle up your feelings about an issue, and end up resentful, victimised and anxious. Practise the ability to say ‘no’ more often. Start with something small like declining a lunch invitation or refusing to drop that colleague who lives on the other side of town home.

4- Know you’re a star!

A positive attitude goes a long way — when you truly appreciate your strengths and know your weaknesses, you automatically create a superhuman shield around you, a protective exterior that cannot be broken by difficult circumstances or negative people. It starts from paying attention to looking good, thinking positively, feeling like a superstar and walking in a way that will make people sit up and take notice! The easiest way is to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about your capabilities, and to slowly cut off all negative influences in your life. Place Rs5 in a jar every time you have a negative belief creeping up on you.

5- Do it over and over again

When you learn to walk, you keep at it even when you fall over and over again.  Don’t restrict assertiveness to the workplace; take it home and practice it in everyday life. If you didn’t like your meal, tell the restaurant manager. If you’re annoyed by talkative strangers at the cinema, politely tell them to hush up. If you’re being pushed into buying something, learn to refuse it even if the salesman is extremely charming. Because the only person who will stand up for you, is you!

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, July 15^th, 2012.

You can’t keep your eyes off the clock — this meeting was supposed to end 25 minutes back. Your cleaning lady and cook must be banging at your door just about now. And your two-year-old must be throwing a fit and howling for you at his grandparents’ house. Tick tock … it’s 6pm, you muster your courage and blurt that you must leave. On your way home you wonder if you will get sidelined from this project too because you have had to leave as soon as the clock inches close to 6pm. This evening is no different from any other weekday. As soon as your son is asleep and the house has a semblance of sanity, you switch on your laptop and quickly check if the project team has been announced. Your fear is now a reality: you have indeed been bumped off Project Apollo and once again you wonder if this is ‘worth’ it.

Even though your organisation encourages work life balance and the official work timings are 9 to 5, you can’t help but feel that ever since you had a baby you have been relegated to routine, non-exciting tasks. The truth is that, after maternity leave, you have been more organised, work from home after your kid goes to sleep, have lunch at your desk and take fewer breaks at work. You have never missed a deadline, been more punctual and supported other colleagues more with their assignments. Still, you see important projects and major tasks being assigned to others. Project Apollo is a wake up call and you seriously consider what your options could be:

1. Talk to your line manager:

 It’s always best to face your fears because sometimes they could just be perceptions. Be honest and open about how you feel without naming your colleagues or comparing yourself to them. Reiterate that it was your choice to return to work and how important it is for you to have a successful career.

Volunteer to take a few items off your line manager’s list of things to do. Use that as a starting point to prove that you are just as committed now as you were before motherhood.

2. Create a project:

If they won’t give you one, you can always create one for yourself. Look at processes or structures that could use a facelift. Pick things that would have the maximum value or benefit for the organisation. Once complete, share your findings with the relevant stakeholders. No one can ignore or overlook improvements and this is a great way to show that you take initiatives and are truly driven.

3. Take charge of meetings:

 There’s always the prospect of a meeting running late and not everyone has to worry about domestic responsibilities — someone needs to police the ticking clock. Start on time even if it means some people are missing; next time around they will make sure they are on time. Circulate the agenda and any material that you will cover as a pre-read. The meeting time would thus be for discussing and sharing views. Assign someone to take minutes and circulate them after the meeting. Pretty soon you will have a reputation for being organised and a time manager.

4. Do your homework:

Do your research on upcoming assignments, get a head start so you have already covered what approaches you could use.

If you know more and have already thought about it you have an advantage over others. It shows you are proactive and eager to take on more than your day-to-day tasks.

5. Get a mentor:

Never underestimate the power of mentoring. It is a wonderful opportunity to pick the brain of someone successful who has been there, done that. Talk to your mentor and get advice on navigating through your organisation. Get them to help you network and broaden your immediate work circle.

word to the wise

If you expect to be treated differently because you are a working mother, then you may be feeding the myths about them. Everyone has issues and problems in their personal life and you are no different.

So when you are at work be 100% focused and get the most out of the day. But once you are at home make sure your kids get your devoted attention and care. Resist the temptation to take work calls and emails at home. The key is to find balance where you don’t let one aspect of your life interfere or disrupt the other. It is possible to have a work life balance and a successful career. Don’t let your work define who you are and what you are capable of. Work smarter not longer.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, June 24^th, 2012.